To think that ignoring bad behavior is f****ing ignorant old school behavior

[paranoid2android]

Im so depressed reading all these mums net threads that basically say 'just ignore it' about crying or other bad behaviors. This was the way I was parented 30 years ago ffs! If I wanted to parent like my own parents why would I need to go on an Internet forum to hear all about these old school parenting philosophies.
I know there are some great enlightened mums betters out there but you seem to be awfully quiet of late!!!

News flash mums betters - bad behavior is a red flag that your child needs connection and love to get on track again

News flash 2 - crying helps children release feelings do they can get back to their natural cooperative selves.

Your kids could be little Angels if you weren't so intent on ignoring them

If you ignore bad behavior it just gets worse because child feels even more rejected and alone when you withdraw connection
News flash mums betters

[exoticfruits]

I have no idea what you are talking about. I can't say that most people are ignoring a crying baby. You can try doing something with a tantrum if you want, but it won't get you anywhere - much better to totally ignore until they finish and then find out what it was all about.
Unless you want to get into a downward spiral, it is much better to concentrate on the positive and ignore the negative - pick your battles.
Perhaps you are paranoid as your name suggests. Do you have much experience or do you just have a baby and have read the books? 30 years ago all parents were different, as they are now.

[RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs]

What age? I never ignored my crying baby, but my naughty four year old gets not one bit of a reaction when she is attention seeking, otherwise she gets what she wants. I give her plenty of one on one time, the naughtiness is not a sign of her lacking anything but her own way, and I believe I am doing the best for her by timing out and ignoring bad behaviour.

[SheelaNeGoldGig]

I'm a mumsbetter.

[Thumbwitch]

YABU; except in the case where "bad behaviour" = bashing some other unsuspecting child and leaving that child's parent to somehow deal with it while you're ignoring it.

Ignoring wilful attention seeking is fine. Ignoring a truly upset child is not. Being able to tell the difference = being a better parent.

[noblegiraffe]

I ignore my 3 year old when he's crying after not getting his own way. This is because it is his method of releasing frustration at things he can't control and to cuddle him or try to talk to him at that time would be futile. It usually lasts a couple of minutes and then he's fine.

And I think I know my DS and how to deal with him better than the OP.

[Birdsgottafly]

bad behavior is a red flag that your child needs connection and love to get on track again

Not always, you are not allowing for different personalities/situations.

Most children grow through reconised stages, these will involve boundary pushing, for some children and behaviour, it is best to ignore it, but set up activities that will cause you to praise the child.

That is why parenting strategies have to be personalised.

I carry out Triple P and other courses such as the Webster Stratton course, both get the parent to think about why the child is doing what they do 'wrong', some need addressing, some need ignoring.

The same applies to the Teenage years.

[StaceymReadyForNumber3]

I only ignor my children when their crying is because they can't get their own way.

There is no way I will be bringing up any child who believes that they are the centre of the universe, because they are not. Both my dcs know that I love them but if they are crying for attention they get sent away so I can't hear them, until they stop. When they come back we discuss why they were upset and they are entitled to feel that way but it does not change the facts (that they have to tidy their room/can't watch 10 hrs of tv etc etc).

My children are pretty well rounded tbh.

I don't personally know any mothers who describe crying as bad behaviour, or ignor a child who is Truely upset!

[Kalisi]

I'm a bit confused by your post as well. If you're on about parents who sit there completely oblivious whilst their children are running around being complete disruptive ahem rascals then I agree, that type of parenting pisses me off as well its just damm lazy but considering you mention crying I dont think that's what you mean. As everyone else has said on here, crying is not bad behaviour and ignoring a tantrum rather than fighting it is surely the best thing?

[BitOutOfPractice]

I think the op has withdrawn her love from us and is ignoring our bad behaviour in disagreeing with us

[WelshMaenad]

If you think you know best how EVERY child in the goddamn world needs to be parented, better than their parents why the fuck are you wasting your time on us? Quick, go write a book and get a tv franchise, the universe needs your superior wisdom!!,

[TheProvincialLady]

I don't need my children to be "little Angels" thanks, and anyone who thinks that is even a desirable state for a child can be safely ignored, and that's not even mentioning the other half coherent bollocks you are also spouting.

[gallifrey]

I think that these days not many children actually get a punishment for doing something naughty.
I was round my friends house the other day and her little girl bit her older sister really hard and drew blood, all she did was make her say sorry and then let her go and play again. I was a bit as I would have really told off my child for biting and just to get them to say sorry is a cop out as far as I'm concerned. Surely this would just give them the belief that you can do anything as long as you just say sorry afterwards!

[PostBellumBugsy]

I wish my mum had ignored bad behaviour, instead of walloping us!!!! Isn't that old school behaviour?
I thought the ignoring thing these days, was if they are having some big old tantrum about not wanting to wear their shoes out in the pouring rain. Instead of having a fight with a two year old, you just ignore the tantrum? Isn't that what the ignoring thing is all about? Obviously not ignoring them if they are biting chunks out of some other kid or poking their fingers in electrical sockets.
Am I applying too much common sense?

[Goldmandra]

Remaining calm and refusing to engage in a shouting match or give the child what they are demanding is not the same as ignoring them. You can ignore the things the child is doing but still be available to offer comfort and reassurance.

You don't ignore the child. You simply don't respond to the negative aspects of their behaviour in order not to reinforce them. You replace that attention with positive reinforcement for good behaviour and, if they are in meltdown, cuddles and reassurance when they are ready. This is also followed by an age appropriate acknowledgement of their emotions and an explanation of how their behaviour was unacceptable and a more appropriate alternative they could try next time.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone on here advise a parent to just ignore the child until they sort themselves out, then dismiss the whole thing and carry on as if nothing has happened.

[MainlyMaynie]

I suspect you only have a very young child OP? It's far easier to judge other people when you haven't had to deal with things yourself. For example, advising people to physically prevent a toddler from headbutting only makes sense when you have never dealt with a headbutting toddler, as there is no safe way to stop a toddler who is determined to bang their head back and forth...

[RaisinDEtre]

Here have an old school 4

[Feminine]

Its quite normal and safe to ignore a child that is having a tantrum.

Better actually.

I don't really understand you op

[SomersetONeil]

I don't think the OP really understand the OP...

[YouOldSlag]

If my child's bad behaviour was affecting others i.e hitting or being a nuisance somewhere public, I would definitely stop their behaviour by removing them and/or telling them off and making them apologise if necessary.

If my son is having a huge tantrum at home because he can't get his own way, he is sent to his room and ignored until he is calm, whereupon, he gets lots of positive attention afterwards.

You can't generalise OP, and your scolding tone won't go down well or achieve anything.

[missymoomoomee]

Wow paranoid thanks for the parenting lesson, you obviously know my kids better than I do. I will ignore a tantrum and when its over I cuddle and kiss and pay lots of attention to my children and listen to them, therefore teaching them tantruming gets you nowhere but if you come and speak to me properly then I will listen. And funnily enough its working.

Newsflash 3 - Not all children are the same, they will all react differently to any given situation.

Newsflash 4 - I don't think any other parent actually gives two hoots about your view of their parenting, I know I don't

Newsflash 5 - You are going to end up with some very spoiled kids if you pander to every tantrum imo. Good luck with that.

[piprabbit]

Ummm - I really hate to state the bleeding obvious but the technique involves ignoring the bad behaviour (so long as it is safe to do so) not ignoring the child.
The child gets rewarded with lots and lots of positive attention for behaving well.

[TerraNotSoFirma]

Ignoring a tantrum is completely different to ignoring a crying child.
Mine are comforted (if they want) when crying, but if throwing a tantrum because I've told DD "no, you can't draw on my curtains with your felt tips"
Then she will be ignored until she calms down.

I don't feel my behaviour is fucking ignorant nor old school.

[ScarletLady02]

I really hope this is not off the back of my post. You seemed to think that when I used the word ignore that I just act like she doesn't exist if she gets upset...which is not the case at all. I apologise if you misunderstood me. If you weren't referring to that post, then I apologise. I know you're not supposed to bring up other threads, so I understand if this is deleted.

[OhChristFENTON]

OP could you please point us in the direction of "all these mumsnet threads" that have irritated you so?

Because I really don't see it.

I see mothers in RL sometimes ignoring a tantrum in a shop sometimes, they will apologise to other customers and say 'please do just step over her/him' and I'll nod knowingly and sure enough they soon stop. - this is effective, - ignoring attention seeking tantrums.

I see other mothers in RL ignoring their child running a muck in soft play and terrorising others, - this irritates me and shouldn't be ignored or go unpunished.

I don't see anywhere on here that MNetters support the latter kind of ignoring, ever.

So where are you seeing it?

[BaronessBomburst]

You're quite young, aren't you OP? In my day we got belted for bad behaviour. Ignoring a child is new fangled hippy shit in my book.