I am upset that DH did not get me anything for my Birthday - AIBU or AIB childish?

[CalmaLlamaDown]

Birthday was last Monday, not a milestone birthday or anything, DH just got me a card and said sorry didn't have time to get anything else. I thought he might have got me a bottle of wine/takeaway or something after work but nothing. Anyway, I haven't made anything of it, but one week on and I STILL feel upset, also my 5 year old son was upset on the day because he didn't have a present or card for me, of course I reasurred him that he had nothing to worry about!

Part of me thinks just get over it and that I am being childish but I still feel inexplicalbly hurt and upset. Just for the record my DH works part-time (15 hrs a week) and so do I (26 hours a week) but I also so overtime at nights and weekends to make up the money which allows us both to stay part-time if you see what I mean. My life-savings depleted 10 years ago when (before we were married) DH gave up his full time job because of stress and anxiety. I supported him (in all ways) through this and am happy with our situation now as we can spend loads of time with our little boy, however I am starting to feel like a total MUG becuase I get so very little apprecitation.

I don't know how to tell DH that I am upset about this without sounding like a a shallow selfish bitch. Sorry I have rambled on but AIBU to still be upset about something as petty as no birthday present when I am well into my 40s!

I think you should tell him that you were upset about this and don't worry about him getting defensive or upset. He needs to know how you feel and that his thoughlessness does affect you.

I'm like you - not high maintenance at all and this yr dh didn't get anything for my birthday and I didn't even get a card from the kids. I was upset when I saw the kids were upset that they hadn't made me a card. They didn't realise.
When they found out after I asked them to help me make a birthday cake for me, they went rushing off to make me a card. Bless.

I made sure dh knew that I was a bit upset and all he had to do was get me a token thing and involve the kids. Cards and some supermarket flowers would have been fine.

(btw dh isn't always bad, he bought me gold Tiffany earings in August for our anniversary and I think he thought that would let him off for my birthday!)

Can of worms indeed, I have obviously had my head in the sand for the last few years. The sad thing is I know that my DH will not understand where I'm coming from when I try to talk to him later. I didn't realise until now just how unhappy I have been, I have turned myself into a martyr, doing absolutely everything and resenting it all...

I would definitely be upset.

even if he didn't get you anything, he should have made sure that your DS at least had the chance to make you a card, and if it was because he forgot, then he should have made you a special dinner or taken you all out for tea.

YANBU and you need to tell him how upset you were.

sorry x-posts.

:(

My DH gave me a spa-type afternoon for my last birthday. Only he has never actually given me the money for it

dh didn't get anything for my birthday and I didn't even get a card from the kids

What the fuck is up with these men? I'm now fuming on behalf of you too, Jahan and Mistress!

I didn't realise until now just how unhappy I have been

Very sorry to read that, Calma, I hope we can help you to improve your situation.

You are not being childish at all. Do tell him you were upset. Good luck.

There's always a straw that breaks the camels back OP. This is the one for you.

Well I´m not a present person, but I do expect a card & a card from the kids.

Husband also not bothered by presents.

If we see something, we get it, never mind what the other does.

Tend to do a meal out or a day out.

YANBU at all, he sounds like he makes no effort in anything... is there a reason why he cant work full time?

It seems to me he enjoys being carried and doing bugger all in return..

YANBU.

It's ONE DAY of the year when it's all about you. The other 364 days you probably fall over yourself running a house, remembering birthdays for both sides of the family, working longer shifts than your partner, organising Christmas, looking after your son, cleaning, cooking, food shopping.

On one day, you should be fully appreciated.

It's not about the presents, is it OP? It's the total lack of thought and attention and care. I would be fuming and let him have both bloody barrels and explain how much you feel taken for granted and overlooked.

He works 15 hours a week and didn't have time?

He is taking the piss big time.

YANBU. He only works 15 hours per week, which leaves 153 hours each week for him to be able to buy you something. I'm sure in that time he'd even manage to be able to buy something on behalf of your son too . As for him ordering stuff for you from an account he must know you'd look at, we'll its inconsiderate and lazy.

I can totally understand you feeling the way you do overall. You donated your savings to him, work almost full time (26 hours pw plus evenings/weekends must be nearly full time, yes?), and what's the betting you do most of the household chores too. In your position I'd be wondering if he actually gives a shit. The word cocklodger springs to mind tbh.

I think you have to let him get as defensive as he likes, but point out (to whatever arguement that he uses) that he has had 364 days to sort something out, he hasn't and you are hurt.

Repeat.

I'm sorry you are upset OP but happy birthday.

Speaking as someone who has been married for more than 20 years, my dh is hopeless at birthdays. He has got better, with sustained training over the years. It is very sad but it may be a learnt behaviour. My FIL never ever bought my MIL a birthday present and was very dour about any form of celebration. It was just not something my dh had experienced and I have always made allowances. He is much much better now and I have always bigged up everyone's birthdays.

FWIW - my ILs (including MIL) have never ever bought the children an actual present and wrapped it up and enjoyed the pleasure of giving it. Neither have they ever telephoned the dc on their birthdays. That is not to say they have not been generous in other ways (ie, a cheque for a piano, etc.) but they just don't understand about the pleasure of giving; possibly because as children they didn't really learn about the pleasure of receiving.

It's awfully sad, but incrementally it's an attitude that can be chipped away at. DH likes getting presents now and although he's hopeless about going out and buying them, he will now ask and proffer cash.

First of all, happy birthday and I'm sorry you're married to such a thoughtless man.

He works 15 hours a week and your son is in school? He still doesn't have time to get you a present?

OP, you are working full time if you're doing 26 hours per week and doing overtime at the weekends. Do NOT ever say "We both work part time." You don't. He does.

Do you really think he can't work more hours? He sounds as though he's used to you bearing the load - if your family needs more money, you go out and earn it, even though you're doing 10 hours more than him. That doesn't sound right to me.

Are you happy?

Yanbu I would have been hurt it is the thought that counts and your husband didn't think maybe he was busy as you said but tell him that your feelings were hurt,