to be so upset with the dc?

[PiedWagtail]

Today picked up dd from school. She flung her stuff at me (in a nice way) and ran off to the playground (we go there after school as ds plays football). She is 8. She played with friends etc while he played footy. After his footy DS (he is 5) came over to me, threw his shin pads at me (in a nice way), gave me all his bags, and whinged all the way back to the car. 'Have you got a snack' is the first thing he said to me.

In the car neither of them could think of anything that happened at school today to tell me - ds is very tired after footy. Got home and they dumped their stuff in the hall and left it there for me to tidy. Asked them to tidy it - school bag to dining room, tidy shoes, lunch box to kitchen - like I ask them every day.

I meanwhile sorted out PE kit for tomorrow, set table, put tea on to heat (had cooked it earlier).

DH then comes home and sits in lounge talking to kids (who have rememberdd loads about their day and are happy to talk to him about it) while I am tidying and getting tea ready. Kids pleased to see him and chat happily to him. Had tea.

After tea, ds said, 'what's for pudding?' No 'thank you for tea', no nothing.

I went upstairs to bed, in floods of tears. So they can't be arsed to say hello to me or talk to me, but I'm fine to ferry them around places, sort out their bags and school stuff, cook their tea and wait on them hand and foot??

Lay on bed and cried for ages. I've just been referred for counselling for anxiety so that's why I'm posting. AIBU to feel like this?? Or should I just laugh it off???? I feel like a fucking skivvy - and feel like telling them, if you can't be nice and civil to me, then I'm not going to do a thing for you, and see how you like it.

Maybe I'm such a crap mum that they don't like me and don't want to be with me, and they'd be better off without me.

What Freddos said.

Kids don't really appreciate all we do when they're young because they have nothing to compare it to...it's all they've ever known.

It might be a good idea to tell your DH how you feel and maybe he can rope them in - you know set an example by over stating how lovely the dinner is and encouraging the kids to say the same?

That's always worked in this house. But seriously, I'm sure they do appreciate you and love you just as much as they love their Dad.

When I ask my kids how their day at school was I'm lucky to get, "Ok I spose" out of them.

Until it's bed time and all of a sudden they remember every single friggin detail and want to tell me about it

I could have written your post OP - except that I haven't had to cry. yet. But I say the same things every day and it's as though I'VE NEVER SAID IT. they are always utterly aghast that I'm asking them to put their stuff away etc. Sympathies

DC will come out with some unthinking/downright arsey things.

DS went through a phase of saying "Sweets" -not "Can I have some sweets, Mum"?

I tell him I'm his mother not his schoolmates and I won't answer him if he talks to me like that.

So then he greets me with: "HelloMummyNicetoSeeYouDidYouHaveaGoodDayatWork"....."SweetsPlease".

Yanbu and you are not a crap mum.
I'm sure lots of us have had days like yours and I hope you get the help you need soon.
I agree you could prompt them with please and thank you's though and talk to your DH

Hugs

You are they mummy, THEY KNOW you will always adore them no matter what, so they take you for granted. You are not a crap mum, I assure you, actually you are a great mum for caring so good for them. They talk to their father because they are relax sitting at home, after being fed, and calm down. When you picked them, they were exciting for the playing to come, and then exhausted and hungry, so not talkactive. I think what you need to do is sit there with your husband and kids after tea, instead of being tidying up on your own. Husband and kids need to help with the tidying/cleaning and then you all sit together. Talk to them and say you want to spend this time before bed chatting ALL of you together, that you feel left out. They will understand.

Can't be bothered to go through all replies do sorry if being repetitive. Sounds like 'normal' kids behaviour, BUT they will only do it if you allow it. For example you say they threw their stuff at you 'in a nice way'...no they did not. They threw it at you and you accepted it. You should be calling them up on this and telling them its not ok, they will soon get the idea.

Lay down the rules and stick to them. Eg - must put school stuff away or no dessert, must ask to get down from table, must carry own things unless politely ask mum to carry/look after

Your kids do love you though, they just take you for granted because you're always there. If dad did the mum role it'd be the same the other way around!

Thank you so much everyone. Really touched by your replies. I have spoken to the children and have laid out how I expect them to behave. Think they got it. Appreciate your help :) x

Excellent work. Well done!

Dd2 (age 8) went through a moany stage last year. I pointed out that the first thing she usually said upon meeting me was a moan "dd1's done this" "why did you park/meet me here not there?" "I didn't get a..."

As soon as she started moaning, I would interupt her, and tell her to put her moany voice away. At first she responded with "yes, but it's not fair because..." gradually she got the idea that I will listen if she asks nicely, but not if it's said in a moany voice. It took most of a year, but now if she starts off on a moan, she almost always remembers, and stops and apologises before speaking nicely.

Unfortunately she's now going through a sad phase, and everything is which I'm trying to get to the bottom of. I'm hoping next year we'll have a happy phase... perhaps...