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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that pre-school should not be giving ds (3)...

68 replies

lecce · 24/09/2012 20:22

a fucking stick of rock .

I have been flamed on here before about not wanting sweets given out at school so I am interested to see whether people think this is a step too far.

It was only his second session today and he came out with a stick of rock - the ones that are about the size of a biro. Surely they might as well just knock his teeth out for him?

I am prepared to admit the odd Freddo here and there is not the end of the world but this is not something I would ever give to such a young child. We were not told whether it was given by a teacher as a reward or whether a child brought it in - it was just in his bag. Tbh, if a teacher has given it to him I wonder about her judgement.

Oh, and dh (sahd) broke off a small bit for him and when I got home I put the rest in the bin. Dh plans to buy him a small chocolate bar as a replacement tomorrow if he asks for it.

AWBU?

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 24/09/2012 22:01

We don't eat many sweets so it is just the norm-then you can relax on something coming home-it really is no big deal.

Mrsjay · 24/09/2012 22:04

Ok maybe it was from somebodies holidays and the teacher put it in his bag maybe you should ask where it came from a Bit ott for dh to give him a sliver then bin it what was that all about, children never finish rock it ends up int he bin anyway, Just relax a bit and you can manage his sweet intake fine without having a breakdown . You are going to get things in his bag for a few years yet so it is up to you whether you give the sweets or not

itsatrap · 24/09/2012 22:08

Im not too fussy about sweets cakes etc but my dd is 3 and i don't let her have hard sweets. each parent makes different choices and its your choice to not allow sweets. I don't see it as a big deal either way,sweets, no sweets, up to you. i certainly don't think your decision warrants the "get a grip" line.

TidyGOLDDancer · 24/09/2012 22:12

I thought this was a joke.

Honestly, it won't kill him or his teeth to have this kind of thing once in a while. I think, therefore, YABU.

Mrsjay · 24/09/2012 22:14

OP i had a thing about lollypops with my DDs at that age so TBH yanbu to not want him having certain sweets but don't give him a taste then bin you could have put it away for 'later' then bin it or swapped it for a freddo making a huge deal of things makes forbidden very tempting,

RaisinDEtre · 24/09/2012 22:18

YANBU

Rock is a hard sweet, and imo a choke hazard the same as a boiled sweet or those dreadful lollipops

I have no issue with sweeties in general but the thought of choking gives me the heebie geebies

WhispersOfWickedness · 24/09/2012 22:25

YABU for having 5 month old chocolate in your fridge, I would have scoffed that months ago
Seriously though, I wouldn't be happy with a pre-schooler eating hard sweets either. That's despite my parents being a bit fanatical about not allowing sweets/chocolates/cake etc. I have been making up for it ever since I am a bit more relaxed with dc, but still wouldn't offer them sweets, that is different to them asking for them, iyswim?

PrincessScrumpy · 24/09/2012 22:37

If dd was given this she'd probably have a couple of licks, get bored of it and hand it back to me. I hate lollies and things like this as the sugar is by their teeth for soooo long. At 3 I probably would have put it away and not given it to dd though. People on here seem to take the attitude that it's a child's right to have sweets. I believe everything in moderation and banning sweets completely leads (ime) to kids who sneak sweets to their bedrooms and eat in the night(not at 3!) which is far worse for teeth. I make these things a dessert alternative so saliva is doing it's job. But I do think that at a young age when we can control our dc's intake, we don't need to fill them with crap. IMO dc love fruit but I have been flamed for being anti lots of sweets and hating McDonalds type foods.

I did accept that dd's nursery gave them lots of cake and biscuits, now at school dd isn't allowed sweets but some children take chocolate biscuits (like kitkats) but as dd hasn't asked for one I haven't gone down that route. She got very excited by yoghurt fruit flakes (which she sees as sweets - and do have sugar in them so not really healthy), and blueberries.

exoticfruits · 24/09/2012 22:47

Of course it isn't their right to have sweets. It is what you eat most of the time as a family that counts - they copy. I never have more than one chocolate per day. My 3 are now adults- they eat very few sweets - and they didn't eat many as children. However I didn't make them very desirable by making a huge fuss. The rock was in the child's bag. Did he even know it was there? If not you could bung it in a cupboard and donate it to the Christmas fete. If he did know you could just 'put it away for later' and most likely he would forget - if he didn't break it up and give him a small part to eat before teeth cleaning. I can't see much point in getting annoyed with pre school or making mummy's reaction such that it makes a stick of rock memorable and highly desirable or getting so upset that you have to write about it. He is quite likely to get sweets quite often for birthdays- you have many years ahead - relax.

CaliforniaLeaving · 25/09/2012 02:33

OP YANBU at all. I asked Ds's teacher if she could think of something other than sweets to give out at the end of every school day, I even bought her stickers, and she did switch to stickers, and they were a great hit, she continued to do it for many years.
If Dd's teacher started handing out sweets I'd be really annoyed if we couldn't come to an agreement to hand out something else, she is already pushing her weight even though she has a very healthy diet and plenty of exercise, and I would rather she have an apple that would fill her up than a rock that would have more calories and fill her up less.
There are no sweets or biscuits in the house, we are trying to keep things from getting out of hand without her noticing any restrictions as it is.
Sweets are treats not for daily or even weekly, usually she complains they are too sweet now that she's losing her sweet tooth.

KnickersNotPanties · 25/09/2012 02:54

1 stick of rock? YADBU.

If it were a party bag heaving with cheap sweets and plastic tat then YWNBBU...

Your choice to replace the rock with chocolate is misguided IMO. Truly there isn't that much in it from a nutritional point of view. If you were talking a kg of rock then you'd have something to worry about.

AngryBeaver · 25/09/2012 04:26

I think YANBU, I don't give sweets either. Mine are fine with it. They don't accept lollipops from the lady in the veggie shop when she offers either,they're not bovvered. I do a lot of home baking so I promise them something like that instead.
Oh and when dd started school I brought in a bag of treats for the teacher to give her when she was giving sweets out to other kids. She was fine with that and said her kids weren't allowed sweets either.

TantrumsAndGoldAndOrange · 25/09/2012 05:35

My dd used to have jam sandwiches at nursery.
The "point" was they made them by themselves, and jam is easy for a 3 year old to spread! She is 14 and has lovely teeth, no fillings or extractions :)

The thing is, at school, things like this will happen. There will be birthdays, school parties etc. in day to day life your DCs will encounter sweets.
IMHO if you make a big drama over it, it makes it into a big deal.
If you dont want them to have an occasional sweet, then don't give it to them. The majority of schools put the treats into the bags so parents can decide whether to give it or not. So if this is such a major issue, don't give them the sweets.

I personally think that as an occasional treat, then sweets, cake etc is ok. I don't ban sweets from my house. I even buy sweets for DCs sometimes but tbh I don't really want to ban any type of food from home because it makes it into something fascinating but I know that everyone has different opinions on this so if you don't want them to eat sweets, don't give the sweets from the bag.

Mind you, I have 2 teenagers who eat everything in sight and then complain they are hungry so maybe I should have banned sugar from their diet in pre school :)

Alligatorpie · 25/09/2012 06:21

I would be pissed too. A three year old does not need rock. I wouldn't have given any to my child.

My dd had treats at 3, but no lolipop's, boiled sweets or things like that. she would have a biscuit or small piece of chocolate - hard candies are a choking hazard.

But I was very annoyed that my dd's (6) language teacher gives gum or candy every day at school. I don't know why people have to give kids junk all the time.

And she finished her Christmas chocolate in august, (her choice, i would have eaten it long ago) so she is not the kind of kid to eat junk all the time.

MrsMymble · 25/09/2012 07:23

YANBU. I don't like hard sweets/lollipops etc at that age and I definitely wouldn't be happy about rock. Normally if DS1 gets anything like that I don't make a big deal, I tell him he can have it later, put it away and he usually forgets about it. I do get vv pissed off with all this lunchbox policy crap, being not allowed to send in cake etc etc only to then see DS walking out of nursery with a bag of Haribo - which incidentally I have no major objection to, I just don't like the double standards

exoticfruits · 25/09/2012 07:26

If she only finished her Christmas chocolate in August, by her own choice, you don't have the slightest thing to worry about and you don't have to police it -(unless she got a truck load!)
You are much better to bring up your DCs with self discipline - it is far more likely to work than heavy control which is doomed to failure. It wouldn't take me long to work out that if I got sweets at school I needed to eat them quickly before I found my mother at the end of the day!

exoticfruits · 25/09/2012 07:28

It isn't a double standard. Lunch is part of the school day. Sweets are given by a DC's parent to celebrate their birthday.

lljkk · 25/09/2012 07:43

YAB PFB.

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