To be a little cross that a friend sold the phone I gave her?

[ThePieWhoLovedMe]

or is it a case of ...I gave it to her so she can do what she likes with it ??

Had my upgrade... Friend was saying how she needed a new phone but was skint. I really wanted to help her out so I offered her my old mobile (Smart phone, only 18 months old - going for £150-£200 on Ebay). She sold the phone and brought a cheap Tesco's one.

AIBU?

YADNBU - you gave to to her to use, not to profit from financially. I see this as almost like theft - she might as well have taken that money straight from your pocket. This would seriously alter how I viewed this friendship and she would never be given anything else from me again.

Similar happened to me once. A friend took her relatives baby into emergency fostering arrangement. I gave her a travel sytem I had been planning to sell, could have got £150 for it. She kept it 2 weeks, social services bought her a new one, she sold the one I gave her.
So now, when I do this , i say "If you find you no longer need it, let me know and I'll take it back"
Which frankly, most people would do out of courtesy.

Still unsure if I am BU - but thank you for your thoughts everyone.

Blackberry - I was at her house yesterday and noticed she had a different phone. I asked her daughter (19) what had happened to the other phone and she told me her mum had sold it and brought a cheaper one.

My friend once gave me a big wall clock that she had nowhere to put. I used it for a year, then moved house and sold it, along with a lot of other things, via one of those Buy and Sell facebook groups.

I had COMPLETELY forgotten that she had given it to me, and although I justified it to myself, I'm still a bit embarrassed about it. (She commented on it, saying something like "Hey! I gave you that!")

Although it's not entirely the same, I think that in the interests of karma, gifts should be re-gifted rather than sold.

Unless you're really, really skint.

Think of it this way, would you have just given her £150-£200 as a gift rather than a loan?

She might be really hard up - more than you imagine and needed the dosh for something vital like food or childs shoes. I think you are soon going to understand how broke she is...and her actions won't be as annoying. Don't let it eat you up.

A few months ago I would have done the same. I couldn't have justofoed owning anything expensive that could have been sold to pay the bills or the groceries. Maybe every time she looked at it she was reminded what else could have been done with the money.

I don't own a mobile for this very reason. People have offered them to me, but I couldn't justify the expense once I had the thing.

I'd be happy that something I'd given had helped a friend who needed it.

justified even. One day I will get used to this keyboard.

If you are a close enough friend to give her £150 worth of phone, then she should think you are close enough to simply say to you "I need the money to pay the bills, you dont mind if I sell the phone, do you". Cause what would you say, "yes i do mind, give it back and starve"?!?
So no, YANBU.

I had a settee recently that I tried and failed to sell. No one would buy it because it was a traditional one so older than usual and didn't have those necessary fire safety labels. I didn't want to pay the Council to take it away so offered it on Freecycle. Someone came saying that it was for his son, who had come with him and who was setting up in a student flat. If he sells it, I don't mind because I don't have the problem any more.

Something like a phone though is rather different because I think she should have offered it back to you for you to sell or give to someone else.

There is a very middle class area near where we live that is now called cornflake city because it is known many residents in serious financial trouble (obviously substituting cereal for meals). When people are in financial trouble they can see things differently. If the friend sold the phone just to get money for something frivolous I would be annoyed but if it was used for something essential then I would think, my friend needs support and she needs to get debt advice.

on the surface this looks skanky and grabby, but it is possible that she really needed the money for a bill, kids school shoes or food if this is the case then its understandable but she should have said something.

I still think YANBU to be upset

I think it's a case that you see things differently. She obviously saw it as a gift, hers to do with as she pleases. I would feel put out by it too - it is something I wouldn't do but I know I have different standards to some others. Next time you give someone to something do it without conditions or make the conditions clear.

I lent a high chair to my friend to see if she liked it. Hers didn't fit to the height of her table. They moved and left that table at the old house. Although I told her to use it if she liked it, I expected it back when she had finished, I never saw it again. I look at that now and think I should've been clearer in my explanation.

There was a thread on here recently about how to help a skint friend without causing them embarrassment.

You've just done that without trying - does that make you feel any better?

You've done a lovely thing and given her a phone, quite an expensive one, as a gift.

At the moment, you have no way of knowing if she's looked at the phone and thought to herself that by selling it (and getting a dirt cheap one instead) pays her gas or 'leccy bill for this month, or her rent etc.

Skint means different things to different people - she may well be really struggling, and has taken this as a sincere act of kindness on your part - in giving her something that she can convert into useable cash, without the sheer embarassment of telling just how bad things are and asking for money.

No way would I consider a person who has done this a bitch, or consider ending a friendship over it.

YANBU to be miffed she sold it. But yabu to have not made clear whether this was a gift or a loan until she could sort a new phone out. Or you could have offered to sell it to her at mates rates if you weren't fussed about having it yourself, but didn't just want to gift something with such value. However, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and I'd assume she is too embarrassed to say she broke your phone and had to replace it with a cheaper one.

Ok. I am seeing it like this.. She needed the money more then the phone. I will forget about it and move on.

You are not being unreasonable. You gave her a phone because she wanted a phone. You didn't plan to give her a tesco phone PLUS £150, which is what she's ended up with. That was your phone and your money that you agreed to forgo purely on the basis that she could get a PHONE, not that she could profit out of your good nature. I'd be really cross if I were in your position. the fact that she might be more in need of money than you doesn't mean that you should quietly accept that she can get from your item a wad of cash that you never intended to gift to anyone! The fact that someone else might need money doesn't in itself mean that you should just hand it over or that you are a bad friend for doing so. I think she's abused your generosity.

I would be very very pissed off tbh.

I think she knows it's out of order as she's been underhand about it.