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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling a bit fragile (Long sorry) feel like a b**** now.

3 replies

brighteyedbushytailed · 19/09/2012 15:48

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1550667-I-probably-am-re-dad-lots-of-issues-sorry-long

this was the previous thread, re: ongoing issues.

I confronted him fairly recent about missing birthdays and he did seem genuinely shocked. All I got was 'don't think I don't care about you.' 'I didn't think you were upset' when its been over 10 years since me or my children's birthdays were acknowledged.
I thought , well why wouldn't I find it upsetting. I also said that he needed to respect the fact I find the religious talk upsetting amd makes me very, very uncomfortable. And just don't do it around me.
I am apparently bullying him and all he said was 'I'll try my best' but I know what that means and tbh it shouldn't be that hard.
He did say he didn't think he did it much but he does, so I felt a bit bad but when I said I really didn't like it and he had to take some responsibility for me feeling like that as I had to deal with a lot of crap that I had no choice in.

He said I he wants to talk in person which I'm hmm about as 1 I don't want that conversation infront of the kids. and he said he wants 'a more in depth discussion, he's had lots of concerns over the years? confused
As far I'm concerned I have said what I need to say and now he needs to think and make a choice.

He of course made me feel awful, my kids have a good time with him and I would feel awful If I said 'that's it'
to prevent drip feeding, I found out that he kicked off at my DM a little while back again, he has never been violent but intimidating.
If when he comes for my siblings she wants to go out but doesn't want to tell him where she is going he kicks off (bare in mind they are divorced)
my mum told him off but I am very angry I don't live at home anymore and I am so angry he would behave like this when he knows she lives alone. I don't think my DM wants me to say anything but I feel and other people say silence enables the behaviour but would me saying something make things worse?.

**sight what to do I would really appreciate some clarity I am in a fog of emotional guilt atm.
AIBU to said something or AIBU to feel bad afterwards.

OP posts:
thecatsminion · 19/09/2012 16:00

It sounds like he's not that bothered about making other people feel uncomfortable. So you mustn't feel bad that you've had to say something that means he feels awkward.

catwoo · 19/09/2012 16:21

Hmm well I think you need to accept that he is a religious zealot and as such will most likely see it as his duty to do all this preaching stuff.That is part of who he is and you are in effect trying to get him to change who he is.
Families can be weird/obnoxious/annoying - but any partner who is put off by your family isn't worth having.

brighteyedbushytailed · 19/09/2012 17:55

well actually he was for a while more pro seeing him than me , but the preaching has crept back in. And the business with my DM has really shocked him.
I would never allow a 'choose me or him' kind of scenario but he's fine with all my other family well he's okay with my dad but like I said the preaching is becoming much more aggressive and I can't expect someone to be comfortable when it offends me too.

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