Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To never speak to my mum again?

41 replies

GolfOscarLimaDelta · 29/09/2012 18:45

I probably am BU. But it's been a hard few days.

On Wednesday I had my gallbladder removed. My mum has DS3 and my DD was with a friend.

She doesn't ring Thursday to see how I am (no one does)

Friday, I hear from SIL. My mum has been poorly with a cold and is grumpy and cross with the others for not helping with DS (he'd been taken out for couple of hours on Thursday)

She's had a row with my brother who stuck up for me when she said "it wasn't a real operation" and I should apparently be fine the next day. I wasn't. I've been in agony but she wouldn't know that because she hasn't asked.

She's moaned to everyone. She has laid on the couch with a blanket and my poor son has had to deal with her attention seekIng when he's already confused about what's going on.

I'm so cross with her. She hates things not being about her and really seems annoyed that I'm "playing" on this.

I can't speak to her. I want my children home now but they won't be home until the morning. I never want to see her again.

Am I just being overly sensitive?

OP posts:

SomeoneThatYouUsedToKnow · 29/09/2012 19:19

Oops xposted

DinosaursOnASpaceship · 29/09/2012 19:21

Poor you I hope you feel 100% again soon.

I understand a little how you feel. I'm a single parent to 3 and 22 weeks pregnant. Also have some dodgy migraine thing going on which really limits me at time, I lose my sight in one eye, throw up, have to sit down to cook etc. I'm seeing a neurologist next week. Today I have moved wardrobes and beds, done the supermarket shopping etc - all normal stuff, but my youngest doesn't sleep through at all and I am exhausted and feel awful most of the time. Dc go out with their dad occassionally and instead of resting I have to catch up on the huge backlog of housework etc.

I've not had one phone call during my pregnancy to ask how I am, see if I need a hand, an offer to take the dc for an hour or even just a hand carrying the food shopping home. I know I have no right to expect it from anyone, but it would be nice, just to be asked how I'm doing. Makes me think 'fuck the lot of you' to be honest

Original poster

GolfOscarLimaDelta · 29/09/2012 19:24

Someone - I am cross I relied on her. She offered and I didn't have much choice as othe family members work and we didn't have much time for booking off days etc.

I thought she would make sur everyone knew what she had done for me. I was prepared to feel in her debt for a while. Planned a big thank you cream cake from her favourite bakers to make a fuss of her. I just didn't think she'd do this.

I don't know why they told me.

OP posts:

FreelanceMama · 29/09/2012 19:26

YANBU to feel like that. But you would BU to act on it. Unless you mean not to talk to her for a bit because you don't trust yourself to keep cool.
Poor you though. Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster

GolfOscarLimaDelta · 29/09/2012 19:27

:( dinosaurs :(

I just don't understand how family can not seem to care. I honestly think they don't like me very much sometimes. I'm usually the one holding it together though. That's why I get overlooked.

I'd like for one of them to say " it must be hard for you - have a break for a couple of hours"

I hope someone steps in soon - if not, ask ignores own advice

OP posts:

sookiesookie · 29/09/2012 19:30

Why did you brother tell, while you are recovering from an OP, that your mum has been moaning.

She sounds like a PITA. But you all sound a little dramatic. You are not just annoyed you are considering never ever speaking to her again and your brother was creating more drama when he could have left it.

DinosaursOnASpaceship · 29/09/2012 19:33

I think I am definately seen as the 'capable' one. Plus as the dc are well behaved when we are out I think they think I have it easy. Maybe they just don't like me - no one ever knocks my door for a cuppa, I must give off vibes or something not that the dc are naughty at home, just typical boys, noisy and messy. Oh well, at least I don't have to share my biscuits with anyone!

diddl · 29/09/2012 19:33

"They probably could have taken him but they all saw it wasn't real."

Yes-but in not pandering to her-your son has been let down.

He probably might as well have been with you!

I might not cut her off, but maybe not contact until I felt ready.

Original poster

GolfOscarLimaDelta · 29/09/2012 19:38

I see what you are saying sookie. It wasn't my brother that told me though. My sister did. She has little patience for my mum and just wanted to moan I think.

I spoke to my other brother who lives there and he confirmed what's been happening but I questioned him so I don't know what would have been said otherwise.

I'm just sick of it all. Too dramatic - probably. But I don't think I want this happening anymore. It's a lot of other stuff I guess.

Everyone of us just accepts she's like this. None of us ever confront her about it and I just wonder if it's time I did that now. Or at least step back from it.

OP posts:

sookiesookie · 29/09/2012 19:40

It wasn't my brother that told me though. My sister did. well, tbh your sister should have put you first instead her moaning, sounds like you dbro is pretty neutral. But had I have been him, i would have played it down until you were better. Then if I thought it may impact you or dcs in future then I would have had a word.

Original poster

GolfOscarLimaDelta · 29/09/2012 19:42

I know he's been let down diddl :(

That's probably why I feel so bad. I can ignore what she says or does to me but I feel guilty for putting my son in the way here.

OP posts:

sookiesookie · 29/09/2012 19:42

My mum is very dramatic, so I do get it. Luckily me, dad and dbro are not. We never exchange goings on unless we really need to. Just let her crack on. :)

I can see why you are fed up. Just don't make a dramatic gesture while feeling so low. You may regret it, then you will start getting a reputation of being dramatic.

Original poster

GolfOscarLimaDelta · 29/09/2012 19:45

I know :(

I just want to run away from the lot of them. Bloody drama queen it seems.

Thanks though.

I will give it a while. I am moving in 10 days so have the perfect excuse not to see her as I'm too busy.

Then no doubt I will end up feeling guilty and the others will say she's asking over me and I'll back down again.

OP posts:

diddl · 29/09/2012 19:47

No need to feel guilty-you´ll be busy moving-and there´s nothing to stop her contacting you.

ErmahgerdPerngwens · 29/09/2012 19:47

I know there is a lot of history here, but I've had a really horrible cold this week which has made me feel like lying on the sofa and moaning. It doesn't look bad from the outside, I've got a headache, earache, sore joints and feel so tired though.

Is there a possibility that, just this once, your mum is really ill, not putting it on?

SuperB0F · 29/09/2012 19:48

I think sookie is getting to the nub of it here: it sounds like there is an issue with the whole dynamic, the dance you do around each other. For now, I'd concentrate on getting better, but I think there are probably some useful books that people in the Relationships topic could recommend you to help you unpick it all and start to think about how to disrupt the dynamic by changing your role in it. There's a famous one by Eric Berne called Games People Play, although I don't know it well, but I bet there are others.

Flip

1 2