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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not hold a friends baby

59 replies

McHappyPants2012 · 30/09/2012 21:37

Just had a message from a friend saying she was upset at me not holding her newborn baby.

I just can't do, I am scared of holding other people's newborn. They look so small and I fear I will break them or drop them.

I did ask about the baby and coo over him, but when she offered I just froze.

OP posts:

Original poster

McHappyPants2012 · 30/09/2012 22:02

It is the same with every baby, but I suppose I must of offended her.

Feel like shit, how can a tiny 7lb baby reduce me to a nervous wreck

OP posts:

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 22:02

its not the head with me its the squirming and crying, I've heard a theory that certain heart rhythms are more soothing to babies than others and if that's true I obviously don't have that one!

some people are baby whisperers and babies settle and snuggle the second they're in their arms, I'm the opposite! give me your calm snuggly newborn and it'll instantly turn into a squirming whinger on impact!

ErrorError · 30/09/2012 22:04

oops meant to say older babies and children. not other.

larks35 · 30/09/2012 22:06

YANBU I've got two now and they were amazing as newborns TO ME! I certainly didn't expect others to think the same. Some of my friends loved to hold them, others were a bit reticent and either was fine by me.

I like cuddling babies and always have, other friends of mine prefer to interact with toddlers etc. I find that harder.

Your friend is being precious and a bit weird, tell her so from me.

EasilyBored · 30/09/2012 22:08

I didn't like to, before I had my own. Now Ithink I would be more confident when holding them and would enjoy those first sleepy cuddles without being being in that post partum so tired I might die state

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 22:08

"I like cuddling babies and always have, other friends of mine prefer to interact with toddlers etc. I find that harder"

me me me! love playing with toddlers! If you were my friend I'ld keep my hands off your bump and newborn (cause I know I'll just wind it up and make it cry/squirm) but feel free to dump your toddler on me! I love their energy the thought of toddlers gets me through the baby stage TBH they're brilliant!

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 22:10

EasilyBored I was temporarily a little less shit with other people's newborns when I had my own newborn, but as soon as mine was no longer a baby whatever specks of babywhisperer dust had settled on me blew away and I went back to being as shite with them as I was before having mine!

Original poster

McHappyPants2012 · 30/09/2012 22:11

Love toddlers, they are amazing balls of energy.

OP posts:

YouMayLogOut · 30/09/2012 22:16

YANBU. Fine for people to be happy for you to hold the baby if you would like to. But expecting it and getting uppity if you don't wish to, is pushy and odd.

Kalisi · 30/09/2012 22:19

Yanbu. I'd be a little pissed off about it to be honest. Not everyone likes holding babies, and not all babies like to be held by everyone. I'm surprised some people still can't fathom this! On the other hand, you should let it slide, I think after having a baby you're entitled by default to behave in a freakishky unreasonable fashion for ooh...i'd say about 3 months before people are allowed to pull you up on it

Startailoforangeandgold · 30/09/2012 22:19

YANBU
One other people's babies and toddlers cry for me.

I have a real soft spot for one who didn't and I used to hold while her mum drank her tea at toddler group, but generally they go waaaaaa.

I leave small children to DD2 to work her magic on.

Original poster

McHappyPants2012 · 30/09/2012 22:24

I think everyone rates me so much with thier children. I am the parent dancing to cheesy hits, first one on the bouncy castle, don't care if my house gets trashed when dc friends come to play.

Perhaps it was the shock I wasn't hands on with her DS

OP posts:

ekidna · 30/09/2012 22:28

yanbu. i am childless but find it totally impossible to read the signs from new mothers and fathers re: do you want me to hold your newborn or not???

bumperella · 30/09/2012 22:33

Maybe she thought you didn't like to hold her DC rather than you didn't like to hold newborns in general?
Otherwise 'tis 'ormones going mad, surely.

TheFallenMadonna · 30/09/2012 22:34

One of the girls from my tutor group brought in her baby and I had to hold it. It was weird.

aimingtobeaperfectionist · 30/09/2012 22:46

YANBU
New mums are sometimes weird, blame lack of sleep/hormones. I hate anyone holding DD but that's just me. Im terrible with other peoples babies though, I just panic and forget what I'm doing!! Everyone's different but she probably just can't see that right now. Don't worry about it. You didn't do anything wrong.

Tamisara · 30/09/2012 22:54

Oh god, this is the one thing I dread. I'm terrified that someone will ask (or offer) me to hold their baby (I have more than one friend pregnant at the moment).

Personally I would refuse now, and if the mum was offended, then she wouldn't feature on my chistmas card list again.

In your situation though OP, I'm sure you're right. Sleep deprivation & hormones, turn the most stable people into crazies :)

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 23:05

"Personally I would refuse now, and if the mum was offended, then she wouldn't feature on my chistmas card list again"

wow! bit harsh, I mean I don't think the OP is BU but I do think new mums get a bit of lee-way to overreact from time to time, its a crazifying time!

Tamisara · 30/09/2012 23:06

halloween - I have different reasons from the OP, and anyone who was offended would be an arse!

Tamisara · 30/09/2012 23:08

I do appreciate new mums can go a bit crazy, but still, my own needs would come first, and I'm sure my friends would understand :)

birdofthenorth · 30/09/2012 23:14

Newborns are lush IMHO, but your friend is BU. all the more cuddles for her!!

Original poster

McHappyPants2012 · 30/09/2012 23:19

I would never dream of upsetting a new mother, that's why I asked if I was weird.

OP posts:

EyesDoMoreThanSee · 30/09/2012 23:21

I can't hold newborns until they are the age that my DD was when I first got to hold her.

And besides it's not great for germs, tiny babies are happy with mummy/daddy, why make them cry unnecessarily?

Pickles101 · 30/09/2012 23:21

YANBU, at all. I have my own and I find holding her weird enough! It sounds bizarre but I really don't like the fact that they're warm (as well as squirmy and loud)

TwelveLeggedWalk · 30/09/2012 23:23

YANBU. We went to see friends' newborn and I was conscious that time had dragged on a bit and they must want us out of their house... I was trying to chivvy DH along (he was holding the baby) and he was being really reluctant to go. This was before we had kids and I thought maybe he was just really fascinated by the whole baby thing - I realised a few minutes later that he was completely frozen and had no clue how to get up out of the sofa or put the baby down. SEriously, we were there for aaaages. There's probably a thread somewhere about these dreadful guests who wouldn't leave...

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