Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

how do I convince dh I dont have feelings for ex?

21 replies

wondery · 19/09/2012 14:18

Been with my dh almost 13 years we have two kids one baby, one at school.

I ran into my ex of fifteen years ago while out shopping, made small talk as you do, Had a flustered moment because he looked really well and I got a bit hot under the collar. It was a fleeting moment. I'm perfectly happy in my marriage, I love dh very much. He knew I had ran into ex because I mentioned once I was home.
Happened to discuss this "moment" with a friend on the phone and dh over heard. He's now all moody and hurt.

I have no idea what to say to him. It was genuinely nice to see ex, we ended amicably but have nothing to do with each other at all. Just because I had A reaction to the fact that He's still quite nice looking, doesn't mean I have feelings. I react if the bin man is good looking and dh doesn't normally feel all threatened. Is he just being silly? Or aibu to h ave had a phwoar moment?

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 19/09/2012 14:23

What did you say to friend? I'd be a bit upset to be honest. Wouldn't you?

Original poster
wondery · 19/09/2012 14:26

I just said "oh i ran into ex the other day"
she said "oh really how was that?"
I said "a bit weird because I had a flustered moment when I saw him, he took me by surprise, good to see him though, he's still good looking."

OP posts:
cbeebiesinducedcoma · 19/09/2012 14:28

I think hes right tbh,

you were very insensitive to say it in earshot of your DH.

I think you should just apologize really you are in the wrong.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 19/09/2012 14:29

I would be really sad to hear DH talk like that. Have you thought about being in his shoes?

aldiwhore · 19/09/2012 14:30

I can understand your DH's reaction.

But I don't think you're a bitch... its just unfortunate he overheard, so you need to reassure him like crazy, and apologise.

kinkynagbag · 19/09/2012 14:31

oh dear.

i can understand why hes hurt,i would be to.
but it was an innoceant comment made by you to a friend. and just real bad luck he over heard it. if it was me, id tell him he was reading way to much into it and try to make him feel more special. cosy night in and reminding him why you love him and why you are with him.

Original poster
wondery · 19/09/2012 14:33

I didnt know he was listening. and has the moment wasn't significant I did not expect him to feel weird about it anyway. He comments on good looking people on the telly and in passing. Its just because its an ex.

I have apologised lots, but hes still in a mood

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 19/09/2012 14:33

Yeah, I think I'd be annoyed too!

I don't think you're a bitch, but I do think it was thoughtless and insensitive. I think I'd be a bit hurt to find that after being together for 13 years (which we have been) my husband got a bit flustered after running into the last girl he went out with before me!

Wouldn't you?

valiumredhead · 19/09/2012 14:34

said "a bit weird because I had a flustered moment when I saw him, he took me by surprise, good to see him though, he's still good looking."

In answer to you OP, try NOT saying things like the above!!

MonkeyRisotto · 19/09/2012 14:34

OP I guess he's not overheard you talking about him like that? I think I would be jealous too.

valiumredhead · 19/09/2012 14:34

Oh dear I messed up that bold!

TroublesomeEx · 19/09/2012 14:35

Or more that that, to over hear him telling one of his friends about it.

It probably just felt a bit disrespectful to him.

valiumredhead · 19/09/2012 14:35

Imagine if you heard him say that about an ex girlfriend.

squeakytoy · 19/09/2012 14:36

yabu .. try reversing the situation and imagine overhearing him on the phone to one of his mates saying he had seen an ex and she looked hot and it was good to see her..

I think a lot of grovelling may be needed here... Grin

Bellakins · 19/09/2012 14:37

I don't think what you said to your friend was anything to get upset about. I'm really not a jealous person though so maybe that's why. Your DH maybe just has a bit of wounded male pride going on. Give him an extra kiss and cuddle to reassure him!

Original poster
wondery · 19/09/2012 14:37

?Funnily enough folk girl that exact thing happened a few years back and I was jealous, but dont think I punished him for it, I think its natural to have a moment if you have had that connection with someone and you run into them by surprise.

OP posts:
sixlostmonkeys · 19/09/2012 14:38

Apologise like made. make no excuses whatsoever for what you said.
Don't put any of it on him ie - he shouldn't have been listening.
Tell him you would be just as upset as he is and apologise again. Then, apologise again.

tell him it was a stupid thing to say to your friend and you have no idea why you said it. then apologise.

WaitingForMe · 19/09/2012 15:24

I think OPs DH is being daft.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 19/09/2012 15:57

It woudo be worse if he couldn't care lees about how you felt. I think you were a bit insensitive. Just be extra nice to your husband, he'll get over it.

Dahlen · 19/09/2012 16:10

If your relationship is otherwise rock solid, this will prove to be a storm in a teacup. You need to reassure him for a while, he needs to get over it, and a few weeks down the line it will all be forgotten. It's not like you made plans to meet up with the X.

WorraLiberty · 19/09/2012 16:16

His feelings are hurt.

Give him time to get over it and in the meantime, make sure you make him feel loved and secure.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread