to not want my dp to tell me to f**k off!

[kaylasmum]

maybe i'm just being oversensitive but i've told my dp that i hate being told to f off. Whenever we have an arguement he usually at some point says this to me, sometimes in front of the kids! i hate it, i find it really degrading and have told him many times not to do it as it upsets me. He apologises and says he won't do it again, but always does. sometimes i even think i want to leave him because of it.

It's not a very intelligent way for him to express himself, is it?

In saying that, though, in the heat of an argument all sorts of things are said that wouldn't be under normal circumstances.

YANBU - he shouldn't be swearing at you in front of your kids.

What would happen if you said it to him? I bet he'd hate it. It's rude and disrespectful - why on earth does he think it's ok to say it to you? If his apologies had ever been genuine, he wouldn't have done it again. He just assumes he can tell you to fuck off, say a perfunctory "oh sorry" and you'll get over it. It's dismissive of your feelings, and it's not good for the children to think it's ok for their mum to be treated so rudely, by anyone, let alone by their father!
He is bullying you in a way, because it belittles and undermines you as his equal partner iyswim, and is also reinforcing that to the children :(

It is v rude and even if it wasn't, you don't like it and you have explained this and specifically asked him not to. And he continues. It's not good. And it's the sort of thing that rubs away the lining of partnerships.

Is he respectful other times?

How often are you arguing?

thanks for the replies. Normally we don't swear and especially not in front of the kids but when he gets annoyed he does. I don't think there's any excuse for it. I think he does it on purpose now because he knows it upsets me. I do feel that he does'nt respect me at all and i don't want my kids to think that its ok to speak in this way to others.

dysfunctionalme - he is respectful at other times but he can be really nasty when we argue. And you're right about it having an effect on the relations hip, most of the time i find it difficult just to be civil to him because of the way he is. we don't have lots of major arguements but we do bicker quite a lot. I'm just fed up with it tbh.

Kaylas - my DH is exactly the same. Nice as pie most of the time but when we argue (which is very rare) his answer to everything is if you dont like it then fuck off....it drives me mad and one day I might just take him up on it!!

The most troubling part of what you describe is that he is not interested in changing. Saying he will, then carrying on as before is utterly disrepectful and I imagine you are left feel v disheartened.

Truly, this is the sort of thing that breaks up relationships. You have to nut out the small stuff, it's the glue that keeps you together.

As to how... hmmm are you interested in doing any relationship counselling?

i've looked into counselling but it is very expensive and there is a long waiting list. i honestly think if i could walk away i would. it makes me really sad and definately disheartened.

At the point we end up telling each other to fuck off is the point we usually burst out laughing and make up

It sounds like there are other issues though OP to get so upset about swearing.

YADNBU. It's not acceptable.