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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to gift an unwanted contract phone?

68 replies

Bandwagonesqe · 16/09/2012 13:46

DH has a 16 yo who wants an iphone for his birthday next month. DH has hatched a plan that I should get one with my upgrade this week, unlock it and just give it to him with a payg sim. We are pretty skint, no way could we afford one outright or to take out another contract for him (I am against that anyway). Now, I'm not fussed about a new phone at all, my HTC is still an alright phone. What's bugging me is that if I don't upgrade to a new handset, my bill will be reduced by £12 a month for the next 2 year period. If I get the iphone it stays the same. So, in effect the iphone will be costing me over £250 in the long run, which of course I will be paying for. Not in my wildest dreams would I spend over £250 on a birthday for any of our own kids. DH says IABU. Am I?

OP posts:
iknowwho · 16/09/2012 15:30

I'm loving all the assumptions
He will be bored with it in 6 months
You will resent the 12 a month!

Should be called psychic net!!
I have yet to see a teenager who is bored with their iPhone!

Hopandaskip · 16/09/2012 17:14

I have a 16yr old son. He would also love an iPhone for his birthday. We can afford it, but I'm not buying him one. He does not need to be connected anymore than he is already. He has a basic non smart (but very nice) cellphone.

I am firmly of the belief that it is not a good idea for kids to have a lot of stuff like this. That old computers, old music players etc will be a strong driving force for them to earn their own money.

McHappyPants2012 · 16/09/2012 17:20

My own 16 year old sister would love an iPhone, but what my parents have said that you have a perfectly working BB and if you want an iPhone then you will have to get a job to pay for one.

DollyTwat · 16/09/2012 17:23

The way it works in my family is that if I upgrade my phone I get the new one and one of the dc get the old one

However I will be selling my iPhone this time to put toward the new one

You should get the new phone IF you want to upgrade!

OscarPistoriusGirlfriend · 16/09/2012 17:24

I would upgrade your phone to a newer handset for you, sell your old handset and use that money to buy an iPhone 3GS instead of a brand spanking new iPhone. If you upgrade to a newer less desirable handset you should be able to keep your bill reasonable too.

hermioneweasley · 16/09/2012 17:27

At 16 he's old enough to earn his own money - why dont you split the costs or you give him the handset that you get as a upgrade, but he has to pay £12/month plus his PAYG costs?

GoldShip · 16/09/2012 17:31

YABU in the fact you compared what you'd do for your 'own' kids.

Personally I'd do it.

Socknickingpixie · 16/09/2012 17:44

yanbu. not at all. kids in blended familys will have suituations where they get treated differently in each house its part of life.
if the contract is in your name and your responsability (i.e you have to pay it outside of joint income like after bills ect and out of your share of the inderpendant spending money). then its yours.

i wouldnt think twice about spending that much on any of my children for a 16/18/21 type birthday but wouldnt on someone elses. but i have always personally paid for all my kids stuff and never used any joint money.

it works both ways ss will have other relatives who buy him stuff just the same as your kids do but im guessing they dont also buy for yours as well

xkcdfangirl · 16/09/2012 17:57

YANBU - you should not be expected to contribute £12 p/m towards this gift. A 16yo does not need an i-phone - the kid should get a job and save for it if he really wats it, it's too big a thing for a birthday gift unless you are pretty well off.

bakedcheesysausagemeat · 16/09/2012 20:23

Ok I'll admit to having no experience in blended families but you sound so cruel in comparing what you're willing to do for dss as opposed to your 'own' children :/

And sorry but people here are saying someone would resent THREE POUNDS PER WEEK coming out of their bank account??? Nobody is too broke to afford that!! Look at your outgoings on you/your dh/your dd, you couldn't cut SOMETHING back by three quid?? Not saying at all you should have to, just that it's ludicrous that such a small amount could affect a family.

Fwiw I do think ss should contribute to the cost but you seem totally UR

ErikNorseman · 16/09/2012 22:13

YAnbu
You can buy a 2nd hand iPhone 3GS for £100-150

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 16/09/2012 22:41

Nobody is too broke to afford that!!

What a stupid comment! There are thousands and thousands of families that are to broke for that Hmm

FFS

glorifiedtramp · 17/09/2012 01:02

FWIW, £12 a month could pay for my contact lenses, which I gave up last year as a moneysaving exercise. It all adds up, and to say no one can't spare £12 a month is nonsense!

ravenAK · 17/09/2012 01:19

I'm in the 'not necessary for a 16 yo to have an all-singing all-dancing phone - something for them to aspire to & save for' camp.

If anyone's getting an upgrade, it should be you, as the bill payer. Mine are a bit young for mobiles, but the plan is definitely that they'll be getting my/dh's discards with a PAYG sim.

Less trauma if lost & less of a mugger magnet, too.

Longdistance · 17/09/2012 01:25

How about the 16 year old getting a job, and paying for it himself.
There's too much of a 'got to have it all culture'. If he wants one, he can pay for it himself.
yanbu at all. Think your dh is though!

cynner · 17/09/2012 03:00

This would be a difficult situation for me too. Both my children have new iPhones courtesy of their father. He also maintains their bills. iPhone's are probably not going to be in the future of my youngest children, my husband and I simply cannot afford them. We have tonnes of discussions in our family regarding the scarcity of family resources. We are trying to help our children understand that we will always take care of their physical needs to the best of our ability, but we must have priororitise. I often feel badly that I can't give them the latest clothes or gadgets.

HermioneHatesHoovering · 17/09/2012 06:55

YADNU!

He can get a job and pay for one himself.

LtEveDallas · 17/09/2012 07:04

DH did this for DSD. Within 6 months the provider (it wasnt an iPhone) had bought out a new version and then she wanted that one. Of course she couldn't have it - but we are still paying for the old one and listening to her moan about it.

DH swears every time his phone plays up and again every time he opens his bill.

Kids are fickle - unless DSS is willing to take on the £12 I wouldn't do it.

diddl · 17/09/2012 07:09

If he wants a phone-why is the onus just on you & his dad-what about his mum?

Longtalljosie · 17/09/2012 07:11

No, you're not being unreasonable - and despite your phone working fine now, there's no guarantee at all it'll see the year out. Contract phones tend not to last long outside their contract before playing up - companies aren't stupid...

And it is £250. It's no use your DH pretending it isn't.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 17/09/2012 07:15

Op what is your DH's argument here - that £250 is a reasonable amount to spend and that this makes that £250 affordable? Or that it isn't really £250, somehow?

How would the technicalities work? If you got an upgrade wouldn't your number get transferred to the iPhone SIM which is a different size to your HTC SIM? Make sure you don't invalidate your contract if you do thus.

I would say an HTC is at least equivalent to a blackberry so if you get the upgrade you should keep the iPhone and give him the HTC.

I personally wouldn't get the upgrade and think you would be able to find good deals on reconditioned iPhones 3 & 4 as the 5 has just come out.
www.mobilife.com/mobile-deals/Apple-iPhone-3GS-8GB
iPhone 3 on contract 13.50 PCM

www.mobilife.com/mobile-deals/BlackBerry-Bold-9000
Blackberry On contract same price

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 17/09/2012 07:19

... Sorry I wasn't saying you should get him one of those unless you agree £250 +is an acceptable amount to spend. Contract are usually 2 years, what if it washis birthday and Xmas and next birthday and next Xmas if necessary present?

AThingInYourLife · 17/09/2012 07:22

"And sorry but people here are saying someone would resent THREE POUNDS PER WEEK coming out of their bank account??? Nobody is too broke to afford that!!"

How do people get the whole way through school and come out basically innumerate?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 17/09/2012 07:34

Seriously, bakedcheesy? £144 (the additional cost pa) is about what I spend on the DCs combined for Xmas. Would my bank accout be happy if an additional Xmas was introduced? Nope.

Shakirasma · 17/09/2012 07:38

YANBU If you do this for his 16th, come next year when you get him something for his 17th you will still be paying for his 16th birthday present.

We always spend the same on all our kids for birthdays, so I would give him the cash of the same value spent on the others, and he can put it towards saving up for the iPhone he wants.