To use gifts as I chose?

[Fizzyduck]

When we got married many moons ago we received a lovely cutlery set, nothing too fancy, but I really liked it. Anyway we decided to use it for every day use, which we have, and its still going strong now. I have recently found out that the people who gave it to us are really upset that we use it for every day and think we should keep it in the box and bring it out for special occasions.
Dh's comment is that 'oh they're from that generation'. My view is that if we left it for special we'd use it once a year at Christmas, which I see as a waste.
Are we being unreasonable to you a gift as we see fit?

My dad gave me my grandma's 'best' tea set that she got when she got married in the 1920s - he said his grandma had rarely used it, that he'd never had the heart to use it himself (said it just felt wrong to him), but he'd be really pleased if DH and I had it out and used it. So we do - but only on special occasions...

I don't have the storage space to keep stuff "for best". So I prefer to have cutlery/crockery that looks good, and wears well enough to use all the time, even for special occasions.

In fact, MIL has just got her first microwave at the age of 83, and is now packing up some of her crockery to get rid of because it isn't microwave safe. She has some "best" stuff, but as she's been diagnosed with cancer, she's beginning to ruthlessly sort/chuck stuff cos she has decided she doesn't want to leave it to us once she's gone (although I think she'll lick this cancer like every other problem.

She did say it was the done thing back then to have a set "for best".

YANBU. It was a gift - use it as you please. If I'd given a gift to someone I'd just be happy they were using it rather than it being stuffed in a cupboard.

YANBU

Anyone remember the thread where someone had given their old baby clothes to another mum, and then saw her with her little dog wearing one of the jumpers? :)

(I guess that's a bit more understandable as there was an emotional connection etc. But still. You give someone a gift, it's theirs to use as they please. And I'd generally I agree it's better for something to get used than not, even if it's not quite the way you'd use it yourself!)

It is yours to use as you like. They can't give a gift and attach conditions to it.

One Christmas a couple of years ago my DS and I were setting the table in DM's house.

She directed us at the day to day plates and crockery (mismatches, donations, last ones left out of a set) - we burst out laughing and took the good stuff from the dresser behind her (making a few pointed comments about how having 3 generations in the house for Christmas dinner could be considered a special occasion and was she saving the crockery for when the Pope came to visit!).
(she did laugh as well)

I think a certain generation are so trained to think that good stuff has to be kept for best, that they forget to actually use it as they never feel an occasion is important enough, or that the risk of breakage in daily use is too high.

I have a boxed set of "Bohemian lead crystal" champagne flutes I wish we could use more- we don't have champagne often enough! We only use them at Christmas and last year DH smashed one. His face was a picture. I think he thought I was going to send him to sit on the stairs.

YANBU the gift-givers can't dictate how or when you should use something. They should be please you like it so much to use it every day. Some the wedding presents we got went straight to the charity shop!!!