to have sent dd aged 9 to school in her new coat that she's now decided she doesn't like ??

[Fairylea]

Hmm. Sitting here feeling bad.

We don't have much money at the moment and dd year 5 badly needed a new winter coat. The coat she was wearing was red thin quilted thing from matalan. It fits fine but it's not warm and has no hood. We walk to school.

We both found one she liked on eBay. It was next, new and not worn. It is black and like a duffle coat. Very smart. She liked it so I brought it for her for 15. Bargain.

Today she's decided she doesn't like it. It's too long apparently. No one else wears on like that etc. We had a bit of a row and she agreed to wear it. When we got round to the school I dropped her off and she had taken it off !! :( I told her it's cold today and she needs to wear it. So coat goes back on but very grumpy dd.

I don't know what to do. I looked at what the others arrive in and it's a big variety. Some the same as dd. Even her friends have different ones. She has lots of friends and isn't being bullied.

I could sell the coat on eBay but part of me thinks I won't get anything else as warm and also it's black smart and there's nothing wrong with it!!! I'm not asking her tp wear pink! ... ! Also she helped choose it!!

What would you all do? I feel mean :(

I would always go for something waterproof, but yes, if she chose the coat and agreed to it, you can't keep exchanging coats and providing new ones.

I bought my DD a beautiful red coat, I was sure that she would love it but she took one look and said she didn't like it! I was gutted. Then the next day her friend came round and said "wow that's a beautiful coat" so she then decided she liked it and has worn it ever since. Everyone comments on what a lovely coat it is and I'm hoping it will fit her this winter too as I have not seen anything similar.

It doesn't sound like there is anything wrong with the coat, but it isn't practical IMVHO. It will soak up the rain and will end up stinking of damp.

I would resell it on eBay and buy something waterproof if it were me.

OP your dd has chosen the coat herself. She was happy with it. She can't just suddenly decides that she is changing her mind. Would you do that yourself?

That's what I would call a 'natural consequence'. She did a mistake when choosing it, she has to still wear the coat even if it's actually not exactly what she would have liked. Children need to be in that sort of situation, even if it's uncomfortable for them at the time.
Unless of course it's an issue with 'I can change my mind whenever I want and I will get whatever I want whenever I want' attitude. In which case, you MUST stay strong and not give her an alternative (and I personally would not even get her another coat for Christmas if this is the case tbh)

Beginning to think maybe I should have brought a more waterproof one ..hmm. I thought I was doing the right thing trying to give her some options and letting her pick and she went for this particular one.

Sigh. Parenting is so hard sometimes.

Thank you for all the comments and stories of similar !!

I wouldn't take that as her never liking it. Mine wouldn't wear a new coat she begged me for. I think she felt kind of embarrassed going into school with a new coat in case somebody commented. I let her wear the old one for a bit and told her I wasn't buying another one. She's now asking to wear the new one we bought. They can be very undecided about things at this age.

If it's a black duffle she's not likely to get any adverse comments. Maybe give her a few days to get used to it.

I would agree about the practicality of it though. We really do need one that will machine wash and dry overnight because if comes back covered in mud sometimes. But your dd may be much cleaner than mine.

I still have nightmares about a coat my mum bought me when I was 9 . She bought it big, so I could get 2winters out of it. She bought my sister one too, so joy of joys, I grew out of mine and into hers. 4 bloody winters of discontent. My mum died when I was a child, and these coat battles are still one of my over riding memories of her.....

Well logically speaking of course she should wear it she chose it. I was tortured at school wearing horrible shoes. Startright great clumsy horrible things. They still haunt me to this day. If it really upsets her can't you sell it on and get another one. I don't usually agree with pandering to children but if a child gets it into their head something looks awful it's a big thing to them.

. . . had NO choice over . . .

I wouldn't worry about it being practical - I'm sure it is fine. We've always had wool duffle coats for our kids and they've been fine. If it's pouring with rain on the school run they use an umbrella. The coat is thick enough for it not to get wet underneath and then it dries off overnight.

Tough, thats life!
She's not going to be scarred for life if she wears the coat.

You make the rules, you're the boss!

I think it is worth not over-thinking this and worrying about your dd being picked on, OP. It sounds like a very nice coat, it's a coat she chose and, importantly, other children at her school wear similar coats. Children can be amazingly fickle about clothes and there comes a point when you just have to insist that carefully and jointly chosen clothes are worn. Especially at 9! Don't pander to her on this one.

We have wool coats ( and waterproof ones)

They often wear wool coats all year unless actually going out to play in rain as opposed to getting from a to b. wool is fine. Most are thick and get wet on outside but not inside. My own coat is v thick wool. Have walked through storms fine and by the time it's hung up if dry when I put on again.

I think it sounds like a nice, warm coat. I would keep and she will be fine.

I seriously can't believe you're even asking this- of course YANBU!!

I never chose my clothes as a kid, definitely not as a nine year old, and I still had to wear exactly what I was told to- you just get over it. She's nine. She has a suitable coat. Isn't that enough? You're the mum ffs.

After a few days she'll realise that no one is going to rip the piss out of her, and she'll be fine in it.

I think she might be worried because it is off ebay and she'll think that the other DC will know? She might have a preconception about ebay stuff?

YANBU - I have a 10 yr old who is same. He agreed to buying a coat we picked online. We had similar conversations to others who've posted , are you sure you like it etc etc each time he was sure he liked it etc etc. Then suddenly he doesn't want to wear it because he doesn't like it. I've made him wear it though and told him I can't afford to be buying coats willy nilly. Worse still i bought it a size bigger so he will have to wear it this winter too

At least it is just the coat you are having problems with, my 10 year old has a wardrobe full of brand new winter clothes that she hates.Despite the fact she choose them all.I am sick to death of this issue everytime she gets dressed and I have pledged to buy her nothing again and spend the money on myself !!!.In my day you just wore what was bought for you and if anyone laughed at the creation it was tough, she does not even have this excuse because no one has seen the clothes !!!.

mumofthemonster. Are you sure you let her make those decisions and don't push her towards the things you think she should have? Have done that myself! Im a mum of two dcs with very distinct, individual styles so i let them chose themselves where they can. I often get it wrong even when Im sure I've got it right otherwise.

I think its quite hard for such young children really. They see things they like but don't necessarily fit what is fashionable or what their mates are wearing so can be a bit torn. No one wants to be taken the piss out of.

I still do it myself. I buy things i love the fabric of and then realise that other people might thing i look crazy! Sometimes it takes guts to wear stuff out the first time. Im suppose my head is having a fight between what i like, what i think looks good on me, what is appropriate, and whether or not i should conform. If its difficult for me then it must be a thousand times worse for a child with peer pressure and bullying, mean kids to worry about.

Perhaps, mumofthemonster, you could go through it with her and keep the stuff which she she thinks is ok, could be improved with some sew-ons etc, and could be worn with other items, but the things she could never bring herself to wear sell on ebay? The problem is though that she'll probably change her mind! Hmm . . . maybe she could have a friend round for a try on session and second opinion?