To make my DD do a class she's unhappy with

[WhyTheBigGoldPaws]

DD (10) has been doing a gymnastics class for the past year or so, she's always been good at this sort of thing and enjoys the class but is keen to move up, get better and start to compete. She spends her whole time doing handstands and cartwheels and talks about nothing else, she's determined that this is what she wants to do with her life. I haven't pushed her at all, this has all come from her.

Now, what she was hoping for has happened - she's been asked to join their development classes. I thought she'd be delighted but she came home from the first class last night in tears saying it was too hard, no fun and she didn't want to go again.

I don't know what to do! My initial reaction is that she needs to give it a try for a few more weeks and see if she enjoys it more. I don't think she should just give up at the first hurdle and if she backs out now she probably won't get another chance. But is it fair to make her do something she didn't enjoy? I feel mean but think it's a good lesson for her that she should stick to a decision and that things you want don't happen without a bit of effort.

As it is something she has previously shown that she loves I would encourage her to keep at it for a few more weeks (perhaps til half term?) and then see how she feels?

I think it would be reasonable for her to go to a couple more classes but I wouldn't push it if she still hates it in a few weeks time. I think all the gymnastics competition stuff for young girls looks like it verges emotionally damaging at times and I would be secretly pleased that she was not taking it too seriously, tbh.

Encourage her to keep going. This happened when I was young, I hated it as it was more strict, lots of strength training etc. Got used to it and ended up training 4x a week and loved it!

Definitely give it a few more weeks, it might just be a case of getting used to the other kids as much as anything.

I put my then 7yo DD through a whole term on French which she didn't particularly want to do as we'd already paid for it. Tbh it turned out to be a total waste of money anyway, but she survived and has now jacked it in in favour of choir!

At 10 years it is worth talking to about the fact that really anything in life that you want to succeed is going to hard work some of the time. I have already had this conversation with my 8 year old DD about her tap dancing.

What does the coach say? There's a big difference between Beyond Her Capabilities" and New Stuff She'll Get The Hang Of With Effort iyswim

"It's too hard" can be code for "I'm frustrated because i wasn't immediately awesome" :)

Definitely make her go to a few more classes. If she had wanted this for so long she had probably really built it up in her mind, so any little difficulties or awkwardnesses socially might seem much worse than they are. A bit like starting a new job - its always a massive anti climax for me, and the 'fitting in' aspects are stressful. But after a while its fine.

At 10 I think she could start to learn a lesson about not giving up at the first hurdle. Make a deal with her, like she must attend for X more classes but she can stop after that if she still hates it. You could always try to have a word with the coach as well to check s/he thinks your daughter is doing OK in the classes.

She is probably shocked and never really realised how hard this new class would be.
I would give it a few weeks. It will be more focused and harder for her at first.
I think now would be a good time for her to understand you need to work hard for what you want and you should gone things a fair go before giving up.

I'd make her go back but speak to the gym coach.

Dd is eight and does gym, back in England she was the " star pupil " upon moving to Dubai it's all a bit different her coach is Russian (ex olympic squad) and she went from a few jumps on a bench back in England to Uneven bars in the new class.

Definitely give it a few more weeks - explain to her that you'll review it after a few more sessions, if she still hates it, you'll let her stop, so she knows you are listening to her.

Like the others, I'd encourage her to give it a few more weeks. My daughter does competitive gymnastics, and ime there is a totally different culture to recreational. It does take time for them to get used to. I think in the competitive stream, it is far more repetitive, they focus on perfection and so the children will keep going over the moves again and again until they're perfect all of the time. They will be corrected a lot more, and so they have to get used to criticism. You don't seem to get this so much with recreational, where they're learning the skill but it doesn't really matter what it looks like.

If it were my dd, I'd give it a few weeks and then see what it is she doesn't like about it. Some things they do get used to - like having to do it perfectly, being corrected and so on... These things she will probably get used to in time. However, if what your DD doesn't like about it is the repetitive nature of the class, then that will never change and she'll probably always find that is a problem. Indeed, I know a few girls who were in the squad with my daughter who left for this reason (interestingly, they were all dancers as well).

At the end of the day, give it a few weeks, but ultimately it's probably not going to go anywhere long term (my dd does 14 hours a week [she's 8] and whilst she's good, she's nowhere good enough to ever be a professional gymnast. It'll only ever be a hobby for her). So I look at it as an expensive and time consuming hobby. I think it helps to always keep this in mind, as it helps you to keep a check on things, and not get too carried away iyswim. So with that in mind, if she's not enjoying her (expensive and time consuming) hobby after a month or two, then what's the point??

And good luck.. It will take over your life , but is a great little hobby for them.

I'd encourage her to keep going for a while.

But, gymnastics when taken to the next level becomes hard. It's certainly not cartwheeling about the place. There are lots of reps, lots of body conditioning (which hurts like hell), lots of strength exercises.

You lot talk so much sense much more than my DH! I completely agree that it's come as a bit of a shock to her, it's really interesting to hear the differences between the 'fun' classes and the more serious stuff - I just don't think she had realised what it would be like (nor had I). It's also true that she's gone from being quite good in her previous classes to nothing special in these and I don't think she liked that. She is a bit of an 'anything for an easy life' type of kid, gets by because she's reasonably good at most things but doesn't like to put in too much effort. Her coach said she would manage the classes fine but that doesn't mean she will enjoy them.

There's no way I want her to do something she's not enjoying (and I don't want to pay for her to not enjoy it or sit in the car waiting for her for 2 hours while she's not enjoying it!) but I think she needs to stick it out for a bit before deciding one way or the other - it's not fair to mess the gym people around and I also don't think she can judge on one session. It sounds as though competitive gymnastics is serious stuff so I think we both need to be aware of what she's getting into and think carefully before committing to it.

I'd insist she tried for a bit longer, but obviously listen to her if she didn't come round after a month or so. Can she do both classes until she's settled in to the new one, so she still has something a bit more fun too? Remind her that she couldn't do the cartwheels etc when she first started the old class, and the other kids have had lots of practice but it will become fun once she masters new things and gets to know everyone. She will get even more satisfaction from her new skills once she gets over the new and different.

My dc (5) went to her first gymnastics class last week. I watched the whole time and she looked like she was enjoying herself, and was with lots of friends. But all the way home (near bedtime) she whinged and cried that she didn't want to go again, that it was boring and her legs hurt. I said tough luck, her choice is that or after school care, as friends have offered to pick her up and take her, and I'd rather she did gymnastics. Obviously if she still doesn't like it in a term I'll have to consider the after school club but I'd rather not, so I'm convincing myself she needs to give it a chance.