to expect him to remember

[goldenwispa]

Hi all,
Not a good day for me today. My dad passed away 9 years ago today. It's also me mams birthday and she is also no longer with us. Feel a bit down and weepy OH didn't know why. AIBU to expect him to remember? When its his mams anniversary/birthday/mothers day I always remember to be extra thoughtful towards him along with getting flowers for the grave and putting a notice in the newspaper and generally try to cheer him up. I just want him to remember and give me a cuddle Xx

Why don't you keep what is generally called a Birthday Book. It's just a little book with all the dates in the year in it (but not the year because you use the same dates every year). Enter all the memorable dates in it and have it at hand. Then no one will forget any date. I've had one since the seventies and add dates of births, marriages and deaths as they happen. Any other date eg Graduation Day can be put in as well.

I keep it on the desk open at the current date and I can see what's coming up tomorrow soon.

Sorry I'm another who wouldn't remember either. My fil died only a few months back but I couldn't tell you the date. You say you buy flowers and put a notice in for your mil but are you really sure your dh would remember if you didn't.

Sorry, I should have added that they are available from Amazon with free delivery but I clicked on the Send button too soon.

Euphemia-maybe I'm freaky?? X

Msvestibule - tit for tat on such an important issue? But it isn't important because IBU for expecting him to remember....

But your basically saying because his memory is worse than yours you will make things harder for him, hardly nice is it?

remind him, people aren't psychic and if a date is upsetting for you then tell people and they can support you. If you keep quiet you can't sulk if they don't remember

No his memory seems ok in relation to any dates that don't involve me..... Xx

My Dh does'nt remember the dates for my parents either, It's been a long time now so I don't really expect him to remember, both DH parents are still with us, so until the shoe is on the other foot so to speak he can't really understand what its like on days like these, I do think that men can be little insensitive at times without realising it. Remember your not alone.

Ah thanks egg, you made me cry, again xx

Lost both parents before I was 28, but I do not expect my DH to remember the dates, and bear in mind I am only 31 so hardly happened decades ago.

The loss of a parent is profoundly personal. Whilst I would be touched if DH remembered, I am never disappointed or upset that he doesn't. When I tell him, he gives me a hug and a kiss. Exactly what I need.

If it means a great deal to you, sit him down and be honest. Mother wise, let it slide and spend the day thinking about your parent, rather than be swept up in marital irritations.