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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send dd to preschool if I don't need the child care

43 replies

mollysmum82 · 25/09/2012 21:33

Dd is 3 and September born, so wouldn't be starting school for another 2 years. We weren't anticipating sending her to preschool till the year before she starts school but a place has just come up in a seemingly lovely preschool attached to the school we want to send her to.

The school is oversubscribed but being at the attached nursery gives you a much better chance in the admissions criteria. Dd has been with me 24-7 since she was born and hasn't had any other child care so this would be a really big thing. We're having a lovely time at home, seeing friends and doing preschool classes like gymnastics. So part of me feels no need to change the status quo. But the other part of me thinks it may be good for her independence to be without me for 2.5 hours a day and I do worry that all her peers have experienced some kind of nursery when she hasn't. I've got a 3 month old ds who gets a tenth of the time with me dd does, as she's the more demanding one, so her being at preschool might benefit him too.

She just seems so little still though and she's quite clingy with me so it would be really tough at first.

When did your dcs go to preschool? Did you feel they benefited from it? Aibu in considering it?

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 25/09/2012 22:31

these days*

cinnamongreyhound · 25/09/2012 22:39

Insisting on 5 days is for funding, when she goes you will have to fill in a form saying how many sessions she attends they then send that off to the council. It's harder to fill spaces around less then 5 sessions so some places insist on it but they won't do anything about non attendance. I'm treasurer of a local preschool so I have some knowledge of how it works. Ds1 went to a school nursery after school and insisted on 5 sessions either mornings or afternoons but there were no repercussions if he missed some.

I totally know how you feel about losing them to school but they do enjoy it and it is only a few hours a few times a week :). I'm still finding it hard letting go of ds1 and he started year 1 this year.

cinnamongreyhound · 25/09/2012 22:43

Just read back and they do have to monitor attendance but I'm a childminder and I have to monitor attendance and keep a register but its for fire safety and knowing how many children you have that day/where they all are and not to tell parents off :)

crackcrackcrak · 25/09/2012 23:01

Dd will stay at nursery unt school because the pre school here has no lunch facilities so is for SAHM only unless you work in the same road or something.
Never mind - amounts to the same thing.
It's every parents own choice but I do notice how adventurous the kids I know who go to nursery are compared with the ones who don't.

VforViennetta · 25/09/2012 23:24

My 2 older ones (Sept and Oct born) both went to the nursery attached to the school they now attend, the term after they turned 3. They both skipped in happy as larry, with nary a backwards glance and really enjoyed it.

They got a lot of stimulation, were introduced to a school environment and made friends. I have to admit my dd's attendance was no where near 100% though, I realised that it would be our last bit of freedom before being locked into term time forever. We took quite a lot of days off and were quite rightly (gently)berated for it . Ds1 went every day because we were taking dd to school anyway, he met the love of his life there, whom he is positive he will marry.

Ds2 though is a bit of a different kettle, he is currently 2.11 and very very clingy, will see how he goes, but I'm anticipating much clinging to legs.

I would give it a go, it's only 2.5 hours, you would still have a lot of time together and they do have a lot of fun.

If you don't make a big deal of it, She may actually surprise you and go off happily, if not, so be it, you can try again next year.

jellybeans · 25/09/2012 23:34

I don't think they all benefit till over 3 or 3.5. Every child is different. My older 4 started at 2yr 9m but youngest was over 3 and just went for two mornings till the year before school even though he could have had 15hrs when turned 3. Go with your gut.

Startailoforangeandgold · 25/09/2012 23:44

Put your foot down firmly. You do not have to do everyday.

My pre-school muttered, but as a SAHM I liked going to toddlers one morning a week and DD2 loved her whole days at another private nursery (she'd done those since she was 18 months old. I have no babysitting and with her big sister at school, a child free day saved my sanity. A mother free day with lots of children saved hers).

recall · 25/09/2012 23:51

I have 3 children, and have placed all of them into our local pre school as soon as they turn 2. Nothing to do with childcare, because I am there all week ( work weekends ) I did it as a sort of educational thing. They have all thrived there, and it has been a positive experience for them. I felt very upset last week leaving my youngest for the first time, but she is already settling. She is mixing, and learning a little structure. She sings on the way home in the car and then crashes for a nice afternoon nap. She is doing two mornings, and a whole day. You can stay with her initially if you feel sad, and just watch her get absorbed in it.

Goldmandra · 26/09/2012 08:28

It will only be the settings own rules that state she has to attend every day and a pretty silly one it is too! I have to wonder if they are even allowed to say that THB because if you can't vring her every day you're being prevented from accessing their service.

If you don't feel that it would be appropriate challenge them about it and see what response you get.

If they express the view that if you don't like it you can go elsewhere because they are over-subscibed I would not send my child there anyway.

THETrills · 26/09/2012 08:30

YANBU

Preschool is not just about childcare, and need is relative.

You may be able to do without her going to nursery, but it sounds as if you and she and your DS could all potentially benefit from it.

Original poster

mollysmum82 · 26/09/2012 22:43

Thanks so much everyone, I feel so much better. I'm booked in for a meeting with them tomorrow, very scared but excited! I'll ask them about the attendance thing then, if they're quite inflexible maybe it would be better to consider a community hall preschool. Can you think of any other really important questions to ask?

OP posts:

LapsusLinguae · 26/09/2012 22:48

OP - it this is a state school then it is illegal for pre-school attendance to have anything to do with admissions.

Look at your local LEA website and the school's website.

Once you are satisfied that this the case you could look at other pre schools which don't require you to go everyday.

Original poster

mollysmum82 · 26/09/2012 22:54

Lapsus, it is a state school and is definitely part of the admissions (criteria 4 under looked after children, catchment and siblings) maybe its not policy in your lea?

OP posts:

NotAnOstrich · 26/09/2012 23:18

Hi OP, my DS is September born and was quite clingy. He went to preschool 2 mornings a week from the October (age 3.1), once he got to know the staff he LOVED it. If you like the staff and the way the children seem to be playing when you visit, I would go for it. I was at home with baby DD - I think we all benefitted.

Out of interest, would your DD go there for 2 years before Reception at age 5? My DS is now 4 and has just started at the Nursery class attached to our Primary School. They have to do 5 mornings or afternoons - wondering if this is like your option? If so, could your DD join this school-based Pre-school next Sept, and do fewer sessions at a church hall-type preschool this year?

By the way, I was under the impression also that you can't link Reception admission to Nursery attendance - because schooling only becomes mandatory the term children turn 5, what happened before that has no bearing on where they go to Reception.

cinnamongreyhound · 27/09/2012 07:05

I was also told that the fact the my ds1 had a place in nursery at the school didnt have any bearing on whether he'd get a reception place. He did thankfully as its a great school and he knew all the children there so it was a smooth transition.

I thought looked after children meant those in care, fostered etc?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 27/09/2012 07:55

Good luck to you and your dd today OP.

I would just ask what benefits there are to pre school as that's what you still seem to be unsure about. I'm sure they will be able to fill you in in everything they think you will need to know, as they will be used to welcoming new parents who are new to the whole thing.

They will explain the basics of the EYFS to you so you know what your dd will be learning, it's the kind of national curriculum for pre school age children. But it's all very play based and its not formal learning. Your dd won't even realise that she is learning!

Goldmandra · 27/09/2012 08:10

Yes, looked after children means children in care.

You need to make sure that the children are allowed to play freely with really flexible resources. The staff should be joining in their play and asking questions rather than telling them what to do. There should be no time when they are required to sit at tables to do worksheets and very little time sitting together as a group listening unless they are allowed to choose not to participate.

Mrsjay · 27/09/2012 08:27

Good luck for today and I'm sure your dd will enjoy nursery if you decide to send her

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