Making children do activities when they clearly do not want to.

[mrsscoob]

I have seen a few examples of this over the years, kids at clubs who clearly do not want to be there, are too young/tired or whatever but the one that really made me think happened today at my ds's swimming club. It was the first day today for the new groups and there were some new children starting the pre school class so about 3/4 years old.

Waiting for the lesson to start one little girl was hysterical and clinging to her mum, screaming over and over "please mummy, i don't want to" So when the swimming teacher called her name her mum put her down and tried to make her go and she started thrashing around then slipped on the wet floor and fell down quite hard but the swimming teacher just took her and told her mum to go.

This little girl spent the whole 30 minutes crying and shivering in the pool, she had stopped screaming but was just doing silent sobs, I felt so sorry for her.

AIBU to think if she was my child I would have just took her home, she's only little and I was thinking that rather than her learning to swim this could just make her more afraid of the water or would you go with the just chuck em in and they'll get used to it approach. Maybe I'm over sensitive

My DS kept dancing in front of the stage during DDs dance rehearsals for a show. He wanted to do dance lessons himself, so I signed him up. He was hard to get to go every week. He was in the show and loved it and now asks nearly every day is it is dance day today. Sometimes it has to be done.

A friend forced her two sons to take swimming lessons. One hated it, but her reasoniing was "We live next to the canal, you need to be able to swim. Once you can swim and get your self out of trouble you can stop".

I would be flexible about most activities, but swimming is an important skill. My dd2 was scared when she started but we were lucky - the pre-school she went to at 3 used to take them swimming twice a week and all the fuss she made when I took her wasn't there for the school swimming teacher! Within 2 weeks she was swimming underwater and now at 6 can do all 4 strokes. That's something she will have for life so it is worth pushing imo. It's worth looking around for the right environment/teacher as there's a massive difference.

Oh....and I also have a deal with my older 2 that if they say they want to do something, they know that if I pay money, they are doing it for the duration!

I don't know, I guess I'm very lucky or very mean. DDs get taken to things and seem to pick up the idea that they are just expected to get on with it.

I took both of them swimming from being very tiny, so lessons weren't a great shock. DD2 was an absolute beggar at ignoring her teacher, but totally happy to go.

In fact I've never seen a chid who didn't want to do their swimming lessons and I've spent many hours watching pool side.

Perhaps around here DCs all swim from very small. Swimming pools are the one thing we have several of.

The one total fail was getting DD2 to learn the piano, she simply hates it. She's a stubborn little madam and she didn't like the pieces she's given to play. Nothing was ever going to get her to practice.

I've seen a lot of this lately ('tis the time of year for new starters). Children being literally carried into classes whilst sobbing about not wanting to go.

One of the children's classes has policy not leaving upset/crying children in the class and the parents are asked to collect them after a period of time. It can be fairly disruptive I suppose, and take up the other children's class time.

Yanbu

Swimming is different...it's an essential safety skill.

however I do think those parent with unhappy little swimmers need to go out of their way to swim weekly with their child outside of class to help them get used to it and ease them in outside of a class environment.

he other circumstance where I can see pushing a class/activity is for older kids who've committed to an activity and you now want them to follow through...I could especially see this if the parent has already paid - I'm thinking..." Pleeeeease I want piano lessons" - then 2 lessons in whining they want to drop it.

My parents only let me change up activities at the end of an activities session - that seemed fair.

I had this with DS. He started babyswimming at ~5mo and was fine for a few months, then had a bad experience and became more and more wary. We persevered for a while but cut back on what he would do in the lesson to reduce the stress - but it got to a point where as soon as I set foot in the water he would start to wail. So we stopped. Then we moved to Australia where we have our own pool (one of the reasons for getting him used to water early) and slowly let him go in the water and do his own thing until he got used to it again - he started to get better but then had another couple of incidents. Last September I enrolled him in swimming classes (at age 3.9) because it was very clear we weren't going to be able to deal with his fears ourselves, and a bit of peer example might help him. A few times last year he wailed and didn't want to go, and got distressed in the lesson but mostly he was fine. Lessons stopped in April.

He is now 4.9 and was desperate to start his swimming lessons again at the beginning of September - and he has come on in leaps and bounds, far better than I could ever have hoped for - sticking his head underwater voluntarily (he has goggles), jumping in the pool without holding the teacher's hand or being caught by her, I am just so so impressed by how well he has come on in just 3 weeks.

So - perseverance up to a point = success in his case (but might not in another child).

He also does football and dance classes and we have had days of whinging and wailing that he doesn't want to go - I've taken him anyway (all pre-paid) and sometimes had to peel him off me/ hold his hand for the first bit of the lesson but by the end of EVERY session that involved weeping and wailing he's been fine and had a great time. So I know that he will just get on with it and that taking him away again would be counter-productive. IF, otoh, he was still clinging and wailing at the end of the lesson, and all the way home, I might have reconsidered both activities.

Yabu. I have just started dd at a new swimming class. She can swim already but. These were her first lessons where I'm not in the pool with her. 1st lesson she was ok, 2nd lesson she did sob her heart out and it utterly killed me and I've done a reward scheme with her for the remaining 4 lessons. 3rd lesson - angel child! 39 minutes of solidly listening to the teacher and working v hard - I was bursting with pride! 4th lesson we shall see!

Otoh I do agree that they are little and nothing much should be enforced but I decided that of I let her quit straight away I would be confirming her anxiety and maybe that would be more damaging in the long run. Ad I said there are 6 lessons do I will assess the whole thing at the end and make decision about the next term. If I think she's just hating every second I will look at alternatives of course!

But yanbu about the shivering -dd wears a wetsuit and will do until she's bigger - that's my responsibility - to keep her warm and comfortable if I expect her to enjoy swimming