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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this rude or do I have a massive chip on my shoulder?

57 replies

MomsNatter · 15/09/2012 21:31

I went to my friend's son's fourth birthday today. It was being held at her parent's house. Although I'm really close to my mate, i've only known her since we were 23 and her parents live the other side of the country so i only tend to see them on big occassions.

Her parents live in a manor house with large gates (which were open for party, of course). I drive a fairly old polo. I think these details are relevant.

So i arrive on time at the beginning of the party. Lots of other cars there. A man i've not met before comes out of the house while i'm getting stuff out of car and the conversation goes something like this (can't remember the exact words):
Man: Hello. Can i help you? I don't think we've met before.
Me: Hello, i'm momsnatter. (i'm getting my son out of the car)
Man: why are you here? (this bit i'm not sure about but i do remember replying...)
Me: i'm here for x's party.
Man: oh right i'm y, a friend of (hosts). The birthday boy's not here yet.
Me: oh right. Have i got the time wrong? (thinking this explains the weird questions).
Man: no, they're just running late.
After this he's ok and takes the present in for me as i've got lots to carry.

Now, i've been thinking about this a lot and the only conclusion i can come to is that he thought i couldn't be for the party as i didn't seem posh enough.

First: he was being quite defensive.
Second: it wasn't his house so why would he know me?
Third: IT WAS A PARTY.

I got the feeling he thought i could be a thief or con artist. Surely not right? All the other cars were a bit flash but surely people aren't so posh that they don't come across non wealthy folk.

And the hosts weren't using him as a meet and greeter as he didn't do this with the later guests (and they're not like that anyway)

So innocent explanation or have i just been mistaken for a chancer?

OP posts:
mum4041 · 15/09/2012 21:54

He just sounds a bit rubbish at the job he'd been given to me.

Although I do kind of know what you mean.

I offered to help at a friend's dc's party once and was in the kitchen getting food ready. A dc's dad came in (I knew the dc and her mum quite well). Host asks him "would you like a cup of tea?". He replies "don't trouble yourself I'll get one myself" then puts his head through the hatch and barks at me "a cup of tea with two sugars". I felt like a servant from a Miss Marple film.

Floggingmolly · 15/09/2012 21:54

Well then he was a rude bastard, and I'd have been offended too.

Original poster
MomsNatter · 15/09/2012 21:54

Grin worra. But no he was sitting down having a drink in the back garden afterwards. I joined him and his wife ( i don't think he was chatting me up!)

OP posts:
Original poster
MomsNatter · 15/09/2012 21:55

So not an usher was the point of the last post.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 21:56

I love that line from 4 weddings and a funeral where the usher says to a guest, "Bride or Groom sir?"

And the guest says, "It should be perfectly obvious to you that I am neither" Grin

Kayano · 15/09/2012 21:56

'why are you here'
'for the party'
'ah .....'

Is better than
'party is this way!'
'what party? Who are you? Get the ell away from me and my child!'

Maybe?

Tee2072 · 15/09/2012 21:57

Massive chip.

But he was also a bit rude.

Socknickingpixie · 15/09/2012 21:57

think it may be a chip where i come from if you had of been in a flash car you would have been questioned strangely,flash cars only ever turn up on the estate if troubles afoot.if you drive anything other than a battered up old landrover or wear anything thats not jeans and wellies your viewed with extream Hmm

Longdistance · 15/09/2012 21:58

He sounded socially inept. What an idiot. 'why are you here?' How rude.

It'd get my goat too. Though lots of these rich people haven't a clue in the real world.

Original poster
MomsNatter · 15/09/2012 22:00

Shock mum4041. That trumps mine!

OP posts:
toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 15/09/2012 22:01

Were there any obvious staff/caterers/entertainers there at all? If so he was probably a nouveau riche twunt who makes the utterly stupid assumption that older car = hired help. Arse. I would be chippy too. Bah.

Original poster
MomsNatter · 15/09/2012 22:03

I have major pmt too and although i hate blaming it for things... It might be a factor Blush

no, no staff. Hosts catered.

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 15/09/2012 22:06

I'd have said "We're here for the party, why are YOU here?".

100mph · 15/09/2012 22:09

there's always a small possibility either he or someone he knows was also expecting to see someone for another reason - delivery/ meet up/ anything else - so was just checking..

Although it sounds more like social awkwardness - possibly driven by the fact that he took it upon himself to welcome guests without knowing the anticipated guests.. (Did you / DS have a nice time otherwise?)

TheSkiingGardener · 15/09/2012 22:11

I wonder whether he had been looking out the window with another guest. If they had seen you arrive and someone else had said "I wonder who she is, not seen her before". Then maybe he came out to find out. Bit abrupt but I do think your interpretation shows you have a bit of an expectation of being thought about like this. It wouldn't occur to me that it might have been because of my car, for example. I'd just have thought he was a bit of an odd bloke.

LittleBairn · 15/09/2012 22:13

I would think he was expecting someone else like joiner, party organiser etc but you had your DC with you it seems clear you were a guest.
Maybe he's just a bit of a daft old snob but I wouldn't let it bother you.

thepeoplesprincess · 15/09/2012 22:14

He does sound rude.

Was your son in party clothes? (Do small boys even own party clothes?)

I only ask because I have girls, and there's no mistaking a four year old girl on her way to a party.

Morloth · 15/09/2012 22:16

So he comes out, ascertains that you are there for the party and then helps you carry stuff?

What a bastard.

Chubfuddler · 15/09/2012 22:19

Why are you here?

Is rude. It just is.

"hello, are you here for little x's party?"

Completely fine

BIG difference.

usualsuspect3 · 15/09/2012 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MomsNatter · 15/09/2012 22:39

Ok. Update. Just got off the phone from friend's dsis. This party was the family party. There is another party tomorrow for friends. I guess this guy is considered family and was surprised to see non family there.

I now feel quite touched. And friend has texted to say thanks for coming such a long way etc

I also feel a bit of an arse. Firstly to the man and secondly because the penny's just dropped that all the other children were relatives!

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 15/09/2012 22:41

Happy endings

ShellyBoobs · 15/09/2012 22:42

So the potentially rude bit was this:

Man: why are you here? (this bit i'm not sure about but i do remember replying...)

But you're not sure what he actually said so it may not have been, "why are you here?"

And the rest of the conversation and his actions were perfectly reasonable.

Confused
usualsuspect3 · 15/09/2012 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 15/09/2012 23:01

So OP did you get the date wrong and were supposed to turn up tomorrow? Oopsie.