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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dump a new boyfriend if he does nothing for my birthday?

148 replies

ticktockdontstop · 20/09/2012 21:51

We have Been Seeing each other since April. It's my birthday on Monday. He hasn't mentioned anything regarding it until tonight. I have plans with my friends on my birthday day, which he isn't invited to, I said it would be nice and romantic to do something just us on the weekend.
I expect him to maybe suggest dinner or something.
Tonight on the phone he says he has been meaning to ask what I would like for my birthday. I did the polite thing and said that he Didnt have to get me anything. And he said that was good.

I'm a bit upset.
And given that he is a self confessed c
heapskate, I now don't expect anything, but I would never be so rude as to ask for something, if that makes sense.
I think It's quite possible I might not even get a card.

I'm also sad that at this stage you would think he might be making some kind of effort.
Am I being unreasonable/ too precious to dump him over this?

OP posts:
VeritableSmorgasbord · 21/09/2012 11:28

Oh dear, it sounds like a waste of time, it really does.
He might be very nice but he's not exactly setting you on fire, is he? He sounds boring. Imagine yourselves three years down the line. You don't sound like you want this at all. And why would you?
I agree with others, he does sound like an unimaginative freeloader. Only you can gauge if that's true but really sharing is at the heart of a relationship, if he starts off by signposting the fact that he doesn't share then you can't be in any doubt that this won't improve.

Jelly15 · 21/09/2012 13:07

I would dump him if you don't get a surprise on your birthday. If he isn't making an effort at the start of a relationship he is never going to. You deserve better.

Bluestocking · 21/09/2012 18:51

Living at home at thirty? RUUUUUN LIKE THE WIIIIIIND!!!

Quiteoldmother · 21/09/2012 18:57

Make sure he pays for the next few meals etc, then ditch him.

Pandemoniaa · 21/09/2012 21:03

I'm failing to see his charms, I'm afraid. Although admittedly, I never think it is very helpful to say you don't want a gift when you know you'll be upset if you don't get one.

But for all that, there are so many red flags here: lives at home, doesn't drive, is chronically mean yet happy to take advantage of your hospitality although equally capable of booking himself a nice holiday without you, and your friends don't like him! I reckon you could do much better, tbh!

GoldShip · 21/09/2012 21:48

YABU for having kesha lyrics as your username.

KillerRack · 21/09/2012 21:49

I totally understand YANBU.

plus if he makes no effort now it won't get any better later.

iscream · 25/09/2012 07:23

Happy Birthday ticktock!

YouMayLogOut · 25/09/2012 10:11

You do seem to have quite a few reservations, OP.

Numberlock · 25/09/2012 10:13

How was your birthday, ticktock?

Pixieonthemoor · 25/09/2012 11:52

Come on OP - did you have a lovely birthday and did the bf come up trumps?

If he didn't, frankly I would run for the hills. If he is not making any sort of effort this early on in the relationship, it is bad news.

Bluegingham · 25/09/2012 13:58

Yep. If its not impressive he's not that into you.

Darkesteyeswithflecksofgold · 25/09/2012 23:08

How was your birthday OP Hope you had a good one.
Did your boyfriend get you a card and pressie?

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 27/09/2012 19:27

What happened op?

foreverondiet · 27/09/2012 19:56

Well you said you wanted nothing - I have been married to my DH for 15 years, he is a wonderful caring husband, helps around house, devoted to the kids, yet he has a block about birthdays - sees them as a waste of time - for him its another year when he hasn't achieved x, y or z. I have only got presents from him when I have explicitly asked - most years he hasn't bothered. I don't care anymore eg this year I will get myself an iphone5 and tell him its from him Smile

If you have birthday needs, spell them out he is NOT a mind reader. I have amazon wish list, stuff at various prices, my sisters / parents / parents in law etc choose from the list.

Corygal · 27/09/2012 20:01

Make a superb plan for your birthday that avoids him/expense/emotional issues.

If he's cheap, lose him - they don't change. Maybe he wants to move in with you at a good rate? It's been known.

knackeredmother · 01/10/2012 22:06

Happy belated birthday! I've just read the whole thread, what happened OP?

LindyHemming · 01/10/2012 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/10/2012 22:17

HELLOOOOO... Tell us what happened.

StepAwayFromTheORANGECakes · 02/10/2012 17:08

he bought her a spade and she's buried him under the patio and legged it?

redexpat · 02/10/2012 19:13

Please update us!

knackeredmother · 04/10/2012 20:47

Bumping as I NEED to know!

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/10/2012 21:31

OK, who is obsessed enough to PM her. I'm not secretly am but I'm not going to.

Dozer · 04/10/2012 22:17

Even if the OP received diamond earrings she should run for the hills!

ParsleyTheLioness · 07/10/2012 15:07

Go on, MrsP you know you want to...

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