To think that ignoring bad behavior is f****ing ignorant old school behavior

[paranoid2android]

Im so depressed reading all these mums net threads that basically say 'just ignore it' about crying or other bad behaviors. This was the way I was parented 30 years ago ffs! If I wanted to parent like my own parents why would I need to go on an Internet forum to hear all about these old school parenting philosophies.
I know there are some great enlightened mums betters out there but you seem to be awfully quiet of late!!!

News flash mums betters - bad behavior is a red flag that your child needs connection and love to get on track again

News flash 2 - crying helps children release feelings do they can get back to their natural cooperative selves.

Your kids could be little Angels if you weren't so intent on ignoring them

If you ignore bad behavior it just gets worse because child feels even more rejected and alone when you withdraw connection
News flash mums betters

[SomersetONeil]

I discipline/admonish or tell off...

• nuisance behaviour
  
• hitting
  
• biting (think this has happened once?)
  
• talking back
  
• being rude
  

I ignore...

• tantrums
  
• whining
  
• attention-seeking
  
• playing one of us off against the other (can't remember the last time this happened)
  

I praise...

• doing as they're told
  
• doing something well
  
• doing something they initially resisted
  
• doing something for the first time
  
• trying
  
• being good
  
• helping
  
• sharing
  
• anything even vaguely positive
  

My currency is cuddles and kisses and affection and 'I love yous' - I tell my kids I love them countless times a day - couldn't care less if it diminishes it. I praise them for every last little thing. I'm a fully-fledged over-praiser and proud of it.

The not-so-surprising thing about all of this is - that I spend the vast, vast majority of my time with my chidren praising them, as opposed to disciplining and ignoring. Since because they get loads of attention for good behaviour and very little for bad, they tend to overwhelmingly repeat the good.

Where have I been going wrong?!

[Nanny0gg]

Blimey! I never ignored my DC's bad behaviour 30 years ago! Anything but.

I think you just had what we called 'liberal parents' in those days OP.

[dottyspotty2]

Ignoring bad behaviour rules are more about ignoring insignificant misdemeanors and praising reinforcing good behaviour it works if done properly. I brought mine up that way eldest is 21 youngest almost 17 and they are very respectful young people. I was a child of the 70's/80's and it was wallopings and living in fear that doesn't do any good IMO

[puds11]

Baroness before i get pissy, why does it matter if the op is young?

I agree with the people saying they ignore crying if it is related to bad behavior. Sometimes the best thing to do is just let the crying/tantrum etc. play out without getting involved. If my child cries because she is scared/sad etc. then of course i don't ignore her.

[ScarletLady02]

I'm struggling with my DD (21mo) as she is having a hard time waiting for anything and has a meltdown if she can't have things instantly. I used the word "ignore" in the context of, I will not give in and drop everything instantly just because she shrieks at me...I think the OP took aversion to this. I'm new to all this (she's my first) so was asking for advice on whether I was doing the right thing. I will take the time to talk to her and explain why she needs to wait, and I will comfort her if she gets upset...but I feel that learning to wait is an important lesson. I'd be happy for people to tell me if I'm doing something wrong, and give me other options obviously.

[TantrumsAndGoldAndOrange]

I think it was pointed out she was young because of the remarks about "old school parenting"

[TheOneWithTheHair]

I'm interested to see if op will respond.

Fwiw I thank you for your opinion but I totally disagree with you!

[VoterColonelSebastianDoyle]

If my dd who is nearly 2 starts throwing a tantrum, i do just ignore her. Normally she just comes out of it within minutes. If were out in public and shes out of her buggy and starts tanting i just calmly put her back in her buggy and ignore her. Obviously if theres something wrong with her then i dont ignore her. But in my experience ignoring tantrums is the best policy.

[TantrumsAndGoldAndOrange]

I don't think the op will respond. I don't think this thread was started with the intention of getting people's opinions or anything, judging by the tone of the OP.

[TheOneWithTheHair]

You're probably right Tantrums.

[Dawndonna]

Come back in 20 years and tell us how it went, will you.

[MummytoMog]

Ahahahahahahahah.

Oh. You weren't joking. Awkward.

[BaronessBomburst]

Puds11 Don't have a complex. I'm an old mum and it's physically hell! As long as you don't climb up on a soapbox and start trying to tell everyone else what they should be doing it'll be fine. And if you do, well, then expect to be laughed at.

I think my point was that the OP is very naive, and broadcasting the fact.

[Tanith]

I think you are confusing two techniques here.

One is Positive Parenting, where you praise the good and ignore the unwanted behaviour.
The other is neglect, where you just ignore the child regardless.

Which do you mean?

[meditrina]

I'm a bit about the reference to 30 years ago as "old school", especially as the 70s and 80s were the time when Penelope Leach's books were best sellers and that was a time when comforting parenting was most definitely in the ascendancy.

[bakingaddict]

Maybe you've got some hang-ups or weird shit from your own childhood to sort out but it's a bit off to criticise all parents for ignoring crying and bad behaviour. Crying in regards to not getting a toy they want is quite different from crying because the child is scared, hurt, unwell etc. Most normal well balanced parents can differeniate between the two and act accordingly

Clarify and construct the main points of your arguement in a more specific manner in order for us to better understand your POV

[dysfunctionalme]

I wish my bad behaviour 30 yrs ago had been ignored.

I think you sound v young and well, quite ignorant really.

All the best with your perfect parenting strategies

[exoticfruits]

Perhaps OP could come back, tell us exactly what she means, how many children she has and how old they are.
If she wants 'little angels' does she want the sort of Victorian, seen but not heard child? Does she not understand that her DC may just want to vent their frustration and have a good scream and tantrum-it is a developmental stage.
One of the best things you can do for your DC is benign neglect-give them chance to be bored and inventive.
OP sounds as if she wants to micro manage their DC, not let them learn to deal with negative feelings but to step in and sooth it away so that she can have her 'little angel'.
I would bet that she has only one child-you can't please more than one all the time. I would also bet that it is a baby and she hasn't come across the tired child who throws a wobbly because you gave her the red cup instead of a blue cup and will still throw it if you instantly swap it for the blue.
What on earth is she going to do when the child says 'I don't love you' or 'I like Daddy better'? Take it seriously?
I think that she should throw away the books!

[OhChristFENTON]

I think OP, that when your child hits tantrum age you might need to view this differently, and follow your instincts and perhaps you too will know what to ignore and when to comfort instead.

Younger children / babies do cry when they are tired, hungry, frustrated with being unable to express themselves and this of course can and should be handled with patience and understanding.

When they are older and start to experience the word 'no' more often they may cry and create a fuss for a new reason, - just because they disagree with you and they want to have/ do something that they can't. - there's your tantrum.

You'll know when it happens.

[imnotmymum]

I do not understand where you coming from. If the child is crying then of course recognise feelings and deal with it but if crying as not getting own way etc. then ignore it and they will realise getting them nowhere and stop.
news flash OP we are a loving, close family and I did ignore my DD3 this morning when her favourite school trouser was not dry and she had to wear others.

[Softlysoftly]

You are having a tantrum op

Therefore I am ignoring you.

[OhChristFENTON]

Ha ha

[ClippedPhoenix]

Ignore bad behaviour and praise good.

It worked for me.

I could count the number of tantrums my son had on one hand. He learnt pretty quickly that a tantrum would not get attention/what he wanted.

Not sure what you're on about regarding the genuine crying though? Of course you don't leave an upset child to cry without consoling?

I will add however, I never did the "let a child cry themselves to sleep thing". That to me was an awful theory.

[MrSunshine]

News Flash: Bugger off and shove your daft opinions up your arse.

[Ormiriathomimus]

Stop it with the news flashes. It's not that interesting.

I am now ignoring you.