To think I'm about to have my baby in some kind of medieval institution?

[Lizzietow]

Ok, so I've been reading too many negative birth stories. Rude midwives lacking in empathy, refusing epidurals, epidurals that 'don't work', not been examined in time so a hand and foot pops out, losing too much blood and being told just before you go home that "oh, you really should have had a blood transfusion. Do you want one now?".
I'm terrified. And this is my second. My last experience wasn't great- back-to-back baby & took ages to get an epidural plus they wouldn't top it up. But it turned out well in the end snd the after-care including bf support was brilliant.
It just seems that, from reading birth stories, in the last two years things have got really over stretched.

Things are stretched thats for sure but I do think often people only report the really good and the really bad and reality for most falls somewhere inbetween.

Other than one rude midwife who was lucky I didn't punch her my care when having DS was good, nothing fantastic about it but got the care I needed.

Things are over stretched, but be assured the midwives will do their best to look after you. I can't really speak for all midwives, but I can imagine that to go through what they do, 1. To become a midwife and 2. Being a midwife, they must really really care.

It's a bit daft to compare it to a medieval institution, things are much better than that :o

Thing is you're concentrating on the bad stories.

You always hear the horror stories, no matter what the situation.

You never hear about the ordinary stories; mum gets adequate pain relief, midwives nice enough, baby pops out healthy, everyone goes home.

People have always got a horrific story. Always. If you go and buy a new car and google it; someone's model has spontaneously combusted next to a puppy pound. If you go on holiday, someone who stayed at the same resort as you got dysentery.

There are always going to be the few with horrid experiences; the majority of people are fine

People are having children more than ever but the government just aren't investing in midwives. It's ridiculous. There's people CRYING OUT to be midwives but there just aren't enough degree courses, and aren't enough jobs. Despite us desperately needing them.

Midwives are constantly saying they can't give people the one to one care they need because they have to look after multiple women, sometimes all giving birth at once!

YABU. Some places are awful, some aren't, some midwives are fantastic, others aren't. I think the key is to go into the whole thing thinking "I know what I want and I won't be bullied."

I'm having a home birth this time round because I don't like the atmosphere of hospitals and I think given that I'm low risk there's no point in being in hospital. That said, I don't want an epidural so that's not an issue.

all mine apart from my first were fine no probs that wernt delt with well and no rudeness or lack of care at all. my first was about 19 years ago my last 6 months ago.my experance has been a great improvement in the last decade

I must have come across 50 midwives in various guises across my four pregnancies and not a single one was rude. Some were more caring and warm than others, and not all of them were entirely at the top of their game, as it were, but none of them were incompetent or lacking in empathy.

Also I'd just like to point out that epidurals are not a cure-all panacea and one of the risks that the anaesthetist will tell you is 'the epidural may not work, or it may be patchy or heavier on one side'. They will do their best to fix this.

Similarly sometimes it's not clinically appropriate to give an epidural, or there isn't an anaesthetist available to do it, usually because they are all in theatre with people who need operative anaesthesia.

Seriously, most midwives will do their best. A lot of horror stories are rather skewed and factually incorrect also when you get to the bare bones of them, I tend to read them with a pinch of salt nowadays. I'm not saying that some people don't have bad experiences but when they are explained what happened and why, it usually takes some of the MASSIVE DRAMA out of it.

As you know everyone's birth experience is different. I think you always tend to hear the 'bad' things as people tell them as a way to counsel themselves, and it's always horrific.
Second time round you know what to expect, know what can go wrong have more insight ie, If you want an epi ask for it early as anesthetist may be/get stuck in theatre, you wont get a top up near the pushing stage as you need to feel the contractions to push, be aware not all nurses are experienced with BF and support varies etc.
I was more frightened second time but it did go more smoothly for me. In fact the midwives were almost annoying in their BF support (more of the fact that they were just doing it cos they had to not cos they believed in it, I knew what I wanted).
Generally women who have a natural delivery first time (even with assistance) have a smoother ride on second baby. Fingers crossed for you, I hope it is an enjoyable experience for you and don't fret too much if you can help it.

I had my first almost 18 years ago. 18 years ago the midwives were complaining bitterly about how overstretched they were, how underfunded they were, etc., etc.. 18 years ago in spite of complaining they seemed to have a lot of time to chatter to each other and to me once I got home. They didn't seem all that busy or all that willing to do more than the absolute minimum they could get away with. From the way they spoke 18 years ago, one wouldn't have thought it could have got very much worse - and it was all the government's fault then. Wonders if there was a hiatus between 1997 and 2010 when it was all fab because the complaints to me seem to be more about personal politics than the reality and it really isn't professional to slate a political party when one goes about one's job. I certainly don't.

The birth of my dd wasn't fantastic. The hospital was so hideously understaffed that you really didn't have to be told. Mums waiting on inductions being left for most of a day, etc. But I never got a rude midwife, and the midwife on the labour ward was wonderful.

I did get a very rude NICU nurse, who had me in tears - totally what you need when your baby is n NICU.

I think everywhere is overstretched at the minute but you've got to remember that people (especially on the internet) report the bad things. If you read all the stories on here you'd never want to give birth.

You tell 3 people something good and 6 people something bad (or something like that!)

Slightly different angle - and I am not in the UK - but I had a very severe post-partum haemorrhage and honestly, this sounds weird but it wasn't that bad. I was very well looked after, there was no panic, the doctors acted like it was all under control and kept me up to date on what they were doing. It all happened so fast and it wasn't long until I was under a general anaesthetic. Obviously that is not what I wanted but it was not in the LEAST bit traumatic. I eventually had 2 blood tranfusions, and I felt like the nurses were so lovely and caring in the days afterwards. I am due to have my second in about 2 months and although I'm worried about giving birth, I'm not worried about that part!

It's quite scary not knowing when it's going to be or how it's going to go. The midwives here have also told me that it's quite normal to be more scared with your second (during pregnancy as well), because you know just how much you have got to lose. I am trying to make peace with that uncertainty, I think it's all we can do. I wish you all the best.

Thank-you all- that's a very interesting thread in the end! Yes I knew I shouldn't be reading this bad stuff. When I think about it, most mums I know have had positive experiences or mostly positive, with just a couple of horror stories (and those people do tend to be drama queens).
@Marriedinwhite, that's really interesting about what it was like 18 years ago.