AIBU or selfish?

[Boo86]

Please be gentle with me as im feeling a bit sorry for myself.

I am 7 weeks pregnant and suffered a MMC last year at exactly this point. Hence feeling maybe a bit more sorry for myself at this point than i should has i not lost my last baby. I also have a very lovable but extremely active 2 year old.

My DP's father passed away on Saturday, the hospital called at 6am on Saturday to call my partner to come see him before he passed and thankfully he got there in time to say goodbye. However he is now saying he might not come back home for 2 weeks (dp's dad lived 100 miles away). It could be sooner btu he will give me no indication.

Ive got the morning sickness from hell, have no friends to help out, i do have my mum but she works 2 jobs from 8am till gone 8pm most days and although she is being fantastic i feel awful for her to have to come round and help as she suffers from vertigo and tinitus (meniers syndrome) which gets worse if she gets tired.

My dp dosent even seem to be considering me, i found out on facebook that his dad had died, he didnt tell me for over 12 hours after, and i was quite close with DP dad so i found this very upsetting. He dosent want our son to come to the funeral and i cannot arrange any childcare as i dotn know anyone where dp's dad lived and i cant leave him with anyone here for more than a day. I dont drive so i coudlnt go there and back in a day. I would really like to say goodbye to him as he was a lovely man.

DP went out drinking with his brothers last night (again not judging this) but i asked him to let me know he was ok as he never drinks and his brothers are very heavy drinkers) and didnt get a response till gone 10 this morning. He hasnt told anyone in his family abotu this pregnancy due to us losing our last child so as far as they are concerned i should be able to cope with just one toddler, which i could normally, but i am feeling so terrified about losing this one and morning sickness, dizzy spells and severe lack of sleep on top is all increasing this worry.

Aibu to feel a bit put out and that he should be considering me as well? I wont say anything to him as obvously i realise he is going through a hell of a time too but... hmmmph... i dunno!

Sorry but I I think you ABU, it's horrible timing and I know you must be frightened about being pregnant again but his dad has just died, he needs to be there to make arrangements and spend time to grieve with his family and offer them
Support aswell as receive it

I didn't mean that in anyway horrible just a really difficult situation

The thing is yes you lost a child, but him being there with you right now isn't going to change a thing. Yes toddlers are hard but sometimes you just have to get on with it, no matter how crap your feeling.
Your dh has lost his father and is supporting his family though this time, dealing with his grief and needs your support.
This isn't about you, it's not even about your mmc last year, it's about him, here and now and you need to deal with that fact.

Hi op, i can completely understand whereu r coming from.

my dh's father passed away earlier this year. Prior to his death he had moved ib with us and dh was his sole carer (dh is only child. At the time ds was avout 5 months old. I found the whole thing very difficult and often felt that my husband rarely.considered mine or ds's needs during this period. Pls dont feel bad abou how ur feeling you r grieving to both for ur partner's father and ur lost baby plus ur emotions r likely to be heightened now due to pregnsncy.

So i imho u r not being ur to feel.this way and vent on mn rather than at dp

YANBU to feel the way you feel, but Ywbvu to tell your dp any of this or to try and change his plan.

Just ones of those ones that you'll have to sit and wallow i'm afraid OP.

So sorry for your losses.

Think yabu but in understandable way-it is even worse for dp when it's his last parent too. .. he prob needs the 2 wks .. as someone said get out as much as possible , support dp and look fwd rather than concentrating on how your feeling now. I'd make every effort to get to funeral. .. I'd also consider learning to drive before baby arrives

Yab a little u. It's not about you right now, and you'll just have to accept that, shitty timing and all.
Unfortunately, being parent is about getting on with it no matter what - and on this occasion that's what you'll have to do. x