to tell this mother to get over herself next time I see her?

[NapaCab]

So yesterday it was the end of summer party for the mothers' group I'm in and when we came in, I saw one of the mothers and said hi. She said hi and then said to DS (in my arms) 'hey DS! Are you crawling yet? Or crawling properly, I mean?'. Then later on she commented again that he was army crawling, not 'proper' crawling.

Our sons have almost the same birthday (October) and every time I see her she makes some comment on milestones or progress they're making. Her son is walking already and she keeps making a point of this. Clearly she's very competitive and hung up on these things and so far I've tried to ignore her but yesterday I really was quite hurt that she wanted to point out my son's (in her head) 'lack of progress' in front of everyone and make a point of it. She made me feel really self-conscious especially since DS is one of the few in the group who isn't walking yet.

Should I say something to her next time I see her (it's not a competition, get over yourself) or just ignore, ignore, ignore??

[Thumbwitch]

Fingers crossed, Napa!

You could try saying something like "oh all these milestones don't really matter at this age, they all even out in a couple of years anyway and DS is concentrating more on the cerebral rather than the physical at the moment in his development" - but then that kind of makes you almost as bad as her, but it would take the wind out of her sails.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Napa

It's really hard not to get riled by competitiveness - my own bete noir with my SIL was eating - I had a fussy eater and she literally banged on about what her DD would and wouldn't eat. It stressed me out and DS picked up on it and was even worse when we were together. I wish I'd totally ignore her.

Anyway karma came - as it very often did, and her dd became fussy later. The issue for her was anxiety-based

[CarnivorousPanda]

I'd just smile, she sounds a bit insecure and maybe lonely?

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

yes purple

If op thinks she's a prat, other people will pick up on it as well

[SmethwickBelle]

I used to know a mum round here who would simper and faux scold her baby for "showing off" every time he did something slightly ahead of the curve - "Oh Jasper (not his name) darling stop showing off, not all babies can bear weight on their legs at 4 months!"

"Oh dear Jasper's showing off again, look at him cruising, look [JASPER IS PROPPED AGAINST STURDY POUFFE AND IN NO DANGER OF CRUISING ANYWHERE]... LOOK! Oh Jasper you have to stop SHOWING OFF you cheeky monkey!"

It was really really irritating so you have my sympathy. The same silly cow would wave chips at my weanling saying "you don't want mummy's horrible old banana do you you want one of Jaspers chips" but that's another thread

You have the babies in common but probably nothing else, she's quite possibly an irritating person full stop who just has a new prop with which to get on people's nerves.

[Tiago]

I would tell her then that he is practising as he wants to be a spy. Alternatively, burst out laughing when she makes a comment (she'll be flummoxed).

I also like the "Einstein didn't speak until he was three" phrase.

[NapaCab]

You're all right - humour would be the best approach. My BIL walked really early at 9 months and he is the least academic thicko in the family. I joked about that to another friend in the group after a particularly odious event where Competitive Mother showed everyone how her DS was already taking first steps at 9 months and moved him around to say hello to all the other babies (who were standing up already because they're older) and then came to mine who was sitting and refused to stand at all when her DS came around to say hello show off.

We had a good laugh about that so maybe I should regale Competitive Mother with tales of my early-walker BIL next time I see her.

[lovebunny]

positive side - she knows his name and is interested in his progress.

negative side - she's a tactless piece with a competitive streak.

try 'take no notice of mrs x, darling. as you grow up i'll teach you to have good manners.'

[BalloonSlayer]

Or you could say "Ah you should have seen him yesterday! But today he's a bit tired because his Mandarin lesson takes it out of him . . ."

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

or say nothing, slightly incline your head with a big smile. Watch how she tries to fill awkward silence

[albertswearengen]

I once had one of the competitive Mum at the baby group ask me what size feet DS had. Turned out her son had a full size bigger than mine. She was so smug. I actually laughed at her- which didn't go down too well.

[NapaCab]

She is actually Chinese-American Balloon so the Mandarin lessons probably wouldn't impress her too much. I'm sure I'll be regaled with tales of how her DS is bilingual in Mandarin and English in a few months' years' time.

I'll have to try Kumon Maths or gymnastics or Ancient Greek or something instead...

[lljkk]

I feel infuriated on your behalf, Competitive Mum.

No no, OP, don't try to one-up her with tales about family development. If anything, play up her supposed "concern" about your late developing child. Ham it to the extreme,

"Oh gosh, I read it in a book that 13 months was about average for walking, but I suppose the books all lie & I should listen to your superior knowledge."

"Yes, poor DS. I guess he'll just have to sit around looking gorgeous instead of bothering with all that walking nonsense!"

"Yes it's marvellous your child is walking already, is he opening cupboards & climbing things, too? That must be ...er, fun? Have you child proofed everywhere? What CAN he reach now? Isn't it fun that you can't turn your back on him for even an instant? So glad my child stays where I put him."

etc.

[ChitchatAtHome]

Reverse it! Turn around and say

'Oh you poor thing, fancy having to babyproof for a walking child before he's even 1 year old, what a nightmare!'
'Oh my goodness, talking? Now you'll never have any peace!'

Oh and Op, DS2 commando crawled like crazy - walking was too slow for him as he was trying to keep up with DS1. He only got up and walked when a much younger child was over, he took a look at him, and got up and walked at 13 1/2 months.

[BlueSkySinking]

Ignore it but next time she says something say ' it's not a competition'

[OhNoMyFoot]

My personal favourite is to comment that I'm sure by the time they are 18 ds will have caught up!

[Hotcoffeeisamemory]

Ahh, you need to role out the standard mn phrase...."Did you mean to sound so rude?"

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

My early (9 month) walker turned out to be the thickest of my bunch (sorry DS1) He was also talking in full sentences at 18m and I thought I had a genius . he isn't, although he is a lovely, kind compassionate teenager and I adore him.

His much slower to walk and talk sister is now at Med school becoming a doctor...

None of it means anything, as I'm sure you know, but the competitive parents are a royal pita!

[CalamityKate]

I'd go with laughing and saying "gosh aren't you competitive". If you can make it sound as if you find her faintly ridiculous so much the better.

[HecateHarshPants]

Yes. I think something along the lines of "My goodness, aren't you competitive. Shall we put them on the floor and race them?"

And then walk off, giggling.

[JeuxDEnfants]

Ignore :)

[lola88]

I would say very loudly 'oh DS it looks like your losing xxx's competition ha ha ha' everyone will laugh she'll feel like an idiot.

My friend is like this too she spends hours trying to teach her ds things i just let mine go at his own pace and she is so annoyed that her son is behind mine even though mine is 10 weeks older. She's like this with her older son and my DN she once told him DN can write her name and you can't you need to practice, he was 3 and she was nearly 5 and started school!

[tethersend]

"I know, we're utterly devastated by his crawling. The only thing that keeps us going is that he doesn't have a massive twat for a mother, which is some small consolation"

[aquashiv]

Tell her Einstein didnt talk until he was nine and walk until nearly two. Refer her to the fact your son is developing his brain for other things. Perhaps even tell her about Einstein Syndrome she will be sick as dog and start to worry that her little protegy might not be so advanced afterall.
Or you can do the right thing and smile sweetly and say really how marvellous for you.

[cheekybarsteward]

I would say "i wish he would start crawling, rather than sitting around speaking Cantonese all day, that's the problem when they don't do the physical they tend to do the cerebral!"