Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

not to cave to the preasure or am i being unfair to dd1?

49 replies

unsureunderneath · 17/09/2012 20:29

Dd1 has school meals, she has just started reception. I'm not 100% happy about this. I worry about how processed they are and how much rubbish they contain.

However h left in June forcing me to quit work due to childcare issues, money is tight and we qualify for free school meals. So it is a help financially.

But at home I cook from scratch, we rarely eat anything processed and we drink water.

I've kept her on the free meals as I thought even if she went onto packed lunches, peer pressure would probably mean she wouldn't be happy for long with the lunches I was sending in and I would probably end up being asked to buy things like drives, making the lunchbox not much healthier in the long run.

Dd1 came home from school today, asking to take money in for juice. She has just been drinking water but she says everyone has juice so AIBU to keep her on the water, because its cheaper and healthier?

Will she be picked put as the poor kid who can't afford juice? Its juice cartoons and I'm sure its full of sugar and I don't really want her drinking it.

AIBU to have told her the juice is bad for her teeth?

OP posts:

Original poster

unsureunderneath · 17/09/2012 21:18

I have no worries about her being scared to try new things, she would happily take a free juice if it was offered at school.

The school has been awarded an healthy eating award, or whatever it's called.

OP posts:

Mumsyblouse · 17/09/2012 21:20

I just wonder if you are focusing on this as an issue, whereas things might be quite stressful at home, with a daughter just starting school (a proud but nerve-wracking moment in any parents life) and your husband just having left.

It makes complete sense for you to use free school meals, that's the point of them, and there's no reason to think they are complete rubbish, not at the primary stage at least. It would be ridiculous to start paying out for, and preparing, packed lunches unless you can afford really healthy stuff (which is always more expensive, like naice ham, or organic chicken or decent bread).

I also think you are sweating the small stuff, once they get into secondary school, they may spend their £££ on two bars of chocolate and a packet of crisps like I did for a year, and I was still slim and healthy.

I really don't think this is something to feel guilty about.

Hopeforever · 17/09/2012 21:23

It's 5 meals a week out of 21. They are free. Use the saved money to buy healthy food for the other 16

Suprised they are offering juice as a paid for extra. I'd check that out with the school.

Our local school offers the chance for parents to come in and see the food that is served.

MolotovBomb · 17/09/2012 21:28

I understand that your concern is not about your child trying new things (perhaps I could have expressed this better?) but this is how your 4 or 5yo might interpret it.

I agree that these seem like incredibly stressful times for you and that you are sweating the small stuff.

If your DDs school is part of the 'Healthy Schools' regime, the likelihood is that she'll be getting a good meal at school. Try not to fret too much x

Original poster

unsureunderneath · 17/09/2012 21:40

Maybe I am overthinkong it. I just want to do the beat I can for them. Having spent the last four years feeding her healthily I don't want to throw all it away just because its the easy option.

I need to get a grip don't I? I'll let it go.

OP posts:

MolotovBomb · 17/09/2012 21:47

By all means, keep your eye on her nutrition/what she's eating. You've done a wonderful job so far, no doubt. But don't make it stressful for yourself and your DD x

Bigwheel · 17/09/2012 23:38

Yabu. My 5 year old ds has school dinners. Prepared on site and parents were invited to a taster evening, they were lovely! I'm also surprised you have to pay for juice, I think my ds drinks water but juice 5 times a week wouldn't bother me. Have you googled your local councils webpage? Ours have all their school dinners 'timetable' and a few of the recipes they use on it. Why pay for packed lunch if you get the dinners free? Most kids who have packed lunch have them because they are fussy with food anyway, so your dd will probably stand out a mile with her carrot sticks :-)

WorraLiberty · 17/09/2012 23:45

Goodness it's just a small drink of juice...perfectly acceptable as part of a healthy diet.

At the risk of sounding like an old bore "Everything in moderation" is the key.

RaisinDEtre · 17/09/2012 23:46

ouch bigwheel

RedDevilBattery · 17/09/2012 23:54

I would say keep her on water. If she complains that she is being picked on as the odd one out, you could let her have juice sometimes. With the extra pound you save a week, you could increase her pocket money as an incentive (but not allow her to spend it on sweets).

ThreadWatcher · 18/09/2012 00:01

ouch bigwheel

and ditto what reddevilbattery said.

My dc school meals were rubbish - which is why tbf even though they were entitled to them they took sandwiches.

MmeLindor · 18/09/2012 00:02

I have been pretty impressed with our school meals. They do cook on site, but I don't think that reheated food is bad anyway, and they will chose the menu to suit what can be reheated.

Does she get a choice of meal? Our school does 3 different main course - meat, fish/chicken or veggie. Dessert is most often fruit, occasionally they get pudding or cake. The meals are things like spag bol, shepherds pie, chicken fajitas, maccaroni cheese...

About once a week they get something like pizza or burgers with chips.

I would probably give in on the juice so that she doesn't feel left out. Maybe she could have juice some days and water other days - that way she can say, 'Oh, I don't fancy juice today, I will have water instead'.

Bigwheel · 18/09/2012 00:06

It wasn't meant to be an 'ouch' and the carot stick thing was said in Humour, so sorry if I offended. However most parents from my ds class do admit that there children wouldn't eat the school dinners as in their own words 'they are fussy eaters'. I think as they get Older most school kids want packed lunches to be honest as it becomes the norm, but if they are happy having school dinners why change it, especially if parents aren't paying for them.

lovebunny · 18/09/2012 00:07

let her fit in with her peers where she can. she'll miss out on enough. i know, i was a single parent from when my daughter was four.

DaveMccave · 18/09/2012 00:08

I have been in a similar situation. I am a single parent student and qualify for free school meals. I wasn't happy that sweetener laden chemical filled squash was freely available to my daughter, and wasn't happy with the menu. (There is a healthy option each day, but also a 'snack menu' which is hot dogs and other such crap. I discussed with the teacher and she persuaded me to give it a go, and I could provide my own drinks, so I sent her in with a fruit smoothie or organic apple juice each day which I felt much happier about. There were lots of occasions where she forgot to take her own drink to the cafeteria though, and the teacher would forget too.

There was a point where I didn't qualify for free school meals last term , and I switched to packed lunches and realised I felt much happier having control over what she was eating so I haven't accepted the free school meals this term even though my income is barely existent at the moment, it's still been possible. She hasn't complained about not having biscuits and crisps like the other kids at all, although I'm aware she might when she gets older. If your not happy with the nutrition content of the food, try packed lunches, it's cheaper than you think. Having tried both, I think it's worth the short fall.

WorraLiberty · 18/09/2012 00:14

Are you sure she only wants the juice so she can fit in with her peers?

I would have assumed she's sick to death of water if it's the only drink she has day in and day out.

In the same way she'd be sick to death of juice if that was the only drink she had day in and day out.

What's wrong with a bit of variety?

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 18/09/2012 00:27

Op I cook as you do, I dont use jars etc. My dd qualifies for free school meals, however the only meals she really enjoys or will have are the roasts or fresh vegie options and curry, hates fish and proccesed foods etc, she hates the pasta bakes as she says they are cold a yucky. I must say thaty I do insist she has dinners if I know she likes them and will give her a packed lunch if I know it is something she will definatly not enjoy or eat and also sometimes in the warm weather as she likes to eat outside and only packed lunch obviously can eat outside. I must say her packed lunches consist of foods I already have in the house so I dont feel the extra cost.

I would not give her the money to buy juice if Im honest. I would fill up a small bottle of juice or squash if she preferes and I can tell you even though she insists not all the children are buying juice.

If she is happy with the dinners dont change them to packed lunches. They will be healthy and nutritious enough even if they are re heated and espcialy as you are cooking home cooked meals.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 18/09/2012 00:33

also to add my dd has a fairly healthy packed lunch and she doesnt mind, it is what she likes and what she is used to eating regardless of what others have.

I hear myself saying to dd an awfull lot "all families and all parents do things differently" and "im not x's mum" or "well you are nlot X" she accepts that as do nearly all children, because all parents and all families face "peer preasure", it is only preasure if you allow it be. my mum always said "if X pushed themselfs under a bus would you want to aswell?" hmm "no".

dont worry about what others do and what others will think, do what you as her parent thinks is the right thing for you and your dd.

ThreadWatcher · 18/09/2012 00:36

We were until very recently a "lashings of aspertame squash" household.
I stopped buying it.
They moaned.
Now if there is squash available mine reach for a glass and head for a tap.
So even when they have the option of squash they are choosing water!

Morloth · 18/09/2012 00:49

Maybe give her money for juice a couple of times a week?

DS1 assures me that everyone else orders their lunch everyday and it isn't fair that he only gets to one day a week.

Tough luck.

Bonsoir · 18/09/2012 01:26

I don't think children should drink juice with meals ever, apart from at breakfast time when one glass is OK to get a little sugar rush in the morning to get the day started.

Original poster

unsureunderneath · 18/09/2012 17:25

She hasn't mentioned juice today so maybe, for the atm at least, she has accepted she is having water because its healthier.

Lovebunny - Why is she going to miss put because I am a single parent? I find that quite hurtful. I didn't plan for her to be part of a single parent family but now that she is, I will still do my best foe her.

OP posts:

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 18/09/2012 17:37

Could you send her with 50/50 pure fruit juice and water from home in a sports bottle once, maybe just as a Friday treat - that way it costs you much less (assuming you buy some fruit juice as part of your weekly shop anyway of course) and is a treat rather than what she comes to expect every day.

My daughter's school doesn't allow kids to drink anything but water as there is no chance to brush their teeth til they get home... The kids all accept that although at home every mother seems to give their kids apple juice mixed with water from weaning on. The school kids all take a "snack box" (usually bread and cheese and a bit of fruit type thing) but not lunch, as they come home at lunch time (overseas) so it is for drinking through the school day and at 10am break time.

My kids are allowed to help themselves to fruit juice, milk or water whenever they want at home and at least 75% of the time they get themselves water, so I don't think its either or if you allow choice.

MummytoKatie · 18/09/2012 19:53

I agree with the other posters who suggested once a week. Aside from anything else - a treat is only a treat if you don't get it very much. Let it be a treat!

Flip

1 2