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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

regarding using the car

25 replies

Florabella · 19/09/2012 13:24

We have a family car that I now need to use every day to take my older DD to school (4 miles away, so can't walk). DH used to use it for work, but when DD started this new school he went to buy a different vehicle for work. He decided he wanted to get a camper van (he often carries a lot of stuff for work and he thought we could use it for weekends away too), which I was against for various reason, but he was insistent. We had a number of "discussion" about it, but he bought it anyway.

I made it very clear at the time that I didn't feel comfortable driving it and that I would be using our old car for the school runs and that he couldn't turn round and lumber me with a camper van. I'm not a very confident parker! Fast forward a few weeks and guess what? Both last week and today he wanted to take the car to work because it's more comfortable (it's a 60 mile drive each way for him, but he only normally does it twice a week). Had a major argument about it as I said no, that was never the deal and if he didn't want to drive it he should sell it and get something he does want to use.

He says I am selfish and totally inflexible (I do admit that I can be pretty inflexible!)

So AIBU?

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 19/09/2012 13:26

Nope YANBU! You specifically told him your didnt want a camper van but he went out and bought one anyway. Tough luck if it isnt as comfy - like you say he should sell it and get one he will use.

Stick to your guns!

Tweasels · 19/09/2012 13:28

I don't think you are. Not if you made it clear that you didn't want the camper van in the first place. And if you genuinely can't park the thing.

Different story if you are refusing to use it just to be difficult like I would

LaurieFairyCake · 19/09/2012 13:30

No, you were completely clear and he's a fucking idiot.

RubyFakeNails · 19/09/2012 13:33

YANBU.

Ridiculous that he would buy a vehicle that you can't really drive and he doesn't seem to want to use all the time.

Do these weekends away even happen?

Original poster
Florabella · 19/09/2012 13:33

Tweasels, it's a bit of both. I am nervous about parking it at the school because it gets really busy there. But also I was so against getting the flipping thing and I just knew that this would happen. He was determined that he was going to get it no matter what I said, so he did. I don't see why I should then have to use it (because as soon as he gets me to use it once, you can guarantee this will happen every time).

Also I don't want the hassle of moving three heavy car seats constantly between two vehicles (have to take 3 kids on school run)

(I am a stubborn old mule thought, I know!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Florabella · 19/09/2012 13:34

Nope, no weekends away yet. I hate camping which is another reason I said it was stupid to get one!

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 19/09/2012 13:40

Yanbu, why should you have the discomfort and inconvenience of swapping round car seats just because he made a foolish and impractical choice?

Fwiw, our old T25 had the most comfortable seats ever i still preferred my classic bug Depending on what you've got, changing the front seats is pretty simple...

PurplePidjin · 19/09/2012 13:41

Are you even named on the insurance?

CheeseandPickledOnion · 19/09/2012 13:42

YANBU. You were clear up front, he ignored and did what he wanted. Now he can deal with the fall out.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 19/09/2012 13:42

YANBU it soundalike he's being an arse ridiculous!

randomfemale · 19/09/2012 13:46

YANBU this is just the sort of thing my DH would do - he makes crap decisions, has a moan and then it's me who ends up being the one who is put out and inconvenienced. Stick to your guns and if necessary hide the car keys!

Tweasels · 19/09/2012 13:51

Nope YANBU. The car seat thing alone would do it for me. You take your children to school in the car you're comfortable in without having to keep moving seats and tell him to go to work in his midlife crisis mobile campervan.

My DH once wanted a pick up truck............idiot.

giantosprey · 19/09/2012 14:07

Absolutely right. Stand your ground.

EldritchCleavage · 19/09/2012 14:09

He chose not to compromise on the purchase, now he wants you to compromise on the use of it. Hmmn. YANBU.

Original poster
Florabella · 19/09/2012 14:09

Thank you!

I am on the insurance and have driven it as we had to go to Scotland in it when there was something wrong with the car. It was ok, but I didn't have to park it then which is my real issue.

I know that sometimes I am uncompromising and inflexible, so glad to hear I'm not being unreasonable this time.

DH has now just gone to work in the campervan without even saying goodbye, so obviously sulking! I have a feeling our conversation may be resumed when he gets home.

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 19/09/2012 14:26

Just keep saying 'Am I bovvered though?' until he gives up.

PurplePidjin · 19/09/2012 14:28

Him using the car inconveniences 4 people, him using his van inconveniences 1.

Majority rules :o

eurochick · 19/09/2012 14:31

YANBU. He was an idiot to buy the thing by the sounds of it.

mummymeister · 19/09/2012 14:31

camper vans are really inefficient in terms of petrol consumption and are a bit of a boys and their toys purchase. my guess is your dh around 40? if you add up what it cost to insure and run and the number of times it will actually be used for camping you will find that it is miles cheaper to buy a car and hire a camper when you want one. you need to tell him this. his vehicle of choice he can be the one to use it. cant see anyone on MN disagreeing with you!

MothershipG · 19/09/2012 14:38

What Eldritch said, he wouldn't compromise but you have to????

DontmindifIdo · 19/09/2012 14:39

If he does't want to drive the campervan to work, and you have always maintained that you wouldn't drive it, then it's got to be sold and a second sensisble car bought. You can always hire a campervan for holidays.

Someone has to have a bad journey because one of the two cars available is a campervan, I think it's only fair that the person put out is the person who wanted the campervan, not the person who didn't.

PurplePidjin · 19/09/2012 14:40

Mummymeister, dp is a veedub fanatic and wouldn't disagree with the op either!

What kind of camper is it, Florabella? A diesel t5/Transit etc is pretty fuel efficient and (short wheel based, anyway) not much bigger than a 7 seater car. The height is deceptive, and rear visibility atrocious, but deceptively easy to park don't tell dh that though :)

I wouldn't fancy camping a young family of 5 in one, though, and that's as a confirmed camper both tent and van. We're expecting pfb, who will be 5 months at the start of the first car show of the year, and have ditched the beloved van in favour of hiring a nice big coach-built you can stand up in!

JustSpiro · 19/09/2012 14:41

YANBU - I'd love a camper van personally, but I certainly wouldn't want to take it on the school run.

Your DH chose it, against your wishes, he lives with the consequences.

whyme2 · 19/09/2012 14:45

This reminds me of something similar my dh did with the purchase of a motorbike. He would use it for work, save money, quicker blah blah blah. He used it consistently for about 2 months. Then lots of excuses about why he had to have the car. It used to drive me potty walking to school three times a day whilst his bike sat there on the drive because he had the car. Even now it still irks me somewhat.

Now we have neither car nor bike. Even all round I suppose.

NervousAt20 · 19/09/2012 14:47

No YANBU you were clear from the start that you didn't want it and you wouldn't use it so he brought it anyway knowing you wouldn't drive it and he would have to for work so it's tough luck and he's own fault

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