To check your child's phone?

[sadie3]

Is it wrong or good parenting?

It all depends on the age of your child, surely? That and how you have configured the phone too.

I think it is very sensible to check phones but I think it equally sensible to restrict or check the applications that can be downloaded to a phone.

So yes, I'd check the phone of a 10 year old. I'd expect a 17 year old to tell me to mind my own business.

Good parenting. Would depend on the age but with phones being so 'smart' now they can do so much on them. I would check computer history too.

Well, YWBU to check MY child's phone.

I think it's something that IS an invasion of privacy, and not 'right' in many ways but its a necessary evil...

I would only check weekly though, rather than all the time.

My mum would never been able to help get my brother off drugs if she hadn't read his diary, because she genuinely didn't know (she knew he was withdrawn and grumpy, but had no idea of the extent of his addiction) - he was 18 at the time as well. She said it made her feel grubby to route around in his stuff, but she's glad she did it.

So yeh, probably good parenting... but I think its something you should never feel entirely comfortable doing.

My DS has an i phone (I was given it by work) - he is 10 and I check his history on it daily. He has a passcode for it and I have told him the day he wont tell me what it is is the day I take the phone away from him....same if I see stuff on there not age appropriate for him.

It may well be seen as an invasion of his privacy but frankly I dont care. I will relax a bit when he is older but that is a long way off.

My DC's phones allow phonecalls and text messages and no I don't check them. (feels guilty now) If they had internet on them it mght be different, but then I don't actually check their fb accounts all the time either, (feels even more guilty). Having just seen the story of the 15 year old on the run with a teacher I do think it might be advisable, certainly for younger children. Not sure why young children need iphones though.

This is why I asked the question. My friends 15 year old nerdy, super sensible DD has been sending naked pictures of herself and conversing with strangers on the internet. She is the last person on earth that I would ever imagine doing something like this, luckily my friend caught her before she met up with the weirdo. Do you have all your child?s passwords for FB,twitter etc ?

Are you being unreasonable to check my childs phone? Yes. You can check your own kids phones as much as you like though.

Mistake in the title.... should read do you check your child's phone?

sadie3, yes i have my childrens passwords, but that's not foolproof either as many of the have more than one account (as do I), you can only do the best you can, teach them to be safe and trust your own children to an extent.

I agonise over this. I admit to checking 13yo DDs once or twice and I feel awful but I am doing it not to nosey but to ensure she isnt engaging in stuff she shouldnt.

I am sure some will say its wrong. Maybe they are right. It certainly feels wrong.

My oldest is 7 so may eat my words but I intend not to allow them use or access to things they are unable to manage themselves.

Definitely would not be likely to let a 10 yo have an iPhone and to some extent I think checking is a little pointless since if you find something it has already happened, it isn't a replacement for a good relationship with a child who will learn to accommodate the checking, it may ruin a good relationship with a child and you probably will drive yourself mad whether you find stuff or not. You have to raise your children to be capable of independence.

Phones should come with age ratings, like films. The younger the child; the more basic the phone eg. only makes calls to specific numbers.

My eldest is 15. I check his phone every now and than (less so now than I used to). I also have his facebook pass word and check that occasionally.
I do take net safety quite seriously. I think you do need to know who has access to your children.

As for the phone, when he pays the bill he can have all the privacy he wants.

I have never read his diary though. That is his private space.

Offred - I never would have bought my 10 yo an iphone but work upgraded and gave me an old one.....for the first few months he used it as an ipod for the games and music and then when he went away with his friends family for a week I bought him a sim so he could contact me.

I always was against the idea of him having a phone so young but it has actually worked out really well and I do like the fact I can get in touch with him at the drop of a hat.

I know that my DS would never look at anything dodgy but we all think that don't we!!

I haven't done it yet but my 11yo is well aware that I reserve the right to check his phone whenever I choose to, that's the condition of him having the phone.
Never sure whether that would just make them delete stuff though??

I age net nanny on home PCs and laptops so am confident they are fine but don't know how to have similar controls on a Samsung galaxy. Any ideas? (apart from the net nanny browser which is dead easy to get past on a phone apparently)

I check DD's (aged 12) on a random basis, so she never gets into any habit of anticipating a check and thus deleting anything. So far, nothing to find, but she knows that the day I don't get instant access is the day she loses the phone.

I think it is a necessity, though I don't like having to do it.

I screen dd's emails, phone, facebook. I was glad i did, after reading her elaborate plans to have sex with a girl in her class at school.

It isn't anything to do with the buying it is the having! I don't think the fact work gave it to you changes anything. I wouldn't let my 10yo have an iPhone. Even if they were a trustworthy 10yo.

Would you not let your DC have an ipod then?? Sorry, really cant see the harm if they are trustworthy kids. I check the phone, not because I dont trust DS but because I just like to be aware of what he does on it.

Not if it had Internet! Even if they were trustworthy at 10 I would not be comfortable with my child having an iPhone and therefore being potentially exposed to all sorts by others even if they were trustworthy.

I ought to, but I generally don't.
I do get to see Emails and neither has FB. Older one doesn't want it and DD2 is too young.

Older DD I trust and younger one would simply hide things, both know that all wi fi traffic go through DHs study computer (I'm not sure how much he could spy, but he's a total geek so it would be unwise of them to assume anything not sent 3G is private).

Both have 3G phones and lap tops in their rooms, so they could get up to mischief, I know both have been on face book at friends houses.

I really don't think you can ever know exactly what they get up to.

Fortunately we live in the middle of no where and without a lift its very hard for them to get into RL trouble.

IMO checking your child's phone and internet use is not comparable to reading their diary.
You have not a clue who they are texting/talking to, what they're talking about and what they might be sending.

I think there is a new line that has to be drawn today between a right to privacy and responsible parenting.

I don't see why if they are not capable of managing a phone you would give them one, to be fair it isn't "letting" them have one, it is giving them one.

And I think this: www.thinkuknow.co.uk/ and this:ceop.police.uk/ should be required reading for every parent.

And for heaven's sake, keep the computers downstairs!