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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Grandparent involvement

28 replies

nvj · 27/09/2012 22:26

How often do your parents or in laws bother to see their grandchildren.
Feeling a bit naffed off with my parents but not sure how to broach the subject without causing a rift?!
My parents are both retired but in early retirement and in their early 60s. My dad works one day a week volunteering.
We see them about once every 4-6 week or so and they live about 30 mins away and predominantly we have to go round there. Occasionally they will 'pop' over but usually only if combining it with another errand or visit.
They babysit my children (twins age 7) 3 or four times a year but never really keen to do it.
They have never taken them out for the day anywhere, never been helpful with having things at their house like wipes or plastic cups... We always have to take our own. Never bought toys to keep at their house etc.
I used to be really really close with my mum, like one of my best friends, chatted 3/4 times a week but now we only chat prob once every 2-3 weeks and I really don't know why.
Asked my parents to have girls next weekend (6 oct) but my mum said no as they getting new dog (got it y'day) and she wanted to make sure it was settled?!?! Whaaaaaat??!
I can't understand why they're not really interested in their grandchildren?? The whole thing baffles me.
My MIL is worse, even going as far as saying she doesn't like children in front of my girls!! Unbelievable!! Gutted that FIL passed away before they were born as he would have dotes on them!

AIBU to be annoyed, particularly with my own parents (mil not so bothered about as she's always been like that!)
Not sure what to do/say?? How do you even broach this without causing a rift??
Probably need to say something before I boil over though hey?!!

OP posts:
thegreylady · 28/09/2012 08:22

YANBU to be hurt but maybe saying something would make matters worse unless you can just ask your mum outright how she feels and why you and she seem to have drifted apart.
Fwiw I am one who loves being a grandparent and do all the things you mention your mum not doing I am 68 and dh is 76.

Mama1980 · 28/09/2012 08:25

Doesn't sound a lot to me to be honest. We see grandparents at least every other week usually more. Same as I did growing up. Yanbu to feel hurt.

panicnotanymore · 28/09/2012 08:30

Do you have any experience of dogs OP? Most need time to settle before introducing something as unpredictable and noisy as a small child. The majority of unsettled and nervous dogs will snap if startled, or pee, or bark, or generally act in a way you'd really rather they didn't. I wouldn't have small children anywhere near a new dog until I was certain it was safe for both the kids and the dog either.

As for the rest, they have done their parenting, and much as you might like a break I can totally see their point. I'm always vaguely amazed when people get uppity about grandparents not doing child care. Why should they?

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