to tell this mother to get over herself next time I see her?

[NapaCab]

So yesterday it was the end of summer party for the mothers' group I'm in and when we came in, I saw one of the mothers and said hi. She said hi and then said to DS (in my arms) 'hey DS! Are you crawling yet? Or crawling properly, I mean?'. Then later on she commented again that he was army crawling, not 'proper' crawling.

Our sons have almost the same birthday (October) and every time I see her she makes some comment on milestones or progress they're making. Her son is walking already and she keeps making a point of this. Clearly she's very competitive and hung up on these things and so far I've tried to ignore her but yesterday I really was quite hurt that she wanted to point out my son's (in her head) 'lack of progress' in front of everyone and make a point of it. She made me feel really self-conscious especially since DS is one of the few in the group who isn't walking yet.

Should I say something to her next time I see her (it's not a competition, get over yourself) or just ignore, ignore, ignore??

[crackcrackcrak]

Yanbu she is a knob

Dd walked at 18 months. Her best friend walked at 9 months. No one has ever said anything rude/judgey to me about dd getting there in her own time. Anyway they even out - dd and her bf are mistaken for twins now at least twice a week

[Proudnscary]

I'd go with a laught and a faux affectionate 'You are HILARIOUS!/You're so funny when you get all competitive', as if it's an endearing little trait of hers that you find ridiculous but amusing.

She'll either get angry in response then she looks like a twat. Or she'll start backtracking 'Oh no, I'm not being competitive'. Or she'll have to laugh nervously along with you.

[Fozzleyplum]

I had experience of a mother like this. She'd just left her career to become a "professional" mother (and vicar's wife!) and seemed to need to define herself by boasting about her DC's prodigiously early sleeping through the night/walking/everything else.

If it's any consolation or reassurance, she'd regularly have a sideswipe about my DC's comparatively slow development; he reached all the milestones much later than her prodigy. I just wish she'd not moved away from the area before the fateful day when, a couple of months short of his third birthday, my little dullard picked up a book and read it out aloud, fluently. And of course I wouldn't have crowed......much.

I'd ignore her - I love the idea of blaming it on last night's ballroom dancing.

[BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff]

eerrrrrrmmmmmm!!!!

I take extreme offence to all this 9-month walker = thick as pig shit.

I, Professor Brian of Cox with the scary hair walked at 9 months.

I am well intelurgent.

Cheeky bunch of biatches

[lisad123]

I had this and got too sick of it I dumped the "friends".
Turned out dd2 had special needs, and that was the reason and just got really upset. Not worth your time, and in a few years you aren't likely to see them anymore.

[BeaLola]

I do like the suggestions so far.

I can sympathise - I'm new at all this but some parents are sooooooooooooo competitive - I think its an insecurity thing for most.

At the end of the day they are all different & develop differently - My brother didn't walk til he was 18 months and he ended up being a real sporty teenager especially running.

Tempting as it may be I would just smile & move past her - I'm sure there are lots of much nicer mummies there like you .

[anniewoo]

Woman not wan oops

[anniewoo]

My mother worried cos my brother didn't walk till he was 18 months. He was the brightest of us academically and did realky well career wise. What a stupid wan yor 'friend' is. Avoid avoid avoid - think what she will be like when the children start school. Oh dear!

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"tethersend Mon 24-Sep-12 13:00:30
My DD didn't walk until 20 months.
"

Ha! Dream on!
Might I refer you to my post of Mon 24-Sep-12 00:57:49? "DS didn't walk until he was 22 months."

[handbagCrab]

Agreed napa if a cm wants to compete against me, I'll smile and nod, if shes being snide to my ds, I'm not having it!

My ds is proper gorgeous too, very smiley and so on. He's amazing in himself, as all babies are. They don't need someone else to be put down to make themselves feel or look better. That's just adult crap. :)

[mum4041]

It reminds me of the reading bands. People get so competitive about it, trying to worm out of you what level your dc is on, complaining to the teacher their dc hasn't been moved up quickly enough.

When the reality is, they'll all be able to read when they leave our primary.

It's even more ridiculous when it's related to walking, talking, having teeth or hair.

I worry constantly that I'm not doing things right and I think a lot of this stems from these kinds of insecurities.

[NapaCab]

You see that's what I'd expect HipHop. If my DS was an early walker, I would just be polite and say something vague like 'oh he's just more work now!' or something along those lines. To point it out to everyone and point out what other babies aren't doing is just rude, I think.

My DS happens to be very cute, for example. He is beautiful for a baby and has been since early on so I get a lot of compliments and people admiring him e.g. leaving the party one of the other mothers stopped us as we said goodbye and said 'oh my gosh, you're son is just so cute! He's adorable'. I just say thanks and leave it at that. I don't dwell on it or point out others' failings. Obviously. Because I'm not a cow (I hope).

[Mylittlepuds]

I think it's weird that people do this and smacks of extreme insecurity.

[missymoomoomee]

Walking early can be an sign of dyslexia. My son was up and walking at 9 months old, I was asked at one of the learning support meetings when he was too young to be confirmed as dyslexic and was told that that can be an indicator (it has since been confirmed). Not really relevent but it just shows there are other reasons some children do things early rather than just being amazingly better than anyone elses child.

[HipHopOpotomus]

"walking early is not a sign of intelligence - after all, many animals can do it as soon as they are born."
I like this reply!!

DD1 was first to do everything - as endless CM's pointed out to me (reverse problem) and mustn't I be very pleased with her . I'm proud of and pleased with my DC whenever they do something and because I think they are amazing not because they are supposedly "beating" the other babies in development!!

I spent a year saying "they all get there in the end" before just giving up, and nodding and smiling.

With DD2 I get lots of "she's not like her sister is she?" - smile and nod, smile and nod.

[Giddypants]

Tell her development is a journey not a race!

[trixie123]

I always just tried to completely shut down the exchange from the off with something fairly non commital "oh he's coming along, they all get there. Anyway, how was the xxx thing last week?" (preferably non baby related)

[BartletForTeamGB]

I've never met a CM maybe that means I'm the CM at toddler groups. Everyone is just nice and chatty at these groups.

DS is decidedly average so we are happy with that.

As for later walkers, I didn't walk or crawl until I was 16 months old and was a bottom shuffler. I seem to have got the hang of it in the end though! I have managed to struggle through life despite that massive setback though and have got several degrees including one from Oxbridge. Of course, I can't play tennis to save myself or have anything resembling hand-eye co-ordination, so swings and roundabouts really!

[FryOneFatManic]

I've just remembered that DBro was a bum shuffler, like those babies on the recent advert for some nappy. He never crawled at all.

[FryOneFatManic]

My DBro didn't bother talking until he was about 3. That's because I, as his older sister, simply got everything for him so he didn't need to ask anybody. Until I started school and wasn't there to get him things

These days? Verbal Diarrhoea!!!

[autumnlights12]

and my ten month old dd has just started sitting up properly and commando crawling in the past week. My eldest two didn't walk until 15/16 months and funnily enough can now use their legs just as well as their friends who were walking at 10 months!

[NapaCab]

Just remembered that she also commented later as he wriggled through my legs, got up on his knees to look around and then started to crawl off:

'There! You're crawling properly now... oh well, almost' as DS flopped back on his tummy.

I just picked my son up and took him away at that point! Who does that?? Standing around commenting on what other people's babies are doing or not.

[autumnlights12]

when they do things means nothing.
My eldest dd is now twelve and gifted at English, very articulate, advanced vocabulary. She didn't say a word till she was 3. I had a few snarky comments from other people implying she was slow and that it was probably something I was doing wrong. Thank God I don't care about all this stuff with my now dd3.

[NapaCab]

Great anecdotes! Competitive Mother is clearly a widespread phenomenon at play groups worldwide... it is so silly because in the end kids all get there in their own way.

I'd never even thought about DS walking before he was 1 because I didn't walk until I was 13 months and my DH was the same so I imagined all babies were like that. It's only this mother who makes an issue out of it. No-one else in the group cares and if she brings it up they just make vague comments that they can't remember when theirs walked and kids are all different.

handbag: that's kind of how I felt after the party. I was actually upset that she was mean to my DS. It's one thing to say something to me but to say it to my DS was weird and felt mean. That's when I felt I should stop giving her the benefit of the doubt on being awkward or insecure and realize she's actually a bit of a cow.

[FaintingGoat]

Next time she says anything like that, or asks if he's done xyz yet, don't answer the question, just say "Wow, you're really hung up on those milestones, aren't you?" And every time she does it after that, say "You and those milestones!" That way you get to mkae your point and you don't have to give her any information about what your DS is or isn't doing. It'll probably really irritate her too!