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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just settle

23 replies

TheRealAmyFarrahFowler · 23/09/2012 01:05

I love DP. We have a lovely life. I don't want to give up the loveliness of our life, but I want more. I'll give more details if asked for but I'm basically asking - do you count your blessings and compromise or do most of you have everything you ever dreamed of?

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 23/09/2012 01:08

Depends on what it is you are dreaming of.

A different man? Or just something different in your life?

Original poster
TheRealAmyFarrahFowler · 23/09/2012 01:11

Oh I don't know. A different life ie doing something madly exciting like moving to Italy or starting an animal sanctuary or just something that isn't workeatsleepwork. KWIM?

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 23/09/2012 01:22

Yep. Know exactly. Im always thinking is this it? Really?

Have you told your DP this? Does he share the ambition to have a different lifestyle?

I guess a lot of people are genuinely happy. But they do have that little niggle that somehow they are missing out. That theres something out there thats better.

ThreadWatcher · 23/09/2012 01:27

Could you not do the exciting things with your dp?

Speaking as someone who doesnt have a dp and who doesnt have a particularly lovely life........... I am Envy
Definately dont throw everything away!

I would chat to dp and find out if he might share some of your ambitions too.

thornrose · 23/09/2012 01:31

Do you see yourself doing these things without dp?

Original poster
TheRealAmyFarrahFowler · 23/09/2012 01:31

Oh yes. We're dreamers. We have the brochures etc but we get stuck thinking Hey - England's great, we have good jobs, we're lucky - why rock the boat?
What I'm really wondering is if most people are "Oh god yes, I wish we had the balls/money" or if most people are living their happy workeatsleepwork lives and never give it another thought.
Sounds like you think like me wannabeadomesticgoddess.

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 23/09/2012 01:38

Yes, my DP and I are the same. We want to emigrate to Australia but cant coz of DD and her dad.

We are fed up of everything here. No jobs. Just the same old everyday.

No idea what would make it better though.

Original poster
TheRealAmyFarrahFowler · 23/09/2012 01:43

Oh I feel bad now wannabe that you can't do what you want whereas we're choosing not to. But god we're hitting too old (he's 42 I'm 37) and I keep thinking DO SOMETHING NOW, stop procrastinating and take the fekkin plunge. If it's any consolation I hated Australia when I travelled there Grin

OP posts:
thornrose · 23/09/2012 01:45

Sorry I totally misread OP and thought you had "settled" for your dp, hence my stupid post, as you were Blush

HolyAutumnGoldBatman · 23/09/2012 01:47

OP this is completely irrelevant to your thread but; do you namechange a lot, but always with a 'Big Bang' theme or are there 20 new posters all with Big Bang themed names?! I'm getting so confused.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 23/09/2012 01:50

Dont feel bad. Chances are that if we could we would probably still be sitting here :o

Sounds silly, but the thing I really wanna do is go to university. Have the proper experience.

But in 6 weeks I will be a mummy of two. I will have to get a job early next year. Its just a silly dream.

What do you and your DP want to do?

juniper904 · 23/09/2012 01:50

I remember times when I was with my ex-boyfriend.

I really did love him, but I was sick of him and of us. I was driving towards his one night when I was overcome with the urge to drive to Dover and board a ferry, get a plane and just go somewhere else. I was happy with my life generally, but this overwhelming desire to go so far away from him was what I needed to make me realise he wasn't right for me.

He is and was a lovely, caring and gentle person, and I'm sure he makes his current girlfriend happy. He made me want to drive hundreds of miles to not be with him...

Original poster
TheRealAmyFarrahFowler · 23/09/2012 01:56

HolyAutumn I do namechange but this is my only BBT one.
wannabe - congratulations and ironically the one thing I really wish I could do is have a baby :-(. Horses for courses, eh? Cause I've been to uni. Twice. And I'm back there now doing a masters.
Who knew that within 1 page this thread would've thrown up such a clear be thankful for what you've got answer to us both?! Grin

OP posts:
notanaxemurderer · 23/09/2012 06:49

I've moved to South America with my DP, who is Irish, and we have a toddler, which sounds madly exciting but life here can still be mundane (bills to pay, floors to mop etc) and I still have a niggling feeling that I've 'settled' so it's a case of the grass being greener. If you're happy, count your blessings.

Alligatorpie · 23/09/2012 07:16

I live overseas too, and as I am on mat leave right now, life is pretty mundane, dh and dd1 go to work / school so I am home with the baby. There are Pros and cons, right now, I would rather be home, but if I was working, I would be happy to be here - much better quality of life, good weather, lots of holidays, a cleaner, steady jobs with high salaries....I just miss the social life I had at home and family.
I don't think many people have everything they have ever dreamed of, but I could be way off base. I think most people have a high amount of compromise in their lives, at least the people I know do!

SuoceraBlues · 23/09/2012 07:21

something madly exciting like moving to Italy

It's not madly exciting here lovie, well, not unless you enjoy the adrenline rush of wondering if the country is going to go bankrupt this week, thanks to all the doom laden headlines.

It's just geography, same shit where ever you go.

I have compromised in the sense much of my time is taken up with the mundane, my life is not exciting. But that's OK becuase happiness is a four or a five, not a nine. That kind of "high" is not maintainable, content is.

OutInAllWeathers · 23/09/2012 08:14

The grass isn't always greener though is it? Sometimes we have enough without realising.

Happybunny12 · 23/09/2012 08:21

My DH and I took time out in our 30s to travel the world. Best decision ever (apart from DC). If you look for reasons NOT to do something you will find them. Mortgage? We put our stuff away and rented out the house to cover most of it. Work? We were prepared to quit jobs but in the end were lucky enough to get sabbaticals.

One thing that prompted us to go was that the company DH used to work for went bust- no job, no notice. Once that has happened to you, you realise a lot of the fear of not having a job is worse than the reality.

Go out for dinner with DH or a weekend away somewhere different and talk about what you really want out of life then come home and do it! Good luck.

fluffyraggies · 23/09/2012 08:46

I kind of did the 'that's it i'm sick of it' thing. I felt i'd settled and wanted a good big change.

With 3 tiny's and a (now ex) H who wouldn't get on a plane Hmm i had to make do with moving out of central London, where we'd all been born, and into the deep English countryside. My reasoning was that we'd still be pretty skint, i'd still have to do the shopping, cleaning, cooking + bottle washing etc but with a beautiful view and bloody good bracing fresh air.

And i was spot on - same life, but somewhere pretty. Great life for the kids.

10 years on - new DH, kids older, i'm perhaps thinking i'd like the same life - but in the SUN. Shopping, cooking and cleaning but with the windows open and the sun shinning every day :)

Aged parent, and me being the only child is more or less all that is stopping us. I would imagine there must be quite a few of us out there who are a bit bound by family ties when it comes down to the nitty gritty of it.

quesadilla · 23/09/2012 09:21

What SuoceraBlues said. Moving to an exotic location can make life just as mundane as at home but without the benefits of a support network. Me and DH did this for two years and it was very hard work carving out a new life, and just because you are somewhere hot and beautiful doesn't mean you don't have bills to pay etc. not saying don't do it - it was an experience - but that mundane, day to say feeling will ultimately apply wherever you are.

quesadilla · 23/09/2012 09:30

Day to day, I meant

MrSunshine · 23/09/2012 10:21

Wherever you go you take yourself with you.

TheBirderer · 23/09/2012 10:49

Hmm, it's tricky. I agree that on a day to day basis life is going to be quite humdrum some of the time, no matter what. You sound like you want more excitement, maybe you should try new activities that don't require a ton of planning and money: skydiving, climbing and so on? Something that injects something into your life without necessarily being a massive jump into the unknown.

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