Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to rain on her parade?

24 replies

princessclaradoll · 20/09/2012 07:59

Okay, so this is the background.

Im going on holidday next year to Florida for 3 weeks. Myself my 7 yo, my friend her 18yo and her 13yo.

One week at Disney and 2 weeks at my friends sisters about an hour from Disney.

Now im paying for flights and week at disney for me and my dd. There are no accomodation costs for fortnight at friends sisters and friends sister has also very kindly bought us lots of extras such as tickets to swim with Dolphins etc.

Im under no illusiions that i wouldnt be able to afford this kind of holiday without friends sister accomodation and generosity and therefore wouldnt be able to go on this kind of holiday without friend.

Friend said to me yesterday that 18yo had been doing some planning and had a suprise for me so i was somewhat intrigued - So got an e mail from friends 18yo last night and she has basically planned an itinerary for the whole three weeks! Right down to what we are doing each day! Now im a planner and i think an itinerary is a good idea but id like to be involved in it somewhat!

There are a few ideas i would like to discuss with friend and i def dont agree with the whole itinerary. But on the other hand, i wouldnt be going on this trip without friend so should i just accept its going to be on their terms?

E mail from 18 yo is full of exclamation marks!!!!!! Im guessing shes really excited about this itinerary and i feel i would be raining on her parade if i e mail back saying yes its great but....how about this, maybe that and im not keen on X but love Y and cant wait for Z.

Also, because friend described this itinerary as "a suprise" im also thinking she thinks its great and would i ruin it if i didnt jump on board?

So, AIBU to want to suggest some changes and want to be involved in the planning?

PS - 13yo and 7yo dont know about trip yet, dont know if thats relevent?

OP posts:
HaveringGold · 20/09/2012 08:06

Next year is still a while off so I'd hold back. When will you next see your friends daughter? Why not say wow your so helpful let's get together so you can tell me all about it - and then face to face suggest some ideas in as positive ways as possible.
And regardless a holiday involving 2 adults, 2 teens and a 7 yr old plus your friends sister (and her family?) means there will have to be a lot of compromise all round.

bigsnugglebunny · 20/09/2012 08:06

Why don't you say that you love the idea of an itinerary. Emphasise how kind it is of her, and how grateful you are, and what a brill idea it is - but then perhaps ask if you can have some "blank days" put into it where you can just "chill" (or whatever word 18 year olds are using these days!)

Explain that with younger children, sometimes plans can go awry - and you'd love some unstructured days where you can just kick back and see where the wind takes you.

slartybartfast · 20/09/2012 08:09

you dont have to stick to the itinary though, in reality do you?
but may be for her sake, so she doesnt get disappointed, after all her planning, you might say, lets have it a bit flexible with chill days.

flyoverthegoldenhill · 20/09/2012 08:10

I bet by next year 18 yo won't actually want to hang around with old people andd kids !

Find a few great things for her age group - then she how fast she can run.
Have a lovely holiday

Vinomcstephens · 20/09/2012 08:15

Absolutely no WAY would I have anyone decide an itinerary for my holiday apart from me! You are paying for this holiday, you're not going as travelling companion on your friends holiday, so you need to nip this in the bud. That said, I do agree with the other posters who say leave it a while - but whether you deal with it now or next year, make sure it's clear you are having input in what you do!

Original poster
princessclaradoll · 20/09/2012 08:21

She has asked me to mail her back "the nano second you get this!!!!!" - see what i mea about her being excited??

So i have composed this so far

Itinerary looks great, good that you got some input from X (sisters family in Florida) also.

Will definitely need to meet up soon and talk it all through, may need to make some changes to accomodate a few ideas I have and also when the park hours etc get released nearer the time?

Very exciting though :)

Hows that? Fairly neutral?

OP posts:
LydiasMiletus · 20/09/2012 08:26

Have you posted regarding this trip on another parenting site? Just seems familiar.
If it is I know that its the trip of a lifetime for you and dd and it needs to be enjoyed by you too. You need to speak to them.

LydiasMiletus · 20/09/2012 08:27

Sounds good. Perhaps throw a few !!!!! And 'amazeballs' in there. :)

Original poster
princessclaradoll · 20/09/2012 08:31

ha ha ha amazeballs, i dont know if i can bring myself to use that word! will add a few extra !!!! and maybe an "aarrrggghhh so excited"

nope this trip just got booked last month so must be someone elses dream trip also :)

OP posts:
caboodles · 20/09/2012 08:32

Think that sounds a bit negative, especially if she's so excited you don't want her to swing the other way and get pissed off.

I'd say something like,

wow thanks so much for this, it looks great! You must have spent a long time putting it together.

I'm really looking forward to x and y. We're going to have a great time. When we get there lets stay flexible too, as you never know what other cool stuff there might be going on when we get there!

Then I'd pretty much say nothing until on holiday - then politely demand ask for a relaxing day or two. They'll be more likely to agree once they're in holiday mode

HollyMadison · 20/09/2012 08:34

I'd hold back right now from suggesting you want to make changes. You'll be able to do that closer to the time. 18yr old will have spent so much time and effort on it I think it would put a dampener on things for her if she thought you were immediately wanting to change. It's a lovely thing for her to have done but don't worry, these things will move over time. And even on the holiday you can just say "X an I might just stay home tomorrow as we're a little tired" etc. have a lovely time.

LydiasMiletus · 20/09/2012 08:36

how strange. Someone on bounty with the same username is going to Florida and staying with friends sister.
have a good time whatever happens.

Original poster
princessclaradoll · 20/09/2012 08:39

Its not so much the rest days, she has scheduled rest days in, its more her plans to go to X park on the first day, Y park on the second etc whereas i think we should do A park on the first and B park on the second etc. Also, she has planned a dinner for the evening we arrive but by the time we clear customs and travel to our villa its going to be 10 or 11pm our time even though its 5 or 6 USA time. I have to accomodate a 7 year old who needs to sleep!

Just little things we need to discuss in person really I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
princessclaradoll · 20/09/2012 08:43

Ah LM, may have posted on Bounty before when the opportunity to go arose - wasnt on MN then!

OP posts:
LydiasMiletus · 20/09/2012 08:46

Op when we fly, we get their around the same time. As we have a villa, its supermarket on way from airport, macdonalds (next to supermarket), home unpack and fall into bed around 7pm their time.

Netguru · 20/09/2012 08:50

Let it go for now. Even if she is still wedded to it by then (which i sincerely doubt) it will shift. I mapped out our most recent trip to Disney very carefully once we knew dining reservations and park hours. We used it as a loose guide when there but life tends to just take over.

Really really not worth saying anything over now.

Original poster
princessclaradoll · 20/09/2012 08:52

thats what im thinking LM, may just say that 7yo probably wont be up to it but shall just see at the time, they can feel free to go without us though.

OP posts:
Original poster
princessclaradoll · 20/09/2012 08:53

Thanks NG, will just e mail back with lots of greats, fabs and maybe even an amazeballs and suggest we meet up soon to chat about it all :)

OP posts:
ShirtyKnot · 20/09/2012 09:00

The other thing worth pointing out is that the parks have "busy days" and these are usually based on previous years' crowds, so the ones she's using now may change next year.

squeakytoy · 20/09/2012 09:16

speaking from experience, the dinner thing on the first night is probably a good idea.. you dont want the 7yo going to sleep at 6pm, because they will be awake at 3am otherwise. The longer you can keep them up on the first night the better really, and they will hopefully have slept a bit on the plane.

ShirtyKnot · 20/09/2012 09:22

yy squeaky.

We arrived at our hotel at about 5pm local time and all I wanted to do was sleeeeeep. We didn't though, we went to the hotel restaurant for dinner and stayed up until 10pm local time. We were all excited at being in the US and on our holiday so it wasn't too awful and it meant we settled into the time difference relatively easily.

Thumbwitch · 20/09/2012 09:26

Is there a cost implication in this for you? Can you afford all these trips? Because you might be able to use that as an angle - she probably won't have thought of that from your POV.

I think it's fine to say that you might need to re-jig the dates a little, but unless you have really good reasons for changing the park visiting order, I think you can probably agree to compromise on that a little.

LydiasMiletus · 20/09/2012 09:30

We find we are so knackered we sleep til 7am, including as go was one last time.

CrackerJackShack · 20/09/2012 10:33

Just got back from Disney World & Daytona Beach a few weeks ago, and I can definitely say that when you're faced with those line ups and the absolutely IMMENSE sizes of the theme parks you can pretty much through itineraries out the window. So I'd just say great job to the 18 year old, whilst internally knowing that you probably won't be following any itineraries.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page