Were you being unreasonable when your child was injured at nursery or school?

[Shinybits]

I know children get bumps/grazes/bruises/cuts under the supervision of their teachers, accidents happen.

During my time working in an early years classroom i had to hand out accident forms explaining what had happened, many parents seemed care free but i also had a fair few whom i felt were being unreasonable and a bit pfb in their reactions. - fortunately there were never serious incidents.

But after the two tragedies that have occurred recently it got me thinking....

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-19632847

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2202297/Dicky-Birds-nursery-Police-investigate-death-year-old-Tiya-Chauhan-choked-jelly-cube.html

So in hindsight do you think you were justified in how you handled nursery accidents? Have you taken your complaints further? How was you handled? Who do you think was being unreasonable?

What are they supposed to do, exactly, for a bruise? Plastic surgery? It is a bruise. Unsightly, yes, maybe a little tender for a day or two, but nothing life threatening. What would you have liked them to do apart from what they did, which was provide appropriate comfort and reassurance? Was your DS happy when you picked him up?

The only time I ever got the hump with DD1s junior school was when she injured her ankle during PE and they didn't tell me about it. She had to be helped out by a friend to the school gate at the end of the day. She had apparently been limping and complaining about it all day but had been ignored by her teacher and sent away from the office.

This was three days before a dance show she had been working towards for the previous ten months. We managed to get an emergency appointment with a private physio that evening but she had to miss the dress rehearsal and the first show on the Saturday.

I was annoyed at the school as if the injury had been attended to (ie iced and elevated) it may have been ok for the following weekend.

Nope, I agree with you welsh. Sounds professional and compassionate. I would also send a standardised bump to the head letter home that points out symptoms and signs of something more serious, yes it may be common sense to many parents but to some it may not. Better safe than sorry

But surely, the parents should know what sort of signs to look for as the child might fall under their own care?
Is there really a need to 'cover your own arse' all the time just in case 'the parent didn't know'?
This is a serious question. We are adding more and more paperwork, documents 'just in case' or rather just to be sure that I will not get prosecuted if the parent decides to be difficult/ it was more serious than it appeared etc.

I think the bruise and location was serious enough to warrent a call to me so I could decide what to do, 2 hours after the accident he was really clingy and upset which is what I noticed before the bruise, and he was having trouble swallowing for a couple of days afterwards too. With the bruise being on his throat and him acting out of sorts and not eating his snack I do think that they should have called me.

missy it's a good job you aren't mum to my ds then, if I took him to a&e every time he got a bruise we'd never be out of the place!!!

DS1 has had 2 serious accidents while out of my care, a broken leg at nursery and damage to his teeth at school. Both of which required a hospital stay. They could both just as easily have happened if he were with me, so no complaint necessary. However, if my child had hung himself on rope that should not have been there, I would press for criminal charges.

Lady, I'm sure (I binned it, sorry) the accident form says that if you at all concerned, to speak to your doctor or NHS direct for further advice. I have been given an advice leaflet on head injuries byva&e when taking Dd in with suspected concussion, but I don't know if a nursery etc handing them out would provoke more anxiety than it would solve, if that makes sense?

missy I think you have a point, especially if 2 hours after he was still clingy and unhappy (even if he wasn't crying as such) and he had issues swallowing (I would hope that he hadn't eaten anything during that time at nursery!)

ladyindisguise I don't think it's too big a deal to have copies of that letter to hand, I agree most would know, but like I said there are those who may not.

Missymoo, it's a pity they didn't call you or fill in an accident form until you asked. BUT kisses and cuddles are the best thing for a child with bruises, even a nasty bruise like this. There is nothing medically than can be done for a bruise. A cold compress won't have any effect. The child needs affection and reassurance - it sounds as though the staff gave him that.

Both of my children have had plenty of minor bumps at nursery school. I did once pick DD up and she had a new bruise on her face with no letter and no idea how she hurt it - but DD admitted she hadn't told anyone so what could they do??

I have never felt annoyed with the setting, my children get minor bumps all the time when I am looking after them too.

I was always quite laid back about bumps and bruises at nursery as they always knew exactly what had happened and when and yes quite often they would say it was managed with cuddles and kisses.. I didnt have a problem with that

until the head of the 3-5 room changed and i went to pick him up one day. He was sporting a big bruise on his head.. when I asked what happened the reply I got was.. oh I didnt notice... how could you not notice??????????????

apparently ds didnt tell them he had banged his head.. yeah well I am not asking you to be physcic just to notice a bruise appear on his head that wasnt there earlier in the day

I took it all the way to the manager... ds was only at nursery for a few weeks more as he was going to school but for those few weeks I got loads and loads of accident forms.. eg ds was going across the room and stubbed his toe on a chair.

They clearly thought I was being pfb.. but I dont think I was ...

[Added.] I've only just seen the bit about still being upset two hours later and struggling to swallow - I definitely think they should have phoned you. (But I still think that kisses and cuddles were the best thing the staff could offer the child.)

oh see moaningminge maybe I was being pfb then...

Our school incident slips have a treatment section and one of the choices is "TLC". I think it is entirely appropriate for many injuries.

I now have 4 dc and am a bit older and wiser and a bit more relaxed so I probably wouldn't do a mad dash to a&e now, but I do think now I would take my child out of nursery in the same circumstances tbh.

Every nursery they have been at since I have always carefully questioned their accident procedures and what would sort of thing they would call me for, and every nursery they have been in would have called under the same circumstances as the accident he had due to it being on his throat.

I had to pick my eldest up the other day and take him to A&E (unless there's blood or serious cause for concern, the school leave it up to parents to make that call) for a jaw injury. He collided with a shorter hard headed girl and come off worse.

I was obviously concerned, upset to see my usually brave boy in absolute pieces (sensitive area I guess) but at no point did I even think to 'demand' information or become aggressive.

All was well in the end, just a bruise, but a playground mum seemed shocked that I hadn't 'gone apeshit' at the school. I didn't sign an accident form either, must do that.

I love my children, hate seeing them hurt but accidents DO happen. If it transpires that something doesn't sound 'right' I would investigate. But that wouldn't be my first thought.

No but you might to check that it IS just a bruise....

That's the thing with children, it can be very difficult to make the difference between just a bump and a real issue.

I took dc2 to A&E once after a fall on his bike. Did the whole 'magic cuddles' routine, waited for 1/2 hour and he was still crying saying he couldn't move his arm. Arrived at A&E (Walking clinic didn't want to see us and sent us there), cue for the nurse to smile sweetly. She gave him paracetamol, and put a compress on his arm with water on it.
Her comment was 'If the pain goes with paracetamol, it's probably nothing. If it doesn't please come and see us'.
Which is all good at home but not in a nursery environment.

With my DS he got head injury forms for school about three times a week while he was in YR and Y1, then we have all the bruises elsewhere which didn't warrant a form. I think I had two calls to let me know that he had hurt himself but that was all.

He was always accident prone, when he was at nursery, the staff always breathed a big sigh of relief which he was collected by DH or me as we just signed the accident book, if my DM collected him she used to give them the third degree.

If I complained to the school about every bruise or scrap I would be there all the time. A quick cuddle from the office staff or teacher and back on his way is a lot better way of treating any minor scrap.

I get 'your child has bumped her head' texts several times a week too, dd has mobility issues and falls down A LOT.

Nurseries can't win. When dd was at daycare i saw a mother going OFF on one because she'd been called from work to collect her child who had vomited. She was shouting about withdrawing her and finding a nursery 'not so previous about clearing up a bit of sick' and complaining about an afternoon of lost pay. I suspect if anyone called her about a bruise she would have exploded. Maybe they should gave called you but they clearly thought it was unnecessary firva minor injury. They can't be expected to second guess parental preferences all the time, they made a judgement call and you didn't like it. C'est la vie. They were clearly caring, which us what I tend to look for in a childcare setting, so I maintain ywbu.

My ds2 cut his hand on a piece of glass in the nursery playground. It looked really bad! Blob of fat hanging out and deepish cut. I couldn't fault the nursery aftercare though! They called me straight away, administered first aid, isolated DS2 to stop him getting the wound dirty, (put him in the office where he had a big grin on his face spinning round on one of their swivel chairs). When I got there they were worried that I was going to shout at them! Afterwards there was an emergency meeting, and a plan of action decided to minimise it happening again! I thought it was a bit OTT. I didn't get shouty at them because my ds2 always gets in scrapes, and it could of happened in the garden or down the park.
On the otherhand, I remember one mother getting shouty because her daughter banged her head. No red mark, no bump but she was having a go quite loudly at the staff.

• precious, not previous!

DD was burned by the glue gun at school.

They had extra staff on hand for supervision and she still managed to get it.

It was an accident.

I want to be told, but members of staff are so very careful nowadays, I think there are few cases of real negligence. Sometimes accidents do happen.

I always react really well. DD got a tiny scar from an incident that happened when she was at the CM's. CM said they were both in tears at the time and she had had flashbacks all day about it. But do you know what? She could just as easily have had the same accident with me. I don't stand over her watching her all day everyday.

I imagine it would depend on how they were injured, and what action was taken by the staff.

Dd has always been accident prone (like her mother), her worst injury was when she fell and broke her arm. The staff response was good, first aid etc taken, contacting me to let me know what was happening, organising transport to hospital.

Ds was a different story however. For some reason the staff managed to not see when he cut the very top of his head at playtime and was looking for help with blood streaming down his face, but couldn't find anyone as the duty staff had disappeared off for a sneaky cuppa.

I didn't see it as being unreasonable when I told them that their duty of care was severely lacking; ds was under their care whilst at school and I expected him to be cared for. I was more than a little about it all, considering it was the same staff for both children.

FWIW I don't think that Missy was being unreasonable taking a child to A&E with that type of injury. Residual swelling could have caused the child real problems, and any 'airway' injury should really be checked out.

Last year on my DS's first day of Reception class I collected him and he had a cut, swollen lip, he had been pushed over in the playground in the lunch hour, it was still bleeding 2 hour later, it was so bloody I thought he had done it just before I arrived. The teacher said there was no accident report and it was a case of, 'boys being boys'. For about a week afterwards he found it difficult to eat as the cut would reopen and bleed again. I must admit I was shocked as he is not a very boisterous boy and my brother jokes that he's going to be a Health and safety officer as he is so cautious so I couldn't imagine him getting stuck in there with a bit of casual violence! The teacher said that no accident report was written as the blow wasn't to the head but it did occur on his face which is part of the head? TBH it is chaotic at my DS's school, it is very big and they do seem a bit slack with the safety. He's in YR1 now and collection time is chaotic, a little boy managed to walk out of the school gate the other day at collection time, a parent walked him back!