to miss a former colleague?

[HoratiaWinwood]

Last night I had a really vivid dream that for some reason I went back to my old job.

At one point in the dream I spotted a particular colleague that I used to get on really well with (we moved jobs together, which is usually unheard-of in our field, and continued to work together daily). In the dream we immediately hugged and I said "oh X I miss you so much".

We see each other only very infrequently now that I am a SAHM, but now that I have considered the "missing" I've realised it's very strong and somewhat distressing.

WIBU to text to say "I miss you"...? Or is that a bit stalkerish?

It doesn't make a difference to our relationship, but this is a man. I have been on holiday with his longterm girlfriend (without him or my DH) and I have been happily married since before he and I met. Absolutely no romantic feelings!

Or am I just missing work generally and he is representative of the best of it?

This is in AIBU because I am happy to be told to get over myself and not stalk him.

Send him a cheery text. Why not? One he can happily show his wife. "Hello you, thought about work the other day and realised how long its been since we got together, hope you are all ok, love to wife's name lets catch up soon"

Don't see the harm in that.

Why not invite him and his girlfriend over for Sunday lunch, or for dinner, and tell them you miss their company?

I see absolutely nothing wrong in missing someone and telling them that

I have so many people I have lost touch with that I miss. If you have the opportunity to stay in touch then go for it

You miss him, if you get on as well you as you think, you should certainly be able to tell him that. I might be tempted to expand slightly to something like 'I really miss working/seeing you, we had such a good laugh, it's a shame we don't get much chance any more'

Then there is no chance of him (or any partner who may see it) reading more into it than necessary.

He probably feels similar and it could trigger you could meet up and reminisce, no need for the meetings to stay infrequent if you don't want. I have loads of male friends and see no harm in this.

I agree with racing, make a specific suggestion to meet up and propose a time and place.

very strong and somewhat distressing

Can I ask why you find it distressing, though?

Nothing wrong with that at all.
I had a lovely male friend at work, he was so much fun and we just clicked. Then he moved to the other side of the world :(
I still Skype him and talk to his wife if she's around, DP sometimes comes and says hello as well.

I think you miss work too?

Thanks all. It was distressing because I don't often miss people (I am more of an "out of sight, out of mind" person) and also giving up work has been a real headfuck confusing and difficult time. Getting in touch with my feelings (puke) is hard too.

I had wondered if what I really missed was stimulating adult company. I get adult company but it is very child-centred. It is nice to discuss grown-up topics in person sometimes. But I think it is genuinely him, and another man. We worked very closely together and I do miss that challenge.

If you wouldn't think it weird for your husbands to get a message out of the blue from female former colleagues, then I am reassured I won't look like a stalker. Meeting for a swift half weekday lunch with a few of the lads from work (why am I better friends with men than women on the whole?) is a thoroughly platonic thing to do, after all, not that the respective missuseses would be remotely interested.

Thinking out loud, one of the gfs and another former colleague now work together, within range of the others. Brain is churning. This must be doable...!

Thanks all for the kick up the arse.