To say I think I've forgotten how to eat 'normally'?

[HoobleDooble]

I've been on diet plans since 1999, i lost 4 stone with WW then gained it all back after a break for an all inclusive holiday, spent years trying to 'go it alone' (my house is full of notebooks where I've stopped and started), and have spent the last 2 years on SLimming World, had a great start, lost 1 1/2 stone, then nothing and no longer believe it's the one for me.

My problem is I don't know where to go from here, I can't eat without points or syns popping in my head and, as a bulimic since my teens, if the points or syns in a meal are too great it either nags at me until I see it again, or I end up pigging out on crap for the rest of the day! At nearly 40 I've had enough, I don't want to keep a food diary every day, I'm bigger than I've ever been and don't know how to eat without analysing it, to be able to drop the odd takeaway or chocolate bar in without going on a food frenzy.

How does everyone else do it, does anyone else feel the same? My weight and food are on my mind all day every day!

To be honest I think so many people have become brainwashed by the multi-billion pound dieting industry that as soon as they decide they want to lose weight, the first thing that pops into their heads is to go on a diet.

I think that's wrong personally.

The first thing that should pop into anyone's head is to look at a cardiovascular workout...proper sweat inducing vigorous exercise to shift the pounds and burn them off (disabilities aside).

But dieting industries seem to be filling people's heads with the idea that they don't have to work that hard at losing weight and to take up their diets instead.

What I meant by 'managing' your problem is that - sorry - my experience is that you'll likely never have a completely normal relationship with eating even if you come to understand why you're behaving in this way. (It's also likely going to be very difficult for you to talk to anyone about it in a constructive way - so difficult in fact that you may keep on putting it off. )

That is spot on. Recovery isn't a passive process either. It takes lots of ongoing effort and a genuine will to succeed. Even now I am aware of how a relapse could happen, especially when going through a stressful or upsetting time. Recovery has to be a priority.

It is difficult to talk about it, because many people don't and can't understand what it's like to be bulimic and people's reactions to it can be quite cruel and shocking. Then there's the shame and guilt. There's no reason to feel that way though. A diabetic or asthmatic doesn't feel ashamed I would have thought, neither should a person who has an eating disorder.

I've never really talked about it to anyone as I feel people would think I'm mad (surely I should be emaciated if I have an eating disorder, not big and wobbly?), will probably try the self help book route first and try not to be in the house alone too often. What I also find helps is preparing meals in advance, if I have something ready or nearly ready, I'm less likely to buy something on the way home. The financial side of it also makes me so ashamed, I only work part-time so I'm home for our DS, so I feel bad my DH is working long hours and I'm literally flushing it down the pan!

Mintyy - do you not believe that eating less and exercising more can result in weight loss?

HoobleDooble, the image people have of bulimics being underweight is a fallacy. They are often normal weight or over.

Please try not to feel ashamed.

It can but its such a stupid thing to say to someone with an eating disorder.
Everyone knows that eating less and exercising more results in weight loss - I very much doubt that op is stupid.

Hooble

Sorry - I think you're dancing around it there. People often see their bulimia as a private 'possession' almost and can actually, deep down, be reluctant to give it up. (I would lay at least 10p on the fact that you've read this thread and somewhere in the back of your mind is a little niggling 'Does this mean that I'll never be able to have a cream cake again?' (Which it doesn't, of course.))

Starting right away is crucial. If you want to go past the shops and buy stuff - DO. Just make sure it's the right stuff. You need to alter the structures you're living by and do it quickly.

Sorry if that sounds harsh and unfeeling. It's really not - just that you're in a very difficult situation and it sounds to me like you're just planning to do more of the same in terms of thinking about doing something. Not actually doing it.

OP sounds like you've had some good responses in the second half of this thread, esp from cosytoes, sounds like she really knows what she's talking about.

I am a binge eater, emotional over-eater although I have never purged. I have started to address things this year. One thing I've noticed is that when I have summoned up courage and talked about my binging so many women have come to me privately afterwards and said they do the same, and also struggle with it. You're absolutely not alone in this struggle.

I can also recommend a book, Overcoming Binge Eating. It addresses Bulimia as well, and is a very useful practical basic CBT you can try at home. I've been following the plan with good results.

Best of luck, and do be kind to yourself. xx