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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

USA - okay?

47 replies

cheekypickle · 23/09/2012 19:55

DH has just fit back from a trip to Germany. He has said he would like to take our DS 15years to USA for a week. Leaving me and DD 13months at home.

I can understand they want a trip together and to be fair I'm not up for taking DD away at such a young age such a long way.

AIBU in not wanting them to go??

OP posts:

TalkinPeace2 · 23/09/2012 20:09

cheeky
Regret the things you HAVE done, not the things you have not.
You have nothing to fear but fear itself.

I did the San Francisco flight with DD on my lap when she was 15 months.
It was fine.
Jetlag going west is no great shakes.
And coming east, kids who nap readjust far quicker than we do.

Sirzy · 23/09/2012 20:16

Go and enjoy it. So what if her routine is a bit out of synch for a few days, she will enjoy being somewhere new you will be able to have a holiday and spend time as a family!

squeakytoy · 23/09/2012 20:19

I have been on trans-atlantic flights many times, and there have always been young babies on them, that travelled absolutely fine.. stop worrying and just go..

AndiMac · 23/09/2012 20:20

Either go or don't go, but don't begrudge them a holiday.

CaliforniaLeaving · 23/09/2012 20:25

Go with them, San Diego is so nice. Sea World, the Zoo and the Wild animal park, the beach. Lots to do with the baby if they want "guy time"
Bit of a long way for a week, I'd want to stay for two.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 23/09/2012 20:25

If that's all that's stopping you then GO! It will be fine :)

akaemmafrost · 23/09/2012 20:31

Go too! There is no way I would miss out on this if I were you.

SomeoneThatYouUsedToKnow · 23/09/2012 20:44

I think you should let them go. It is great for your DS and DH to spend time together. Of course, it would be great for you to have a similar Mum and Son holiday sometime too.

My DH and I do all sorts of combinations of family holidays. I love having a special weekend away with just one of the DC's and I have never minded when my DH takes one of the DCs somewhere.
Personally I would prefer not to go with a young DC but I would be very happy for them to go.

Lucie99 · 23/09/2012 20:47

Cheekypickle I took my DS to USA when he was 12 months and the flight was absolutely fine and he adapted to the new time zone brilliantly. It took a week or so on return to get back to normal but nothing outrageous or difficult to cope with. Don't let it put you off going on a fabulous holiday.

LittleBairn · 23/09/2012 22:43

cheekypickle now that isn't fair he wants a holiday fine butits unfair to say you can't have one too. I would then say no to his boys holiday with DS you can all have a family holiday somewhere more suitable.
Otherwise your giving your DS the impression that women stay at home with the babies doing all the boring stuff while men folk get all the fun without any of the responsibility of family.

Leena49 · 24/09/2012 05:38

So you are scared of taking your baby on a flight so no one else can go on holiday! A little selfish perhaps!

lljkk · 24/09/2012 07:46

Why San Diego, what is it they particularly want to do there? It's particularly awkward to get to. 15 probably too old for Sea World & Legoland, for instance.

I would kinda expect most teens to want to go camp at Abercrombie & Fitch in NYC. I'd pick NYC if I was just going for hol with my teen.

lljkk · 24/09/2012 07:47

ps: in my (ample) experience the jetlag with toddlers is HELL and it takes a week both ways to adjust. I wouldn't go for a mere week if I were OP; doubt I ever would have done such a thing prekids, either.

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 24/09/2012 07:51

So he gets to go for a jolly and you don't. Fuck that. If he gets a holiday, so do you. Tell him this has to be a give and take situation - he goes to San Diego for a week, you go somewhere else for a week. The agreement is dependent on that. To me, this is just another way your DH is showing his selfishness - you go on holiday WHERE I WANT, irrespective of the impracticalities with a toddler, or you don't go anywhere.

FUCK THAT.

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 24/09/2012 07:53

Book a week for yourself somewhere at the same time as he books his week away. Tough crap if he doesn't like it.

Numberlock · 24/09/2012 09:13

I suggested that I went away for a week and DH said no

This statement needs exploring, irrelevant of whether you're being reasonable or unreasonable about your husband and son going away. What were his reasons? Were you considering a week away on your own or with one or both of the children?

I sincerely hope you told him to stick his 'no' where the sun don't shine...

Numberlock · 24/09/2012 09:14

DH has just fit back from a trip to Germany

Thinking back to your other thread about your husband going away, I'd assumed this was a work trip but have now realised he was away over the weekend so was it work, pleasure or both?

dreamingbohemian · 24/09/2012 09:44

I think YANBU

First and most important, it's ridiculous for him to say you can't go away but he can. Can you explain that further? Because it's just not on AT ALL.

Second, a lot of people are happy to take young children on long flights and I envy them greatly but that doesn't mean you are selfish if it's not something you want to do yourself.

To me, it's not really a holiday if you have to spend days recovering from the travelling bit. We're sticking to short-haul until DS is older.

Why not do a family holiday somewhere closer, where DH and DS can go off for a couple days to do their own thing perhaps?

SomeoneThatYouUsedToKnow · 24/09/2012 11:11

Oh Dear, I just reread the entire thread and wish to retract my earlier reasonable post.... ..I had skimmed over the bit where your DH had said you can't have a holiday on your own! That changes everything and wasn't at all what I had in mind when I posted before.
Is your DH usually that selfish?

I still wouldn't want to go though. It doesn't sound like much fun and you could look at it from the viewpoint that you are letting them go for your DS's sake.

WorraLiberty · 24/09/2012 11:21

Go and have your own week away, you deserve it!

I didn't realise your Husband's DS lives with you, I've always had the impression you've been alone with the baby when your DH is at work/asleep all weekend?

Numberlock · 24/09/2012 11:53

What is your DS expected to do with himself whilst your DH is having his afternoon sleep

Ah, your last post explains that comment, Worra, thanks. There's obviously back story here I wasn't aware of.

Pandemoniaa · 24/09/2012 12:03

There's a huge back story here, Numberlock. Probably not fair to link to it but this appears to be the latest in a series of incidents which are linked by the selfishness of the OP's DH. Who is a man that needs very many hours sleep over the weekend.

I don't think you are U in wanting to go on this trip, necessarily, OP and I wouldn't be too worried about routines. Equally, I am sure you will cope without him if he does go.

However, I think you need to be much more worried about the fact that while it is OK for your husband to go away on holiday without you, the same courtesy isn't extended to you.

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