to think my DH is wrong in saying BF is not an emotional matter?

[Ecgwynn]

DH wants us to make a plan for weaning DS (currently 20 weeks) off the boob in a month or so. I want to get him off the boob so I can have my life/body back. DH wants to make a plan of action and doesn't understand that while I want to wean DS, I also don't want to when I actually think about doing it :( .

He says that I either want to do it or I don't and that without a plan it won't happen.

I think he's trying to be helpful if you've said you want to stop by 6 months, I agree a plan of action is a rather cold and unemotional way of looking at it, but perhaps he's just not getting the emotional aspect to it. It must be hard if you've never experienced it and you'd probably have a rough idea of a plan of action for other things e.g. potty training, introducing solids, moving into a bed etc.

Does he have particular negative feelings about BF past 6 months or anything like that? It seems a bit insistent when it would be fine just to see how things go. Or perhaps he's just a very organised person who likes to be in control (not in a controlling bastard way ) or as others have said he's getting fed up with your indecisiveness (ie not understanding the emotional impact)

Why don't you just say "Actually I think I'll just see how things go. Anything over 6 months will be a bonus then." You could always look at ideas like introducing a bottle of formula last thing at night or another form of mixed feeding if you want a bit of space from it.

"DH wants us to make a plan"

Leave the controlling bastard.

Agree with Bertie.

If you feel you want to play it by ear more and carry on talk to him.

Also, it will happen without a plan. Babies don't breastfeed forever. Even if you never make the decision to stop ever, they self wean eventually. A lot of babies drop most of their daytime feeds by age 1 as well so it would be easy to stop then if you wanted, or it might be that you feel okay about it by then and it's no bother to carry on.

I can see why some people would find plans helpful and if you wanted/needed to wean by a particular date then they are useful to help avoid mastitis etc but there's nothing wrong with going with the flow either.

I needed a plan to stop bf. (granted the plan was 'formula from now on/ the end/ nada/ away from me child') but I need a plan for everything

I can't clean my house without a rota and a list lol

I can't diet without writing down what I will eat daily

Etc

I find a lot of men are like this, it's just a men thing - they want to offer practical help, when really what we laydees want is someone to nod and make sympathetic clucking noises. I told DH this last time I was offloading about a problem and he was utterly bewildered. I'm sure it's in one of those dreadful self-help type books, that men want to come up with solutions and plans and women just want to talk about things without necessarily needing to have their issues resolved. He sees you feeling fed up with bf and hears you saying you want your body back and he genuinely thinks it's helpful to come up with ways to 'make it happen'. Just tell him you want him to listen without offering advice.

My dp is very practical too like that. But he does cry at the sad stories on x factor. Strange.

YANBU. Take it easy op. Just gone through this and still wish I hadn't weaned off the boob when I did sometimes, but that feeling is fading as DS is moving on, growing, developing! It just sort of naturally happened as I was off out more and there were inevitably more bottles, and I'm not so great at expressing yadee yada. Mixed feelings are quite normal imo! Don't worry about DH, he's probably trying to help - but you will know when it's time. If you don't want a 'plan' just say you are going to do it in your own time - baby has to be fed one way or another after all.

If the OP wants to wean her baby then DH is sure to suggest they need a plan.

My DH always wants to plan and be organised.

Their DC will probably rip the plan up and chew it.

I think it's great that he supports you with this (note I said supports, not takes over), but to have a valuable input he has to understand the process he is planning IYSWIM.

I would say he needs to do some reading/talk to a bf counsellor himself/whatever it takes to help him understand bfing, weaning etc, then help you with the plan taking into account the emotional side along with everything else; or he needs to take a step back, let you decide how to handle it and be prepared to give a bottle when asked to.

Neither way is better IMO, both are being supportive, but what isn't OK is trying to manage a situation he doesn't fully understand right now.

Practicalness and emotional-ness aren't mutually exclusive qualities I think it's just typical of someone who hasn't breastfed or perhaps hasn't been around people who have, to underestimate the emotional aspect.

Also lots of people do find it helpful to have a plan for weaning, Gina Ford does alright with her book sales, doesn't she?

I will hold
My hands up to being a routine obsessed person

Dd slept until 9.30 this morning and I was like 'wtf?! My day!!!!' DH was all 'is she due a nap?' and I was like 'I don't know!!!! Functioning has just gone out of the window!!!' lol

Haha kayano I am so totally the opposite never knew when DS was likely to nap, sleep, eat, feed.

Fun

When I stopped bfing my first two I needed both a plan and DH's help ( he took over feeds one by one).

the plan should be that you should do what you eel comfortable with and you will only know what that is with time.