to apply for this job?

[Teamumizumi]

I work in a very specialised area and my dream job has come up in a city 30 miles away. It will take one hour to drive there and and another 45 minutes to drive through the city. However, family logistics make it very awkward. Ideally I could move my children's schools so that we all commute together but one is in Year 10 and has just started GCSEs and the other is 5 so he won't have any local school friends to play with. My husband is also telling me not to apply for this job as it would mean staying over during the week (my mother lives within 5 mins walk of this dream job) and he doesn't want the family split up during the week.

It also means a pay cut. It means double the amount of petrol I spend each week.

But it is a great job, career progression and I'm so fed up with my current job that I'm actually going to commit career suicide and have pre-planned my exit for this Christmas anyway.

Do I put my working life first or my family first?

Sorry, must log off and do some work.

I am prepared to commute.
I am prepared to change 5 year olds school.
I am prepared to stay over 2 nights a week with my mum and DS.

DH says NO. NO. NO. NO to everything. I can see his point. He is a hands-on family man and doesn't want to be separated from me or DS during the week for less money, more hassle and a more stressful family lifestyle.

But....

My dp commutes by train to the next city which is a similar distance away. It's madness driving in rush hour. He leaves the house at 7am and gets home at 6.45 pm.

Would this be possible?
Would they consider one/ two days working from home?

You could do it but you need a good support network.

It's not far enough away to justify sleeping over IMO and I don't blame him about your ds sleeping out.

Have you checked the train times etc?

Sadly, there are no trains. Really - there are no trains.

This is also a job which has to be on-site. Working from home is not an option.

Am loving you and leaving you, Mumsnetters.

Thanks for your advice, as ever you are pillars of support

x

I don't understand how a thirty mile drive can take nearly two hours.

If someone can take your youngest to school in the mornings (you may need to find a childminder) then surely you would be best to work mornings and commute everyday, that way you can pick your youngest up. That seems like the least impact option.

Agree I know an awful lot of people who would consider a 1 1/2 or 2 hour commute to be 'normal', one of my best friends does nearly two hours each way, works full time and has three kids under 10.

If its part time and quite flexible (you mention working mornings or doing 3 days so I assume about 21 hours) can't you work 10am-2.30pm 5 days a week? giving plenty of time to commute?

Apply. As others have said if you don't get it, problem solved.

If your partner is a hands on family guy surely he'll he there to look after the kids? Can't both of you make adjustments so both of you have a fulfilling career? Instead of saying no, no, no he should be working out how you can both work on this together.

It can do if you have to fight through rush hour.

I've just moved and have to drop ds off at nursery in a different part of one city a d it takes an hour and a half!

That's what would put me off but good idea you could see if they will be flexible on hours so you miss both rush hours a d can drop kids off if you need to.

I'm just wondering (sorry if have completely wrong end of the stick) if you and he have discussed each option separately and spelled out what each different solution would mean.

I only say this because you are slightly lumping together a whole range of options here in each post, some of which are mutually exclusive. I can sort of understand why he's saying "No no no!" if what he's hearing is "I'll need to do a long commute AND I can stay over at DM's AND DS can move schools AND it will cost more/bring in less." Some of those things are fixed, others are not.

Anyways, chatting to the woman about it sounds a good idea.

I feel for you. I've been unable to take a distant part-time job (career-progressing but not well paid) because the family logistics are too hard. It's very frustrating and I still sometimes wonder if I should have strained every nerve to make it work. It's worth making the point that if you're in this field, it's not necessarily the only shot you'll ever have at it. Opportunities do come up again, and in a few years the logistics may be easier.

But there's no harm in applying and seeing what kind of flexibility they can offer.