to tell this mother to get over herself next time I see her?

[NapaCab]

So yesterday it was the end of summer party for the mothers' group I'm in and when we came in, I saw one of the mothers and said hi. She said hi and then said to DS (in my arms) 'hey DS! Are you crawling yet? Or crawling properly, I mean?'. Then later on she commented again that he was army crawling, not 'proper' crawling.

Our sons have almost the same birthday (October) and every time I see her she makes some comment on milestones or progress they're making. Her son is walking already and she keeps making a point of this. Clearly she's very competitive and hung up on these things and so far I've tried to ignore her but yesterday I really was quite hurt that she wanted to point out my son's (in her head) 'lack of progress' in front of everyone and make a point of it. She made me feel really self-conscious especially since DS is one of the few in the group who isn't walking yet.

Should I say something to her next time I see her (it's not a competition, get over yourself) or just ignore, ignore, ignore??

[ToothyMcTooth]

My friend always used to say to anyone who asked these kind of competitive questions "Oh no my dd can't do anything, she's completely hopeless. She can't crawl/talk/write etc at all". She would say this even when her dd was right in front of her crawling/talking/writing etc. It always worked at disarming the other parents. My friend's view was that she knew her dd was fine and would get there in the end. Who cares if someone else thinks she's 'behind'?

I have employed this tactic many times since and its very satisfying. I always, always underplay my dc's achievments and keep any concerns between me and my proper friends. They're the same people I share the successes with too.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Hecate

I love that!

[Alliwantisaroomsomewhere]

Tell her you are GUTTED that your child is not like hers and how VERRRRRY envious you are of her child's astounding achievements.

Wow! What an AMAZING child you have! How devastating mine is so dreadfully, terribly ordinary.

[HappyJustToBe]

I like Hecate's answer but unfortunately there is very little you can say that won't sound bitter. Believe me, DD is 16mo and is only walking a couple of wobbly steps at a time much to the shock of some at the baby groups

[EugenesAxe]

I'd like to tell her in a 'Professor Cleavitz' (or whatever it is) Shazzer from Bridget Jones style tirade to shove her fucking milestones up her fucking arse.

My DH is incredibly clever. I'm not going to list everything that looks smart on his CV, but to set a picture he has a 1st class degree in maths. When did he walk? 18 months.

tethersend -

[Mia4]

Ignore her, she sounds pathetic-having no other way to feel validated or get an ego boost by putting down an infant and mum. Ignore, most of the other mum's probably think she's an idiot deep down.

[mum4041]

Is it only me thinking she was probably just trying to make conversation and it came out wrong? People say the wrong thing all the time.

I wouldn't take it to heart. Yours will be walking in a few months and she'll stop saying it.

Since I had a baby I've met a huge number of awul people. One or two nice ones. But several awful ones. I'd just smile and move on to talk to someone else.

[LordFlasheart]

I would go for sincere admiring of her child if it were me. Agree how advanced he is. Freely say yours is nowhere near that level. Be as sweet and nice and admiring as you can. Do this right and she will start to feel embarassed all by herself.

[LordFlasheart]

Not that your DS is in any way inferior to hers, btw!

I just mean an overdose of sugar often works well on these people. I have met a few. And later on when your DS is taller/talks more or some such other thing you can watch her noticing, and pity the competitive fool

[NapaCab]

"Einstein Syndrome" - I love that! I may just use that if I see her again and she says the same thing.

To be honest, she does come across as a bit awkward and very insecure about her son and what he's doing. Once they're older and all walking, talking and so on, she might be a bit more bearable. Or maybe even worse...

I'm going to try and maintain a sense of humour about it and minimise the time I spend with her, if I can.

Thanks for cheering me up with all your anecdotes!

[Themumsnot]

My DD1 didn't crawl at all and didn't walk until she was 18 months. She is now 15, Grade 5 ballet and violin and predicted straight A*s in her GCSEs this year. I remember how crap I used to feel when people made comparisions and comments, but you know what - it's about their insecurities not yours.
Next time remember the MN line: That sounded rude: did you mean it to?

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

I'd pay to be in attendance if you go with tethersend's suggestion. Actual money.

[YouMayLogOut]

She probably has no idea other people assume she's being competitive. I'd ask her "are you just making conversation or are you quite competitive about these things?"

[mum4041]

Once they're older and all walking, talking and so on, she might be a bit more bearable. Or maybe even worse...hmm

It's funny but once they're at school people who's dc are good at things are usually very quiet about it.

[toomuchmonthatendofthemoney]

at tethersend on page 2, god I'd love to see her face if you used that!!

[catwoo]

YANBU. I knew a neighbour mother like this when my second, was a baby.i used to find meeting her very irritating. If it had been my first baby i would have been very upset too I think.Now the kids are 14 and it seems absolutely ridiculous to have been competing over what age they were crawling or walking.
My advice is to stay away from poisonous people who mess with your head.Just say Hi and move on to talk to somebody nicer!

[redwhiteandblueeyedsusan]

drop her not literally, tempting though it may be

i had a late walker, two late talkers and 2 late potty trained.. (out of 2 children) and know the feeling of them being the last to do whatever.. and quietly dropped one mum who was similar.. not worth the stress..

one of the late talkers was reading at 3 though (boast alert) shan't mention the other one though

children do what they do when they are ready. there is not a lot you can do about it. tell her you love you child for who he is not what he can do... then kick her in the shins

[fuckadoodlepoopoo]

I had a friend whose child was always the first to do things. She's rather disappointed to discover that he's quite average at school.

Op. I bet yours will be talking first . . . would love to see her face!

[Xmasbaby11]

Just ignore her. I would feel sorry for her, so hung up on milestones.

[moreyear]

'studies' (god knows there seem to be one proving every viewpoint) indicate the longer a baby crawls the more advantageous it can be for subsequent development because it develops both sides of their brain. This really helps them with reading etc - drop that on her next time she is being so silly : D

[YouMayLogOut]

"Is it only me thinking she was probably just trying to make conversation and it came out wrong?"

mum4041 you sound like a really nice person to be giving this person the benefit of the doubt, instead of being quick to see the worst :)

[TandB]

I knew someone like this when DS1 was a baby. I went for the piss-taking approach.

Competitive Mum: Is Kungfucub crawling yet?
Me: No, but his abseiling is coming on just great.
CM: How is Kungfucub's babbling?
Me: No idea. We keep him locked in the cupboard at home so we can get some peace.
CM: Is he trying to walk yet?
Me: Yes but we find that if we tie his ankles together it stops it nicely.

She gave up eventually.

[CuriousMama]

Blimey kungfu I'm amazed CM got past first question?

I like the 'you must be sooooo proud' over and over. Or the head tilt and nothing back.

DS1 was a very late walker as was ds2. DS1 is 15 now, top in all his subjects except P.E. so like your ds probably has the Einstein syndrome

[ceeveebee]

I know someone like this. Her DD took her first step at 8 mo and she would say things like 'oh your twins are still at that stage where they just lie there and do nothing, how lovely for you, it's so much harder for me now dd is walking'
I told her how my dsis also walked at 8mo. Always keen to be first off the mark, she got pregnant at 15yo.

[gimmecakeandcandy]

She sounds like a twat. Avoid her - life is too short to listen to her shite! My dc1 was an early walker too, nine months and he doesn't display any bribery tendencies than his peers! My friend told me her boyfriend didn't walk or sY much until he was nearer two and he is now a maths genius!

It means nothing and she is an insecure and twatty arse!