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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think there is no such thing as karma?

23 replies

fluffyracoon · 30/09/2012 11:17

I used to think there was but all around me I see people behaving like arses and getting away with it.

My ex cheated on me, was verbally, physically and financially abusive. In the end I managed to make him leave but not before he hurt me. Today, he has a fab job, earning loads of money whinges like mad every month about child support though, is studying at uni - I wanted to do this when married but he wouldn't let me, wouldn't do childcare or help financially etc, is out every night at fab bars and clubs and restaurants, doesn't have children overnight so sees them as and when he pleases. His life gets better and better, while I go nowhere, see noone except my children and worry about money constantly. I will never be able to have a proper relationship because I have no childcare and a child with SN. I am his carer so I won't be able to career change or even get any kind of job now or ever have any decent earning potential. My future is very scary actually .

I was hurt a lot by my parents as I was growing up but I have a fairly good relationship with them now so they get to have a good relationship and happiness with me and my amazing dc in spite of all they did.

I have got friends who have cheated in their relationships and are now living happily ever after.

A professional who assaulted my child was found to have no case to answer and continues happily in his profession.

I could go on.

Don't get me wrong I know how lucky I am to have my children and to get to live with them full time. Just seems a bit unfair that some people get it ALL and some get nothing. I look around and think how did I end up like this? When I was at school I had so many plans and ideas, I remember reading an article that had a list of ten things you should have achieved before 30 to be a success but I have achieved none of them.

I am officially a LOSER!

OP posts:

cheekybarsteward · 30/09/2012 11:32

Yanbu, there is no such thing as karma. We are not all under some weird cosmic force. We basically live in an unfair world but everyone can do things to improve their personal situation. You, despite all that has happened to you can still see how lucky you are to have your dcs and that is heart warming.
your x may be seen to be living the dream but inside he may not be as happy as you are. He can't possibly feel good about himself can he?
you seem to have forgiven your parents, maybe you find it easier than harbouring resentment towards them. I hope you can look at your x in the same way and maybe feel pity towards him?
and if we are both wrong and there is such thing as karma he will get his ass kicked soon enough :)

WorraLiberty · 30/09/2012 11:33

You're not a loser and I wouldn't pay any mind to silly articles.

YANBU to not believe in karma though.

Schlock · 30/09/2012 11:35

I don't believe in anything woo about karma but I do believe that positivity breeds positivity, so doing good stuff will most likely bring good things to your door.

Trills · 30/09/2012 11:36

YANBU - there is no such thing as karma. Stuff just happens, there is no almighty balancer that makes sure that it is fair.

YABU to change your opinion based on what you have observed though - you don't see enough of other people's lives to be able to judge what they deserve and whether they got it.

flyoverthegoldenhill · 30/09/2012 11:37

You are not a loser.
Big yourself up. You are a mum, Lucky lucky lucky you.
I know its hard with sn kids but it is not the end, turn every thing round.
Make yourself a positive list. I think every thing has an opposite that is a positive. So your ex is a twat. My ex is a twat, and I felt so much of what you said. His life looked so good when he left. Mine was so broken.
Now the miserable bastard is totally alone. It took me a long time but now I am so happy, and my dc's have nothing to do with him(their choice). It was hard, it hurt, it was shitty shit beyond belief. Do something today that makes you smile (even if its just laughing at a random thread). Good luck I wish you well (and I dont believe in karma)

WanderingWhistle · 30/09/2012 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivykaty44 · 30/09/2012 11:45

The word Karma has been adulterated by western minds, go and look at the true meaning of Karma

PeggyCarter · 30/09/2012 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BollocksToKarma · 30/09/2012 12:12

Kalisi · 30/09/2012 12:18

Karma exists in the sense that shit happens to EVERYONE no matter who you are so it stands to reason that after you do a horrible thing, eventually something horrible will happen to you. It's not a Cosmic justice though, what goes around does not (unfortunately) necessarily come around. Absolutely everything we do has a consequence though so hopefully if you concentrate hard on getting your shit together, you can give yourself a happy fulfilling life......or you could just get hit by a bus

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/09/2012 12:23

YANBU to believe or not believe in whatever you want.

Personally, I do believe in Karma, but I don't believe it's a simple as you are making it sound. It isn't like a person does a bad thing and then a few years later ends up with a shit life, that's not what karma is.

dysfunctionalme · 30/09/2012 12:31

I think it's easy to see karma when something crappy happens to a shitfull person. The rest of the time, clearly, it does not exist.

LavenderBriggs · 30/09/2012 12:45

Yanbu, there is no such thing as karma, as it is used in the west (don't know enough about origins to have any opinion).

It would only work if it was a force, like gravity and it isn't. Gravity can easily be proven, karma absolutely cannot.

Or, 'someone' would have to be keeping tabs on everything one does. That doesn't happen. If - if - it did happen that way, then that someone is useless and a lot of good and bad things go unrecorded.

If an individual is consistently bad, then they may be more likely to come up against someone who will hurt them back. Thats as close as I can get to agreeing with the statement 'karma will get them'.

You are not a loser, you have had a lot of horrible things happen to you. I really hope that some nice things come your way.

Fairyliz · 30/09/2012 13:00

No such thing as karma so why not sick to practicalities? Are you sure you are you are getting enough child support if you ex is earning so much? Any benefits you can claim for your SEN child?

How about asking your parent for child care whilst you do some studying? Why about asking friends for help? They might be too scared to offer in case you are offended and think they are suggesting you can't cope.
Come on op you are not a loser chin up

Original poster

fluffyracoon · 30/09/2012 13:15

Yes I know that karma doesn't exist as something tangible but rather that if you keep being a shit head then in the end it will come back on you. You know "the wheel turns full circle" that kind of thing.

Thanks for your replies some of them have made me cry a bit, the ones saying I am not a loser. Thank you.

"you can give yourself a happy fulfilling life......or you could just get hit by a bus " certainly food for thought Kalisi

Wanderingwhistle thanks for sharing that with me. You are so right.

Unfortunately there is not much I can do practically about my situation. My parents live miles away and other family members all work full time and seem very busy and I would feel bad about asking them for help.

I am already studying with the OU .

I know I am actually very, very lucky, I do realise that especially after posting this. I just feel so lonely and afraid of the future sometimes.

OP posts:

WanderingWhistle · 30/09/2012 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brycie · 30/09/2012 13:26

I think you are saying, it's true that nice guys come lst, and to be honest it often is true.

thebeesnees79 · 30/09/2012 13:57

I believe in karma, it took a while to smile on us but boy did it come through in the end.
Long story cut short, husband got made redundant the day before pay day with the promise his wages would be in the bank the next day! They never went in, it was January so we had 6 weeks with out money before not being paid. just got Christmas out the way & had a 2 year old and 6 month old.
They ignored us and wouldn't pay. we had to fight through the courts (we had legal cover on our home insurance that paid for it otherwise we would have dropped it with no choice!) for almost 2 years. they eventually paid up as they clearly had money and were still trading. We ended up with double what they owed us. It was such an awesome feeling. so hang tight because it always catches up with people in the end xx

YouMayLogOut · 30/09/2012 17:01

YANBU, but I think Kalisi's reply is interesting as that version of Karma is much closer to my own views.

Bad things can and do happen to good people, and vice versa (not that any of us are 100% good or bad!)

Personally, I'd agree with Jesus that no-one can be considered more righteous just because good things have happened to them.

"He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust." Matthew 5:45

(I disagree with the right-wing fundamentalists whose theology says that if you pray enough you'll get money, good health etc. etc!)

sarahtigh · 30/09/2012 17:11

also Jesus said "when tower of Siloam fell killing people do you think it was because they were more wicked than the rest? NO "

also when asked about a man born blind, did this man sin or was it his parents he replied neither

The idea that stuff happens depending on how we live our lives has been around a long time but also it has been repudiated for a long time too

bad stuff happening as consequence of our own choices is not included in this

Birdsgottafly · 30/09/2012 17:20

You have misunderstood the meaning of Karma.

Either way, negativite thoughts, deeds and words cannot bring about a positive ending and either reaction, negative or positive, grows and has a knock on effect.

Before we act/speak, it is worth considering whether we want more negativity in the world, or less.

Buddhism is based on absolute personal honesty, though.

Birdsgottafly · 30/09/2012 17:24

"A professional who assaulted my child was found to have no case to answer and continues happily in his profession."

I concern myself with how i live in my own head, rather than RL, tbh.

That 'professional' is either in denial, which personally, i wouldn't want to live like that, or isn't very happy.

XiCi · 30/09/2012 18:08

I agree you have misunderstood the meaning of karma. If its spmething youre interested in you should look it up and read more on the subject.
I think in general that some people just believe life is hard for them when life is hard for everyone. Everyone has their own problems, issues, traumas, tragedy etc in their lives and they deal with it on their own way. You may look at someone and think their life is perfect and not realise what they are dealing with internally. Try and focus on the positive in your life and forget about everyone else

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