To tell this man to stick it.

[FoxtrotFoxtrotSierra]

I'm on a residents' committee I don't want to be on, but as a drip haven't managed to extricate myself yet. Am working on it.

Today, in my capacity as a committee member, I've had to deal with the removal of a discarded syringe on our premises. It's not a nice thing to deal with, particularly around one's home, but I have sorted out the council coming to sort it out and then emailed the rest of the committee to keep them informed. My email included the following paragraph:

Given that the immediate issue of it's removal is in hand, it does bring to light potential antisocial behaviour by our residents or their guests. Whilst there are a number of legal reasons someone may be using syringes, there are also a number of illegal ones. This notwithstanding, it is particularly poor form not to highlight the loss of such an item so we can arrange for its removal. I do think that notice should go to all residents stating that this is entirely unacceptable behaviour, and highlighting their duty of care to other residents and those who carry out works for us here.

To which one of the power crazed dickheads other members responded that "We don't know the circumstances of the event and should be mindful of this in our communication" - didn't I say that we didn't know how it got there but need to ask people to be aware of such losses?

Frankly I want to tell him to shove the committee up his arse. AIBU?

That's not to say he's not a powercrazed dickhead, - just that in this instance what he has said is not unreasonable.

"Conflicting commitments" - nuff said

He's a powercrazed dickhead for many reasons, not this one in particular - and I don't think he is being powercrazed about this, I felt he rephrased what I said (I said it could be for numerous reasons, though in a slightly more pompous way) so felt patronised - again history is the issue here.

God, I need to get out more.

You just need to say "Due to other committments, I shall be resigning from the commitee on xxx date". Simple as that.

Just say you're busy doing other things and as of next month you will be stepping down. Thank you for your support etc.

Easy.

yep, what squeaky said

Committees are sanity-sucking set-ups. Meant to be done on a very temporary basis eg. to look good on a CV or meet people when moving to a new area (which was my idea with the PTA)

they have a shelf life...some much shorter than others

Fuckit. I sent an angry response to him (which I did regret) and he's come back saying he's arranging his wife's funeral. Now I feel dreadful. But also like he's been unfair to me.

Bugger.

oh dear

oh gawd.

You weren't to know of course.

Never been a better time to resign though.

I actually thought your language was quite restrained.

I think he was correct-you put "residents or guests"-might not have been.

This:
People who inject prescribed medication are unlikely to discard syringes outdoors on purpose.
People who inject street drugs are not too likely to care about being bollocked for being a litterbug.

I can't believe you wasted the council's time with this; I think youre the one who's being OTT! Just pick it up by the non-pointy end, put it in a tupperware box/plastic takeaway container/empty fabric conditioner bottle and bin it. As for the committee, just email them saying "I will be stepping down from the committee at the end of this month due to time pressures".

Ooh. Grovelling apology time, OP. And resign.

Do you really think I should apologise? I didn't know - how could I - and for him to use it as a retort when he'd been snotty in an email (and checked up on something behind my back this morning, so obviously does have time) seems a little unnecessary and unkind tbh.

I assume it's the grief acting, but it's not kind behaviour on his part.

Why did you feel it necessary to send an angry response?

He made a perfectly valid point.

Apologise for that & resign/step down.

TBH, I don´t know why your initial email wasn´t just a heads up at what had been found.

I think you are overthinking it

I think you are too involved, and getting annoyed about the small stuff

he has lost his wife

you want (need) to leave the committee

I would send him a (personal) short message to say you are sorry about what he is going through right now and leave it at that

And then a general mail to say you are stepping down on X date, due to family reasons/time constraints etc and thanking everyone for all their hard work and support

just extricate yourself, it's not wurf it

Step down. Sorry, but your email was snotty and you're not behaving well.

So you were thinking of sending all residents a communication saying "Please could everyone ensure that all communal doors are kept locked to prevent anyone entering and trespassing, and when taking rubbish out, take care that nothing from the bags spills into communal areas or is cleaned up immediately." but what you told your fellow committee members you proposed to say was something along the lines of "This is entirely unacceptable behaviour and I would like to highlight to you that you have a duty of care to other residents and those who do work for us on the premises".

Surely you can see that those are very different messages to be giving, in tone if not in intent? If I thought someone was suggesting sending out the second message then I'd have tried to head her off from doing it as well.

Re getting off the committee, just send the chairperson a letter saying "I've found I have more demanda on my time than I anticipated when I took on this role, and I am conscious that I'm not really able to give it the attention it deserves at the moment. Please accept this letter as my resignation from the committee with immediate effect. [something about wishing them all well]"

Your only crime was your poncy sounding email IMO.

He's arranging his wifes funeral and you're thinking he's being unkind Give up the committee and apologise and maybe ask him if he needs anything etc, drop something round.

Yes, Casey, I can see the difference between the two and was just suggesting that something be sent out - that isn't something that I deal with (for obvious reasons, I guess, seeing as I'm a bit snooty) - so I wouldn't have been involved in the message, just suggesting that there was some content on it.

And ye,s, Worked, I think he's being unkind. I didn't know what had happened, how could I? And he was snotty about something (like he normally is) and when challenged came back with his wife dying, which if I'd known I would have cut him some slack. It's not kind to use such a thing as a weapon - now I feel a total dick and like I can't do anything to make it up to him.

And yes, LadyClarice, I know I'm not behaving well, but in my defence there is a lot of history that has preceded today, which I'll not bore you with, which makes this a difficult group of people to deal with. Hence the wanting to step down.

OP, sorry, I was rather brusque wasn't I? I thought there must have been some history; there seems to be a bit of background seething going on.

I really only meant to say that the group/situation is clearly winding you up and that's coming out in the way you communicate with them, so stepping down might be more healthy and sensible.

Sorry again.

No need to apologise - I appreciated the frankness.

Am really upset about upsetting him now (how ridiculous) but I really didn't know about his wife. And I feel he ambushed me with the information.

He did ambush you a bit, and it was emotional blackmail, whether he meant it or not.

I agree with the poster who said just send him a short calm email saying you're very sorry about his wife and offering condolences.

Where was he snotty?