short term loan to adult son

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A bit of background ,my early 20's son ,a few months ago came home after a contract which he earned good money , I helped pay for what he needed to get there eg passport money etc and he paid me back when he came home.

Hes stayed with us since, he has used his money since then to fund what he needs,Ive bought food and paid bills , he has helped out occasionally eg £10 here and there but no rent , he also lent me £150 for something i needed. Weve agreed that he need not pay anything for food for the next couple of months and i wouldnt give him back the 150 , and paid for occasional bits aswell ,
I work pt (single mum one income )have a preschooler and live pretty much from week to week , he has now run out of money,I have been saying for weeks he needed to sign on .
Last week he needed to get to an interview so i gave him the money and we were very short to pay what needed ,but for an interview its worth it.
End of last week he has now signed on and had another interview and expected me to lend him the money , he has claimed travel expenses so will be given the money on wed , I agreed to lend him the money as long as he gives me it back on wed as i cant afford not to have it back, he now says that he needs the travel money thats being refunded as hes waiting for jobseekers to come through .
Ive explained that i will buy food but i really need that money as agreed ,or i couldnt have afforded it , in difficult situation at the mo as tax credits are assessing claim and im not getting full amount till sorted , so struggling , am i being petty to insist on him giving me the money? its honestly all ill have til fri need food petrol etc , We had a row , the money i owed him by the way averaged out that he would pay less than 15 20 a week , which barely covers food so i have helped him out, I feel he should honour our arrangement . its the little one bday too this week so had to be a choice of a present for him or the interview for older son , will be celebrating this weekend instead so he will get card on bday and small present at weekend , as all i can at the mo . sorry for waffling any advice will be appreciated

YANBU of that's what you agreed and you need to money so you can all eat then he should give it you back, if he has another interview then maybe he needs to go to job seekers and tell them he can't get there or walk to it

This was for the second interview last week , I had already said to him that he could pay me for he first one when he gets more money but the second one in less than a week was just too much hence the arrangement and claiming , he got the job starts november so wont be claiming for long i dont think he realises that im short already and how much a household costs to run especially with an extra adult

Oh okay sonic you've already gave him the money for the 1st and left yourself short then helped him again he deffo has to give you the money back as agreed! Try and explain to him that keeping a house and food ect is more expensive then he realises and if he doesn't give it you back then there's no money for food so he will have to starve. He's BVU for trying to change the agreement

hes just frustrating as he could have signed on in may , but hes prob fed up with me saying i told you so , i know i couldnt help it !Hes an adult but sometimes still thinks like a teenager .:(

his opinion is that if he couldnt have asked for travel expenses to be refunded i prob would have helped him anyway so whats the problem !!(angry)

I think im probably upset that he doesnt realise how skint i am its littlemans birthday , mines tomoro and tax credits after 5 weeks are no closer to sorting money they owe me so all of it together is driving me nuts

YANBU to expect him to realise how difficult it is financially for you and to appreciate and respect your help by paying you back as agreed. However, I would do the same as you for any of my children regardless of age if i could help them as long as they show the respect back and pay back as agreed.

i agree ,thankyou its the respect thing , i do my bit and he should appreciate it easy in my book, why does he think differently ?

If he couldn't have asked for travel expenses back then you probably would of helped him the first time but doesn't sound like you could of the second time

It's so difficult knowing when to lend, when to give and when to say no.

I've got it wrong so many times, but have now learnt that if I give money, then it's a gift and never refer to it again, even in an argument over money. If I loan DD who is now older than your DS, I set out the term and email them to her even though she is in the same house!

The last loan I gave her when she was out of work I said that I expected a monthly direct debit to be set up into my account 6 weeks after she started work to come out of her second monthly pay packet. I did not specify how much as that depended in her income.

If I say no, I don't always explain, but I have written down all my income and outgoings so she can see that she can't expect as we don't have more than we need.

From another thread it seems that an average weekly spend on food is £15-20 a week, more for teenage boys.