...to be upset that my friends are too busy to see me but not to ask for legal advice

[Phaedra11]

I'm not a solicitor but I work for an organisation which gives legal advice. I've recently had times with three different friends where I hadn't seen them for a while and they'd said they were too busy or tired to meet up but then they rang wanting to pick my brains on employment/child maintenance/etc issues.

When it happened with my first friend I didn't think too much of it. With the second friend I was a bit pissed off and this time am really quite upset, mainly because I think of this friend as probably my closest.

To be fair, we all have less time to meet up now than in the past. Our children are older and we're working longer hours. I could understand that they were tired and busy. But it rankles when I get these phone calls with a polite "and anyway how are you" at the end.

I genuinely don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not in being upset by this. I had a period at school of being bullied and friendless and have had a bit of an issue with friendship ever since. I would really like to know what others think.

Then you have to be strong. Only you can determine the value you put on yourself and your time.

Also you don't have to answer the phone or emails, maybe go off radar for a week or too and see what happens.

YANBU -

YANBU to be upset about it at all. I think it's a normal reaction, but that you are probably taking it too personally.

I am terrible at keeping in touch with people, I'm always full of intentions to be the one to phone first or whatever, and I do love my firiends dearly. But sometimes I need a reason or a kick up the butt to phone. Maybe these friends are simelar and it's not that they think any less of you or don't want to be in touch with you, it's just that they hadn't got round to calling just for the sake of it.

I have friends and neighbours who ask for legal help and I give it freely. That's what friends are for. Do you ask them for anything? To borrow something perhaps? Perhaps not.

Anyway, I find that If I give freely, I gain in other ways because others, unconnected, will offer to do something for me if they know I can't do it, or tell me something nice or a stranger will pick up something that I've dropped. I had a trip abroad earlier this year and people were fighting between themselves getting together to help with my luggage on the carousel. There's no need to be upset. Can't you see that you are needed?

YABU and selling yourself a bit short. A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Theres a difference between helping people and being used though.

YANBU. You can be "busy" when they phone!!