to think parents should supervise their children at playgroup?

[hawaiiWave]

So on Thursday this week I took ten month old ds to playgroup. I sat and played with him on a mat, whilst other parents, some of whom I knew, played with their babies. However, as time went on, parents got more and more involved in chatting/eating biscuits and didn't supervise their babies. The result was several babies all crawling for and fighting over the same toys, hair pulling, rolling into each other, grabbing each other etc. Every couple of minutes a baby would start crying as another child had poked them in the eye/grabbed their hair etc.

I found it especially bizarre that parents would just wander off and leave their baby without asking anyone to supervise, which resulted in a near accident when a baby rolled into a heavy chair and got stuck, poor thing whacked his head whilst his mum was off.

I also find it quite annoying that whilst I'm sitting encouraging ds to be gentle and play nicely that the unattended babies come over and start grabbing at him, which has resulted in him nearly getting his eye poked, hair pulled etc several times.

Please tell me, Aibu? Am I being pfb to think babies under one should be closely supervised for their own and other babies wellbeing? It seems to me that babies of this age are quite clueless about being gentle/careful. Some of the other parents looked a bit alarmed that playgroup had become a bunfight.

reading your OP I think you are terribly anxious - you speak of a 'near accident' for another child and your own 'nearly getting his eye poked' - just an observation, not a criticism; you might want to have a think around catastrophising (BTDT it's EXHAUSTING)

anyway, all that you can do is supervise your own child

if the difference in parenting styles really makes you twitchy then find another group to attend; no need to sit smouldering with rage, silently fuming, when you could be happily at group in the next village with a different vibe

What Raisin said. I think you maybe need to explore other playgroups in your area and see if they match up more to your expectations.

FWIW I've gone to the same lovely toddler group for over 4 years (2 different children). The vibe can be completely different from one week to the next depending on the mix of children, who is teething, about to get chickenpox etc.

Not only that, we parents all know each other well and I'm interested in their lives too. Toddler group is about the children, but it is also a time for me to chat with friends and I allow my DC to roam freely within the constraints of the hall. We all keep an eye on all of the children and I trust that if my DD was acting up then I would be aware of it.

Maybe give it another chance and see how you get on. I generally find that the children who have less rigid supervision are those of mums who have been attending the group for a while and are trusting of the environment and other parents. It doesn't mean they love their children any less than those parents on the mats hovering over their kids. I do lots of one to one activities in the house and view toddler groups as an opportunity for DC to gain some independence from me but to know I'm close by.

I hope you go back and enjoy it a bit more. Take care.

I think they should be supervised but that doesn't necessarily mean parents need to follow them around

Playgroup is FOR mums/dads to have a chat and a cup of tea as far as I'm concerned. That, and getting the children used to rubbing along with other kids. I would be annoyed if someone's kid was hitting others or whatever without being told off by a parent, but otherwise I would expect to look out for other people's children just as I would expect others to look out for mine.

Thanks for the replies, I think I may be a bit of a nervous parent. I will keep trying this and other playgroups and hopefully will feel more comfortable soon. I think I worry too much about the babies hurting themselves, they are probably more robust than I think.

Thanks again!

THEY ARE BABIES babies will poke and pull hair yes parents should supervise but it is ok for babies to explore they don't need to sit quietly on a mat , you are just a little anxious about it, let your baby explore too

oh i am sorry my caps locked I wasn't shouting at you

It's ok, maybe I needed a bit of a reality check

That's not pfbness

I actually got up and left when some baby prodded my then 5 month old baby in the eye and the mother just smiled indulgently at him. I left giving the mother the hairy eyeball and vowed never to go to a baby group again.

Poor ds2 just got dumped on the mat and left to defend himself while I had a cup of tea and some cake

Yabu to say 'babies under one' should be closely supervised..... Supervision is required for many more months after age of 1 !

It's all about finding the right fit. We've been to 3 different playgroups, one was great but sadly shut down, one was just full of unsupervised children pushing and grabbing, kicking etc, awful.

The one we go to now is a great mixture and all the parents are similar in how they supervise - we step in if needed but leave them to sort out minor disputes (ours are slightly older).

It's hard because even having one "lax" parent there, or conversely, one over anxious parent can change the dynamic of the group.

I agree with ozzie if you are unhappy then please go and find a new group you are happy with, yet still let your baby explore

I'd supervise a bit more of some others gave me a hand with the snacks, clear up, crafts, money, recording of fees etc.

To be fair I suppose the ones that help the least are those who sit about gabbing (fine) but suddenly when help is required they need to clutch their dc to their chest and have no arms or legs free to help. Funny that.

Yes, they should supervise their kids. I don't mean helicopter hovering, I mean supervise.

If a parent can't see their ten month old for long periods of time, they are not supervising them. And yes, you do need to keep an eye out for eye gouging and throwing things at that age. It isn't intentional (although I did come across one baby girl who went for eyes like you would not believe - luckily her mother commented on this herself and would remove her DD before nails actually got into eyeballs) - but they can hurt each other. It's not 'exploring their environment' when someone else's baby ends up bleeding.

The mix does change from playgroup to playgroup - and whether or not it is crowded makes a lot of difference.

It's worth having a think now about when/if/how you intervene with other people's kids. Because it all gets harder at toddler level!

I have no problem with someone else telling my DS not to snatch or push another kid out of the way, for example - he's in the wrong, he needs to learn. But I've been to soft play groups where 2-3 year olds have belted the shite out of each other - I'm talking bleeding, bruises, eggs on heads - while their mums sat yapping with each other, with their backs to their kids. I will tell someone else's child 'no, you need to wait until x has had a go' on a slide or something - But I don't think it's my job to pick up someone else's howling bleeding daughter, find a tissue to hold against her head, and walk round a cafe twice holding her before her mother saw fit to break off her conversation. And this was after the kid had taken a consistent five minutes of being pushed out of the way/pushed over/shouted at by other bigger kids, which was clearly making her unhappy.

I do think some parents go to baby and toddler groups thinking it will be unpaid childcare for them.

that said, if you find a good one, you will make some good and lasting friends, and find good kids for your DC to play with, so it is worth hunting around!

I think there is a fine balance as toddler groups are for both the parent and kid to socialise and play.

I attend a toddler group with lots of my friends. We tend to let the kids roam around the room playing freely and exploring whilst we all chat with parents/interact with various kids. We will always sort out/cuddle a friends child and have an unspoken rule that we all look out for each other. We are part of a lovely community.

Saying that I always make time for my children but am by no means glued to their side.

I tend to be more concerned with the tiny terrorists who are completely left to their own devices

Some parents supervise more than others.

If it really it that bad - look for other groups.

Children centers and sometime privately run nursery's that do toddler groups have staff round to set up and be an extra pair of eyes which can help.

Parent run groups often have parents doing stuff or taking turns getting things done that mean some DC are left bit more. Though it really depends on how well the group is run and how cooperative the parents there are as mostly it not usually an issue.

If that's not possible focus on your DC and let the chaos go on around you. I've attend a few there I had to do that but these groups can change very quickly as different parents and DC attend.