To think that ignoring bad behavior is f****ing ignorant old school behavior

[paranoid2android]

Im so depressed reading all these mums net threads that basically say 'just ignore it' about crying or other bad behaviors. This was the way I was parented 30 years ago ffs! If I wanted to parent like my own parents why would I need to go on an Internet forum to hear all about these old school parenting philosophies.
I know there are some great enlightened mums betters out there but you seem to be awfully quiet of late!!!

News flash mums betters - bad behavior is a red flag that your child needs connection and love to get on track again

News flash 2 - crying helps children release feelings do they can get back to their natural cooperative selves.

Your kids could be little Angels if you weren't so intent on ignoring them

If you ignore bad behavior it just gets worse because child feels even more rejected and alone when you withdraw connection
News flash mums betters

[CakeBump]

"children would be happy to let all their feelings out at home, so they would not cry in public, but because they are often ignored they need to look for things to cry about. "

what a load of bollocks OP.

[CakeBump]

I bet the OP is early twenties, with some sort of questionable "degree" in Early Childhood Studies and no kids of her own :)

[PostBellumBugsy]

Young kids tend to go through a phase of objecting to all sorts of perfectly normal every day things. Quite often, if they are going mental, you can't get anywhere near them as they are so mentally & physically absorbed in their protest. Surely, it is better to let them get the protest out of their system & move on, rather than acknowledge the really dreadful behaviour with love & affection.

Toddlers brains are still fairly rudimentary too, so although as adults one would hope we are more complex than dogs - I'm not sure toddlers are that far in advance!

[imnotmymum]

paranoid I am sorry and as an academic am aware of embracing all new theories openly. However your last post awards you a .

[arthurfowlersallotment]

This thread is hurting my neo cortex.

[bragmatic]

I'm going to ignore this thread.

[OhChristFENTON]

News Flash : Tantrums are a phenomenom






you are having a laugh now.

[ChunkyPickle]

Good lord that link was a load of tripe. I couldn't get past the broken cookie bit, but I doubt it improved.

Believe me, when DS cries because he broke his babybel getting it out of the wax, he's crying because he broke his babybel, which he really wanted, in perfect babybel shape. He's not crying because of any built up stress.

[piprabbit]

You seem to be muddling "ignore" with "walk away".

I am quite able to ignore a tantrum, while remaining beside my child, ready to step in when they are calmer.

I haven't seen anyone advocate leaving an upset child literally alone.

[SomersetONeil]

I'm sure what you're suggesting works some times for some children... but surely you can see that it's not a fail-safe, one-size-fits-all approach. Surey?

Child-rearing is way more complex than that.

I'm actually cringing for you a bit on here - you're exposing and embarrassing yourself.

[BaronessBomburst]

if there's a day when you have some extra time to listen, rather than walk away, yes he will tantrum more freely,

Haha haha haha hahaha!!

[arthurfowlersallotment]

My five month old screamed last night because I took away her bath crocodile. I guess it was just her venting her frustration at the state of the economy.

[Pandemoniaa]

So, OP. How old are your children?

[MrSunshine]

Major shock: Its a California based parenting idea. Well, thats likely to be factual and relavent to the rest of us?

[imnotmymum]

I could not resist looking at links. It is hilarious reading the principles of aware parenting and far too much hard work for me

[Hullygully]

I pinch mine when we are at home so they can access their negative emotions and get them out instead of setting fire to the playgroup

[ChunkyPickle]

I suspect you're muddling up all types of crying together, and calling them all tantrums.

Have a child for a bit and you'll see that tantrums are very different from angry crying, upset crying, tired crying, hungry crying, feeling ill crying etc. and they all need slightly different handling (plus different handling depending on the child themselves)

[SomersetONeil]

Please OP, put us out of our misery - tell us how old your baby child children is are?!

[Morloth]

I parent the same way my parents did.

It works. I am living proof, as are my siblings (and DH who was parented in a similar manner).

If my kids turn out like me, then I will be very happy.

[meditrina]

< idly wonders if OP is connected to the website and is hoping for increased hits >

[missymoomoomee]

Actually my 11yo is very good at articulating his feelings because I ignored his tantrums and he learned to speak about what was upsetting him, his teacher even commented on it last week.

My 8yo hasn't had a tantrum since she was about 3 and if there is something upsetting her she comes and speaks to me about it rather than kick off.

My younger children are being taught the same way.

There is no walking on eggshells to avoid tantrums, just open and honest talking in this household.

You may be happy to encourage tantrums to let feelings out but I personally don't think encouraging them to scream and cry because they are upset is very healthy, are they going to continue that into adulthood?

[BaronessBomburst]

Now, if you'd called it the 'broken biscuit phenomenon' I might have taken you seriously.

[Hullygully]

Actually, ds (now 15) has never has a tantrum and dd has had about two.

WHERE HAVE I GONE SO WRONG?

[OhChristFENTON]

I am actually ROFLing at the thought of, whilst DS2 was in full swing tantrum

a) holding him and comforting him - are you kidding? if he kicked and struggled I would probably end up with a multitude of bruises, If he kicked and struggled by himself he would more likely feel the discomfort and realise how silly he was being.

b) making eye contact with him - seriously have you ever seen a tantruming child? - they generally have their eyes tightly closed and will only open them if they hear the words - 'ok, you can have it'

c) telling him I understand him and I'm there for him - again he will not hear me, he will not care a jot what I say unless it's - 'ok, you can have it'


Get real OP, you have never experienced a true tantrum have you?

FWIW DS1 and DS2 only had a handful of proper tantrums between them.

[PostBellumBugsy]

This seems to one of those theories that only works when you have one child. When you have more than one, there often isn't time to indulge some massive hissy fit about the peas touching the sausages. Of course you are still there, but you are wiping pea & sausage off the floor & your newborn, while breastfeeding at the same time. Your toddler is chucking themself around roaring at the injustice of it all - probably at the state of his life generally - although who knows because the whole pea & sausage thing certainly doesn't make much sense.
In a year's time, it will all have passed. You are still there as the parent, who didn't beat them or disown them & remains constant in their life. That's not "old school" it is just doing the best you can, not losing your temper & not trying to kiss & hug an angry & slightly unhinged small child!!!!