DH keeps calling me 'Mom'

[AugustMoon]

I said please can you not call me that, I'm 'mum' not 'mom'. He point blank refuses, says I'm trying to change him and his accent. He's South African. Big argument. I'm not trying to change him, I'm just not 'mom' and never will be.

The thing is that he is not calling Op the name that she want to be known as, in effect he has renamed her with out her permission.
Would you be defending her DH if he said to someone called Tim I'm not calling you Tim everyone in SA is called Tom I shall call you Tom.

I was about to post that I think you have a right to be called by the name of your choice, but then I thought that I would find it very difficult to use the word 'mom', when I am so used to saying 'mum'. One of them feels right to me and the other word feels wrong, so I am sitting on the fence with this one.

Sorry, that's not at all helpful, except in the sense that both of you could do with thinking about it from the other person's perspective.

If pushed to get my arse off the fence I would say that yanbu.

In that case I would find it merely irratating but not worth my stress.

Call him Pater just to even it up.

Madge, I don't think I can explain it in text. It is definitely different though.

Ephiny I'm not listed as just 'mummy' I'm listed as 'mummy -affectionate family name we all call each other- like 'mummy bear, daddy bear, baby bear etc. but not 'bear' itswim

I said it is pretentious around here, not other areas where Mum is the way everyone says it. It is an accent thing, I don't think I have ever heard anyone with a strong Birmingham verging on Black Country accent say mum without sounding as if they were trying to be posh (and if you've ever heard a Brummie trying to be posh you'll know how daft it sounds). It's really not a big deal and Mum, Mom, Mam whatever we all know they mean exactly the same thing.

My ILs wanted to be called mama and papa by my dc. I said no, on the grounds that it was like mummy and daddy to me. Should I have allowed them to be called by whatever they chose, if we think it is a persons prerogative to choose the name they are known by?

Karma - you see I think not, as grandparents they can't surely have wanted to be called 'mama and papa' - that would be weird. So I agree with you. But if they said they wanted to be called granny for example, as opposed to grandma. Then, yes, you should call them that. There would be no grounds not to. As here, there are no grounds not to call me 'mum'. I think he's just being difficult.

Oh ok anotherusefulname. I thought you meant 'mum' sounds pretentious generally so you understand him not calling me that.

My DH calls his mum Mam but says when we get past the Mama stage, he'll be calling referring to me as Mum (where necessary, not all the time!) because he thinks it suits me. He's more than capable of using a word that's not the one he grew up using!

DD, on the other hand, insists on MimmyMummyMommy, the cuteness of which makes my head explode every time she says it

I don't agree that it is a storm in a teacup. The OP is not a mom. She is a mum. It bothers her so clearly it means something.

papa is very, very common for grandfather. If I hear some child shouting papa I assume its the grandfather.

I know exactly what you mean and I don't think you are being unreasonable. I live in NL and a lot of people are either from North America or speak American English and tell my DS things about his "mom" or talk to me about "being a mom". It drives me up the wall because I am neither American nor in the US (and most of the people who say it are not American either). I think they should either use the Dutch word or the Australian word, say "being a mother" FFS or better still refer to me by my given name!

Is it really just pronunciation and not a totally different name for the same thing? It's definitely a storm in a teacup though, I agree with that much. not sure why it's wound me up so much. I think it was the context in which it was used on this particular occasion.

also agree that through motherhood your name changes. When mine were little it was mummy from one and mama from the other. Now I'm mum and even sometime mother. it's really no biggie as long as it's not chubbyarse.

Ah, I dunno, chubbyarse is quite a nice name

I guess it is technically a different word, but still doesn't seem like a big deal to me, as it's just a different (and non-offensive) slang term for the same thing.

I suspect (based on your latest post) that you're more annoyed really about his comment 'you are a [mother], stop complaining'. That would have wound me up more than mom vs mum!

It would drive me insane if DP called me 'Mum', let alone 'Mom', which would put me on some kind of life tilt I think.

Thanks duchess for understanding my pov even if it is slightly psychotic

We say mum. My step family, from a different area say mam. My Canadian family say mom. I would use my pronunciation even if talking to cousins, nieces etc because that's how I speak! I certainly wouldn't change my pronunciation any more than I would any other word, and I'd think someone most odd if they wanted me to.

TBH it seems that he has a dismissive attitude towards you,
'you are a mom, stop complaining'