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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU unreasonable to not know when....?

21 replies

riskit4abiskit · 20/09/2012 19:35

Hello anyone,

This is my first ever post of my own, (actually have butterflies about it which is daft).

Anyway... AIBU to be up and down like a yo-yo about TTC, and want you to tell me if I should? I just can't decide if I'm 'ready.' In no way do I intend this post to be offensive to anyone who cant have kids, so I hope its okay.

After lurking I have noticed 'drip-feeding' is a henious crime, so...

  • DP is enthusiastic
  • We will never be well off but we both have jobs.
  • I am 29.
  • Health of both is fine.
  • no family histories of problems conceiveing (although we do have small families and I do worry about time getting on).
  • i have been on the injection / pill for about 14 years.
  • i am worried about how a baby will impact on 'us' as a couple, although also think DP would be better than me.

So anyway, IF we are lucky enough to be able to have children, would you in our place?

Please be kind!
R

OP posts:
MrsJamin · 20/09/2012 19:37

Just go for it! Sounds like you don't have any negatives. I was 29 when starting TTC (and now have 2 lovely boys).

Original poster
riskit4abiskit · 20/09/2012 19:39

Thanks very much for replying,

I don't think any of my friends who have had kids have been scared about this part, the giving birth part maybe!

OP posts:
Waitingforastartofall · 20/09/2012 19:39

you sound pretty level headed and ready to me, but then its a very personal choice. Yes it will impact you as couple, in some positive and negative ways but i assure you the positives outweigh greatly. Take your time, enjoy yourself trying and whatever will be will be :) x

HardlyEverHoovers · 20/09/2012 19:42

Yes! It sounds like you just have a few jitters regarding life changing. I have 1 DS and having him was most definately the best thing that ever happened in my life. In fact I would have popped another one out the very next week if that had been possible! People tell you so many things to scare you about having children - life will never be the same again, you'll never have time to read a book again (actually LOADS of time to do that when you are sat breastfeeding) etc etc. But it's really not that bad, most of the time everything is just more fun because you have a cute baby with you!
I was also worried how it would impact on us as a couple, but in our case brought us closer together. You become bonded by the fact that you are both related by blood to the child, and you see eachother as a mother and a father, not just eachothers spouse, and that's amazing.
Whatever you decide, all the best.

BlueSkySinking · 20/09/2012 19:50

Try now. 29 is a great age - if you encounter difficulties you still have time to sort them out. Yes it might seem a scary prospect but being a parent is just amazing.

Original poster
riskit4abiskit · 20/09/2012 19:53

What lovely replies. Thanks for taking the time to reply rubs worry sweat from head.
I think i worry that i will be fully 'grown up' if i have a baby - a scary responsibilty. I am a bit of a perfectionist at work (although house is a tip strangely) so i worry about doing things 'wrong'

OP posts:
Purplemonster · 20/09/2012 19:58

If it's any help at all, I'm scared too! My DP is a lot less enthusiastic than yours sounds and that's making me feel really nervous about the whole thing so if you need a TTC buddy/hand holder...hmm does that sound a bit stalky?

Pandemoniaa · 20/09/2012 20:02

I had my dcs at 27 and 29. We were definitely ready but every time we sat down to have a serious conversation about readiness we found all sorts of reasons to wait. So in the end we stopped having serious conversations and had a baby instead!

Sounds to me as if you should do similarly. Good luck!

MrsJamin · 20/09/2012 20:03

You do have to let go of your perfectionism as a mother, otherwise it just adds to your stress levels! I think the fact that so many people talk about the negatives of parenthood is a very British thing to do. Being a mother is utterly amazing, really. You are totally bowled over by the love that you can have for these beautiful little people who know you as their number one person they'd like to have around.

HardlyEverHoovers · 20/09/2012 20:03

Don't worry about being grown up, if anything you get to act more like a kid than before, except you do have to remember to be adult at important times of course! And children don't need perfection from their parents, just lots of love and possibly a bit of a plan.

Original poster
riskit4abiskit · 20/09/2012 20:20

Purplemonster - you may see me in December on a TTC thread - when are you thinking of trying?

Hardly - I would enjoy the acting the kid bit too, but think between the two of us I would be the bad cop!

OP posts:
Original poster
riskit4abiskit · 20/09/2012 20:27

I am going offline now, but promise to check for more responses tomorrow. Thanks everyone, I feel a little more reassured now.

R

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 20/09/2012 20:36

I think it is impossible to say how a baby will affect a couple and how much it will change your life. It so depends on the individuals. Think how you will feel in 10 or 15 years time. Would you be sorry you didn't have a baby. If you both like the idea of a baby then I'd say go for it!!

aldiwhore · 20/09/2012 20:39

I was of the "hey we're happy, we'd like kids one day, lets see what happens" ilk. No stress. Had I been properly TTC it would have felt like it took a long long time.

Hope that makes sense.

If you both want a family 'at some point' and it wouldn't be a disaster to have one now (can't think of a specific context why it should be) then there's no harm in trying. x

Purplemonster · 20/09/2012 20:48

I'm starting in October so I'll see you around the TTC boards!

redbusandbigben · 20/09/2012 20:50

Got married when I was 28 and we both wanted children but didn't know what would happen or whether it would be difficult to conceive..

DS was a honeymoon baby and arrived 9 months later. He's 16 now and had 3 more after him. No stress Grin we just went with the flow.. You can't analyse things too much especially once the babies arrive

julieann42 · 20/09/2012 21:33

Things will be dfferant between you two when you have baby and yes there are things you want to consider, work, money,maternity leave or going back to work etc but I wouldn't analyse it too much because what ever you think it's going to be it will be totally different in reality! My children have changed my life but I wouldn't be with out them! Life is busy and frenetic but I love it and them! Go for it!!

lotsofcheese · 20/09/2012 21:42

OP, you haven't given any reasons not to... However it doesn't seem clear that YOU actually WANT children, more like "ought to" have them....

moreyear · 20/09/2012 22:37

Those concerns and worries you have will be there whatever age you decide to have children - I had the same doubts at 35 as I had at 30. But facing them at 30 rather than 35 would have given me far greater control over how many children I would ultimately have and the spacing between them. If you think want children go for it. :) I wish I had made the decision at 29.

Ooh and it does change your relationship with your DP - certainly by the time you have a newborn and a toddler it's hard to have any 'us' time but it also has bought us closer, we are less individuals and more united in a shared effort to get more sleep iykwim. One of the things I now love most about DP is what a fantastic father he is. It has 'cemented' us.

InkleWinkle · 20/09/2012 22:43

I WAS in your place. Left it for a while then a couple of years later decided to 'see what happens' ... 2 DDs later it's all good (mostly) Grin

MadgeHarvey · 20/09/2012 22:44

I was your age when I became pregnant with my first - and only as it turned out - DS. I was ready. Before that I wasn't. I think you just know when you are! Good luck

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