to be peed off with DH?

[feeno]

Please be gentle-first time here.

So, DH, or rather just H for now as he isn't making himself very dear to me with his current actions...where was I? Oh yes, I asked H to take a couple of days off to support me....

I Have some serious MH problems, am 36.5 weeks pregnant with a DS of 17 months to take care of. Have had terrible insomnia and am pretty much dead on my feet looking after DS, cooking meals, cleaning house and coping with lack of control over my expanding body with a very clingy, teething toddler that requires constant attention.

So, H says he'll take a couple of days off-which he does. He then looks after DS for all of maybe 2 hours per day off, has gone back to bed each day for at least 2-3 hours for naps, has constantly complained about how tired he is and how badly he is suffering from his bloody man flu, left dirty dishes in sink for me, has not tidied up DSs toys even once in 3 days and has watched me crawl and struggle on my hands and knees with huge belly trying to tidy up at the end of each day, complained all day today of how rough he feels (after a 3 hour nap by the way) and then goes out with his mates tonight.

I've asked for help and support, I've told him my back aches when standing for long periods and I need help with chores and looking after DS and this is what I get. AIBU to want to have a moan about this?

You should have gone to bed and left him to get on with it. When you are pg you are right to complain about anything in my book

Sorry you're having a rotten time.

Was he genuinely ill? And is this a one-off? If those things are both true, feel free to moan cathartically but maybe cut him a little bit of slack.

Otherwise, I hope he's got plans to get better at this or he's on target to be fuck all use when the baby's born.

He's got a minor cold-obviously not bad enough to stop him from going out tonight.

As for your last sentence-it's exactly what scares the shit outta me!

He is always going on about being tired-gods job he doesn't have to be pregnant!

Good job not gods job-sorry-bloody smartphones!

I know you said you've asked (though it isn't 'help', is it, it's just doing his bit for his pregnant wife, IMO) .... but can you talk to him again? You sound knackered.

You sound knackered and he sounds like a piss taker.

But crawling and struggling on your hands and knees to tidy up at the end of each day?

Really?

Why do you do that? Just leave it until you have more energy or your lazy git of a DH is around to do it.

You need the 3 D's when you want help. Decide what needs to be done, Delegate it then Disappear. You should've gone to bed. Sounds like he doesn't 'get' it. Do you have a friend you could go to? Get him to take another day off, go to friend and sleep/read/MN/chill in her spare bed all day. That way you are not home to feel guilty/take over or get involved. I would show him this thread and get some literature on MH issue for him to read for a refresh. tiredness will make that worse for you

Talking ends up with arguments I'm afraid-he genuinely believes he is doing his bit.

Maybe he is and maybe IABU.

If he helped for 2 hours, did nothing else and went out he is not doing his 'bit'. Do you ask him to help? I am starting to smell burning

Thanks DoMeDon on the 3 D's. I might just do that tomorrow.

Well, frankly, he's just wrong, isn't he?

worra is right, crawling around to tidy up is OTT.

Maybe you need to do less, but from what you say, he definitely needs to do more - and to do what he says. Taking time off then not really using it seems just a waste.

I really hope you do fee - it's hard to put yourself first but you really must protect your MH.

He probably feels heroic and deserving of a night out because he struggled through his flu to at least give you a break for 2 hours each day.. that's what my DH would say..

You can moan - I would, and try and be (bitterly) stoic.. But I think you have less frustration to lose by being a bit more specific - e.g. 'This weekend - I need you to do x, y, z while I have a nap - you've given your flu to me.. ' It might trigger a confrontation - but that might be over more quickly than letting your frustration build - not to mention your exhaustion.