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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am not a mug

39 replies

IllHaveAFlatWhitePlease · 20/09/2012 13:43

I've been called a mug today by DP's best friends wife who is currently staying with us (her, her DH and three year old)

Why? Because she observed me putting DS, 7months, down for nap. He can't self-settle so I usually walk him up and down the kitchen in my arms, rocking, until he nods off. Then put him as gently as possible in cot. TBF it sometimes takes a few goes! Yes it's a pain, yes it does require everyone else to STFU for 10-15 mins but I'm just not up for CC yet.

She said he will never be able to settle himself and that I am a mug for all the rocking. Really? Am I? I guess I am writing this as at the back of my mind I feel maybe she might actually be right in suggesting I try and teach him to self settle. Is now a good time? Will he be ok if I don't? Or will
I be rocking an 18 year old DS off to sleep because he still hasn't figured it out??

Do think it was a bit harsh, although I'm sure reasonably well meant. She herself admits DD was a dream baby so I think it was probably a lot easier for her to put her down than my highly strung DS

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 20/09/2012 16:18

This might be a pretty off the cuff idea, by why don't you try communicating with her instead of copying what she's saying to you onto a public internet forum?

She Is BU for telling you what you should/shouldn't be doing.

And you are BW (being weird) for telling us what you think of her interference instead of telling her.

You've got to love modern technology....

nickeldaisical · 20/09/2012 16:20

if she's still there, say this "it is none of your business, and I wish to be treated with respect in my own home"
do the cat's bum mouth if you need to.

nickeldaisical · 20/09/2012 16:22

Worra - it's probably because she doesn't feel secure confronting her.
please don't be so judgemental

WorraLiberty · 20/09/2012 16:25

She doesn't have to feel secure confronting her.

But can you imagine how weird you'd feel if you were sat in someone's house knowing that every word you're saying is being copied onto an internet forum, for everyone else to dissect?

Judgmental or not, I think it's bloody strange.

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 20/09/2012 16:25

You are being a mug

But only for putting up with rude house guests Grin

Seriously though, if someone is a guest in your house they should refrain from spewing 'helpful' advice and insults at you

Tell her to keep her unwanted advice to herself or start criticising everything she does with her child

Original poster
IllHaveAFlatWhitePlease · 20/09/2012 16:35

Worra, is it weird? I'm not copying what she is saying verbatim and I'm not sure how me complaining here is any different to a lot of what is said on AIBU.

I don't want to confront her, because well what the hell is the point? It will sour the atmosphere and she's only here for another day, then I'll probably not see her for an eternity (they live on the other side of the country). If she was here for longer, then naturally I would. But if DP suggests they come visit again, I'll ask him to sort them a hotel!

I just came on here to get other people's take on it, because it's made me think twice about the way I do things.

OP posts:
maristella · 20/09/2012 16:38

DS did not self settle until he was over a year old, and he has always been brilliant about going to bed ever since.

"my baby, my way" ;) repeat it every time she inflicts advice

Fosgoldlady · 20/09/2012 17:00

I'd be telling her that there's a good b&b down the road.........

MammaTJisWearingGold · 20/09/2012 17:02

Just a thought, not saying she is right, but because you are thinking she may have a point, perhaps now is the time to try CC, just because you have her there for support.

It would be a lot easier with someone there to soothe you while he learns to soothe himself.

andallthatjargon · 20/09/2012 17:03

Each to they're own, I do try and promote mine self settling as I'm lazy and just haven't the energy for the rocking / walking up and down, that said mine have never been great criers I wouldn't be able to just leave a baby to cry for long.

URMyDinosaurOnASpaceship · 20/09/2012 17:13

We rocked ds for aaaaagggesesss. He is now 2.8 and settles brilliantly and sleeps through. Your baby is still tiny and you should exactly what you feel is best. I'd tell her that when you want her opinion you'll ask for it until then you'll do things your way.

minceorotherwise · 20/09/2012 17:14

I never managed to control cry, couldn't bear it. Do what you want to do. What your instincts are telling you. She sounds like an interferring old bat who is just trying to show how clever she is and how crap you are
You're not.
Smile, say 'thanks, we do have very different styles of parenting don't we? Tea?

naturalbaby · 20/09/2012 17:25

If your baby's routine works for you then tell her it doesn't need fixing.

I did sleep training at this age because I spent longer getting ds1 to sleep than he would actually sleep for, but the night waking was breaking us so that needed fixing!

CaliforniaLeaving · 20/09/2012 19:15

She's an interfering bint. Next time she comments, just say Wow that was rude, and in my own home too, and walk away.

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