To abhor laypersons who think they're 'experts' and have solutions to child development! If it were that bloody easy they'd selling degrees on bloody Amazon!!!

[MrsBramStoker]

Just got off the phone to my mother. Ok she 'means well' but told me that I wasnt helping my twins boys (identical, 2.3 YO) language delay as I was 'saying the words for them and filling on the gaps for them' and thus they not motivated to speak!!!

At the mo, they point and babble to communicate but I say the words for them as I thought it was called 'modelling'!!! (have a background in linguistics) I could be there all bloody year until they said 'car' or 'grapes' or whatever!

Had another friend/work colleague tell me to try doing some exercises like blowing raspberries, etc to 'strengthen up their speech muscles'. I can tell you I have and anyway, they're way past that stage.

I talk to them as much as I can, I read a book every night/do book sharing, I ask them questions, etc. I work in the area of linguistics/second language acquisition and literacy so feel I'm doing as much as I can from a 'layperson' as I can.

I'm actually close to tears as what my mother says sounds like code for 'you're kind of to blame/must try harder!'

They're referred to see a SALT hopefully in Oct but am so worried about what she'll say.

Am just pissed off now that people from the outside looking in think they have the solution.

Another thing for us mothers to feel guilty about

I'd stay away from the Relationships board then if I were you

Apologies for bad spelling and angry tone....

Yanbu. Unwanted and unqualified advice is a pain in the arse.

Isnt it quite common for twins to have speech delay? Something about them developing their 'own language' between one another first.

Is that BS?

I know that happene with my friends twins and Im sure Ive heard someone else mention it.

everyone has an opinion about parenting!

FWIW, I was told that I talked for dd1 (language disorder), and that I didn't let her get a word in, and that I didn't talk to her enough, and that her language was idiosyncratic because I red her nonsense rhymes, and that she would take a long while to talk if I kept singing to her constantly (sh responded better to songs than speech), and so on.

it is all infuriating, and constant (I was told all of the above by professionals, btw)

modelling is good. modelling is great.

you are doing a good job.

I thought twins were typically delayed with their speech too. Surely it can't just be a coincidence, is every other parent of twins causing their speech delay too!?!

My DS has a speech delay due to ASD but before his dx I had subtle comments about it being my fault. "x's dx speaks really well, but she reads and talks to him all the time", so it's a sore spot when I hear others being blamed too.

Just ignore them, however hard that seems sometimes! But YA definitely NBU.

YABU. I think it's a bit rough to abhor people for, possibly misguided, attempts to help. People throw in their own views, opinions, ideas, experiences. Part of it is just making conversation - but obviously you know that as you're an expert in linguistics

Not a parent but I had also thought twins' language can be delayed - they develop their own communication method between them.

My friend's son was 4 before he learned to talk - he didn't need to speak as his older brother did it for him. He soon learned once his big bro went to school and he had no one to talk for him! Once he did learn to speak though it was apparent that he had taken in everything that he had heard such as his mum reading to him as he went from mute to speaking in sentences overnight.

My twin boys didn't start using actual words until around 2.6. I'd heard that it's common with twins (esp twin boys) so wasn't too worried but mentioned it to the health visitor around age 2. When they did start talking, it became apparent that DT2's speech was v unclear compared to his brother. Long story short, it turned out that he had glue ear and this had been making him pretty deaf. Got this sorted with an op (grommets) but also referred to SALT which has been brilliant for him - he's just been signed off as his speech is now normal. We are so pleased with his progress over the last year or so.

Please don't worry about what the SALT will say, they are there to help and, importantly, they are there to help you and your DTs, not judge you in any way!

laypeople. you mean lay people.

blimey. didnt mean that in a mean way! honest! ds dyspraxic with severe speech delat and still struggles at 12. feel for you.

If you've got a background in linguistics, you'll know it's common for twins' language development to be a bit delayed, and for them to have articulation problems. Here's a (slightly dated but still relevant) review of research from the Harvard twin study :) Don't worry about it... As a friend of mine once said, "Just cos they walk sooner, it doesn't mean they walk better. You don't look at an adult and think 'Ooo, she's a good walker!" That's true of talking, too :)

She is your mum, and one day you will probably find yourself having similar conversations with your twins when they have kids of their own.. dont take it to heart, or get pissed off. Your own mum isnt really "on the outside", she is their grandma too.

I was told before I even had my twins on the meet and greet by my HV, that I was to ignore all mile stones for development, and this was the advice she gave all parents she said I would know when to worry, she said normal development tended to be girl, boy, girl twins and boy twins followed, My Dts where walking at 9 and 10 months which is ahead of the crowd, at 2 1/4 they where well behind on speech, I would say they had above the 200 words they should have, but where not doing simple sentences, to be honest 1 had when he fell in the sea a few days before the HV assessment but I really couldn't bring myself to tell her he had, as his first sentence was "fucking hell soaking wet!" I think looking back she was such an amazing HV she would have laughed but I really couldn't tell her,
took them another 2 month to start doing simple sentences and one would just point, I would not fill in and would not except his brother explanation,he was by far the more articulate when pushed just a little lazy, but that was my child not yours.
they are 7 now and it makes me smile and laugh sometimes how articulate they are .
"Mummy I am asking you to do this immediately" yer right! jog on :) "A boy at school, he doesn't close the door when he has a wee, it is sooo inappropriate!"
so don't worry at the mo, and carry on as you feel fit, the day will come when you realise they don't say Thoma or bobda, for Thomas the Tank engine and Bob the builder or musical Snatchchews,

op you sound a bit worn out - feel for you

2.3 is still early to be judging speech. as long as they are communicating and by that i mean making sounds and eye contact the rest will come when they are ready.

i am a sw and i work with salt from time to time. recently they have wanted to wait until the child is at nursery before they do much because often being at nursery can bring on delayed speech. due to my service user group nursery tends to begin post 3 and the salts dont seem worried before then.

i think speech is a worry because lack of it can be a symptom of either deafness or autism as im sure you know but unless you think the dts have either try to wait and see (and tell ppl to knob off)

its not just the lay-people - the 'real' experts have no idea what to do, either.
good luck with your boys. are you teaching them to read, as well as reading to them? just an idea. big red words if you haven't already. and just to be clear, i don't know anything about it and offer it only because when it finally happened, i found reading very helpful with speaking.

I stumbled across this site when doing some academic work and have to say I really impressed by the evidence base - you obviously know what you are talking about so have a look at the professional sections. They have the appraisals of all the latest research.
(as I was doing a masters I had to dig out some of the primary research for myself and they had done it justice)

www.ican.org.uk/

You sound very sensible to me

I think in my lay experience that many children at 2.3 or younger or older will show a speach delay that they may or may not make up for in good time regardless of what the parents are doing wrong. The best advice is to talk to your HV and ask for a SAL assesment to rule out or find out exactly why and the best way to help your DT's. everyone elses well ment advice can just be filtered out.

sounds like you are doing all the right things OP and you are certainly not nieve anyway. communicate in the way you feel your DT's need and want.