To want to trade DH in for a better model?

[Louboo2245]

We've been together 5 years, 2 of which we've been married.
Had our first DC 9 months ago and I have a DS from a previous relationship (8 years) And things just seem to be pissing me off at the minute.

He tries, I know he tries but never seems to live up to my expectations. I'm just wondering if they are too high.

For instance he had his day off this week while I was at work, DD was at childminders and DS was at school, so house to himself. I asked him to do 3 things. 1 to put everyones washing away (roughly 3 loads of it), 2, Stack the dishwasher and 3. lower DD cot base as she is rolling over and jamming herself under her cot toys and waking up.

I get home, dishwasher stacked and finished but not emptied, washing in the right bedrooms but not away and DD cot not even been attempted. He says it was because he had to take the dog to the vet at 2:10.

Now I know he had to do the school run for DS aswell, but he gets home at 9 after dropping him, and didn't have to set off with the dog until half past 1, which gave him more than 4 hours to do this stuff and enjoy the xbox. Yet I come home and do his jobs aswell as sorting the rest of the household out.

I go to friends houses and their husbands are so whipped well trained.

Feeling rubbish in myself too, not attractive, not appreciated. even said I would like a surprise date night out where I don't have to arrange everything, that was 5 months ago and it's not happened.

Where am I going wrong and how do I get an upgrade?

Sympathies sympathies OP. YANBU.

I have this. My DH works hard i know, but his work is a sort of finite thing. It's out of the house. He goes to work, he does the work, he comes home and that's it. He's been to work. Full stop. If i want anything more out of him at home i have to ask and ask and ask and ask and then feel guilty for nagging, because it's some kind of unwritten, unspoken rule that he's done his work. FFS!

But work around the house isn't 9 to 5. It's just bloody endless. And unless you're prepared to live in a pig sty it needs doing over and over again. Not once a month - every day - by someone prepared to notice it needs doing and do it.

HATE myself for saying "Can someone do X for me? It's not for me! House work is for all of us. But i still say it!!!! Why do i say that?

"There isn't a bloody washing up fairy. There isn't a bloody laundry fairy. There isn't a bloody picking things up and putting them away fairy, and there isn't a bloody hoovering fairy" AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH.

(1 DH, 3 teenagers)

Yanbu!

However, I would like to say that not all men have to have lists if things to do or have to be asked/told to do things.

My DH has always helped out without asking from the start.
I often come home to a freshly hoovered house, with all the washing and ironing done, shopping done and the dinner cooking.

He sorts out all the bills, runs a few small business on the side, maintains the cars (usually by doing the work himself), and fixes things as soon as they are broken.

He also helps family out with websites/computer fixing/general DIY.

And he never complains. (Although I sometimes worry that he does too much for everyone that he might be taken for granted sometimes)

Then at the weekend which is when I usually help out around the house, I will start ironing and he will drop what he is doing and join in with the cleaning/tidying to make sure that the whole day isn't taken up by cleaning.

In fact as I am writing this, I am just relaxing after having a bath and reading a book and he has gone up to my parents house to help my brother with the gardening.

And when he comes back later is taking me out for the evening.

Beaverfeaver can you clone him?

OP YANBU Sit down with him and allocate jobs that you both have to do and make it clear that his are his responsibility. Either that or start doing things just for yourself and dc.

Beaver Where did you find him? Does he give lessons?

I have one like Beaver's. He doesn't 'need to be told', he isn't 'whipped' he is a grown up who doesn't expect people to be his servants. Unfortunately he came like that, so I'm no help. Bless my wonderful, late MIL who made sure he knew that women aren't there to serve him.

See I can't blame MIL as he 1 of three and the other 2 are capable of helping out without nagging, they even cook!

I think the secret is finding one who has had to do things for himself and not been ''mummied' into adulthood.

He is te last of 4 boys which might have something to do with it too.

Is it because men are seen to be "helping out" rather than doing their fair share of household chores, which could be dependent on whether the other parent works full time/part time/or is sahp?

Both of them should get equal amounts of leisure time, in an ideal world, I guess that's one reason why I'm single

I also have a model the same as Beaver's, I hate the idea that all men "have to be told" what to do around the house.

You both need to sit down, make lists of what needs to be done and who's going to do it.

Good luck.

Agree Unexpected. I did the washing up this morning. The reason was that, although it is normally DH's job, he had done a mountain of laundry folding on Sunday that was 'my job'. He does the rubbish, I do DD's food for childcare, clothes and all that. He does the recycling for which I would happily swap all the other chores I do the laundry. He does his bit, I do my bit. We negotiate things like work-outs, time 'off', bedtimes and overnights. And, we thank each other.

I do think there is some psychology to this. DH was raised to think that this stuff reflected on him. I think women are far more prone to this. If people are coming round, I think, 'they can take me as they find me'. DH thinks, 'aaarrrggghh they will call Social Services because the washing up is in the sink'. I don't think that my ovaries mean I should give a crap and he shouldn't. Lots of societal pressure to think women should care and value this stuff and men shouldn't.