To be in tears

[GoldShip]

And blocked this person off Facebook

Background: my friend tried to hang himself last year. He was found and taken to the hospital. He was resuscitated. He had a serious lack of oxygen, and is now brain damaged. He has no quality of life, needs around the clock care. I went seeing him once and I can't go back. He didn't want to live when he was a healthy young lad, he certainly wouldn't want to live now.
I haven't gone back because I just can't cope seeing him like this.

However a few people I know have been visiting him and took loads of photos of them and him. They've plastered them all over Facebook. He doesn't even realise any of them are even there. I just burst into tears. He shouldn't be like that. I'm so angry and sad for him.

I've blocked all the people because I don't want to see these photos. Now I've had messages off others saying why have you blocked so and so. Its out of order.

Am I?

I'llnjust add that in no way am I having a go because they visited him! I'm glad people are going.

Initially I assumed that they were posting the pictures in malice, however that seems not to be the case.

Since I often post a photo without a caption, it wouldn't occur to me to do so simply because the photo is of a now disabled friend. They're still my friend right?

If there was even a hint of malice I'd say you were NBU, but actually in this context I think you are BU.

Thanks everyone for your opinions x

I can see your point completely but agree that blocking your friends is OTT. Since you didn't know you could just block their feed/ pictures or hide what they're posting, then I suggest you (or your DP) sort it out so that they're unblocked and you just hide the distressing parts.

In fairness to your friends, I think you're assuming a bit too much that they're just doing it for show - some of them may be, but some of them may genuinely care about your friend as well.

Be generous to them until/unless you know for sure that they're just showboating.

And very sorry that your friend is in that position, by the way. :(

Sadly a lot of people use Facebook to use somebody else's misfortune to deflect attention onto themselves.

I think that posting pictures like this on Facebook is exploitative and wrong. I would also block anyone who is that callous.

I think that you are entirely justified in blocking this person, and by calling you a 'tight bitch' for doing so really emphasises the sort of nasty person they are.

I also agree with markjohnson above.

OP I hope that you're OK.

Fact is, Facebook is a load of crap and gets people so worked up over nothing. So you blocked them. Who cares? You have the right to choose what you look at. Everyone acts like getting blocked is some kind of terrible ordeal. Its just a website.

I can completely see why the pics upset you. And why you dont visit.

But your friend probably misses you. And even if you cry a few times I think he would much rather prefer you were there. Can you try to go see him?

Taking photos at a grave is weird. Anyone who has to make a public show of paying their respects shouldnt bother IMO.

If your friend has no response what so ever to stimuli, then i would have thought that eventually the family will be offered options.

That depends on how right the person was that he did not know that you where there, though.

We know that people put into coma's and who have brain injury, still respond to touch and that this lowers their blood pressure, highers their immune system etc.

If you think that he shouldn't be having photos taken, then all the more reason to get back involved.

Hospitals are big on safeguarding the rights of patients, so i would be surprised that this hasn't been discussed by his key worker with his family and care team.

In truth you don't know what is happening because you are not visiting.

Block them, that is your right, but it is unfair to question their motives and his care, without directly asking those providing it and listening to the reasoning behind it.

You will have to accept that without good reason, he won't be allowed to die

I know what is happening, I speak to his sister.

And this wasn't above questioning their motives. It was about am I unreasonable for blocking them and then getting abuse for it.

And I have accepted that he won't be allowed to die because we live in a world where he will be get alive for the family's sake. Not for his own.

FWIW GoldShip I am pro euthanasia.

But I dont want to open that can of worms. I just can sense that you are angry at the injustice of his situation and I dont think you are unreasonable for that!

YANBU for blocking them, they shouldn't be giving you abuse,but in these situations, people direct their anger at who they can, as unfair as that is.

You are all seeing things differently, so it is best to not see the photos and distance yourself.

How on earth do they know you've blocked them?

Thanks for your input everyone! Don't want to be crying an gettig worked up... It's my 21st tomorrow!

I will take on board what people have said about visiting him though. Even though I'm not happy about the situation doesn't mean I shouldnt see my friend. If it upsets me it upsets me. No point wallowing in my own sadness when it's him who is suffering.

YANBU in being upset over this sad situation and I can understand why you don't want to see pictures of your friend. However, the friends that have posted the pictures will be equally upset and, rightly or wrongly, perhaps this helps them cope. So rather than blocking the people posting the pictures it would probably be better to just block the pictures. Because while I don't think it is ever acceptable to be insulting and send messages like the ones you've received, the whole situation is very emotional and in these circumstances, people don't always behave appropriately.

You can unblock people, by the way but whether you want to do so is up to you.

I understand where you're coming from OP.

My friend "A" had a serious accident which left her in a coma. For days we didn't know if she would make it.

Another friend created a website and started posting lots of details about friend A "to let all her friends and family know how she's doing".

I was furious. I thought she had no right to post such personal details on the internet. She encouraged others to leave posts addressed to A which they did, thinking that A would read them or have them read to her.

A's mom was furious too.

After A came out of the coma she was (and still is) severely handicapped. Friend "B" continued to post personal information about A until A's mom asked me to post on the website thanking everyone for their messages but saying she would prefer messages to be addressed to A's email rather than posted on a public website as she did not want A to be discussed on the internet in this way.

I never spoke to B again.

I did continue to see A (until she moved back home overseas). Every visit was the most painful experience but I forced myself to go for her sake. She was so unhappy and I didn't want to add to that by stopping seeing her. I would then come home and cry my eyes out